When we think about dating apps nowadays, there is often a negative connotation. Many people might have had negative experiences, while others might be too intimidated to even get on these apps. 

Yet, from our experience, these are tools that can actually help us to find potential partners beyond our usual social circles, provided that we use them wisely and carefully. 

But how exactly should you get started? Here are five tips for you to consider. 

1. Don’t just go on dating apps to make friends. Be clear about your end goal.

When we were on dating apps (and this is before we met each other) we would sometimes encounter people on the app who were unsure whether they wanted to get into a serious relationship.

Hence, they went on to dating apps just to try meeting new people and see if it worked for them. That’s actually not honouring towards the other party at all.

It is only proper to go onto dating apps with the intention of looking for a serious partner with marriage in mind. We shouldn’t use dating apps or people to “test water”. We shouldn’t waste others’ time and effort.

So, if you’re unsure if you are ready for a relationship, it might be wise to first talk to God and seek counsel from your trusted circles in the church.

2. Don’t try to impress. Be yourself.

When we are kicking off a conversation with someone, we might feel tempted to present the best version of ourselves so as to impress the other person.

We might try to be more humorous, or talk about things that we’re not really interested in just to impress the other person.

But sooner or later, you will realise that it’s impossible to be someone that you are not. Pretending to be someone that you are not is simply tiring and unsustainable.

If your goal is to enter a serious relationship and work towards marriage with a potential partner, it actually makes more sense to show who you really are. That is the person that your future partner will love and spend the rest of their life with.

3. Don’t just chiong and talk to as many profiles as possible. Set boundaries and take breaks.

Because of how fast things move on dating apps, there is often an urge to talk to as many people as possible – like we’re casting the net as wide as we can.

We end up doing that because we don’t want to miss out on any opportunities or potential profiles, or we are afraid that someone else might get to the “best deal” before us.

But the truth is, this sort of FOMO mindset is often highly influenced by how media portrays dating nowadays, especially in some shows like Single’s Inferno.

Many of us have been primed to view the matching game as a competition; we have to see who is the fastest to get to the best potential partner.

However, not only is this disrespectful towards others – such a heart posture also reveals a lack of faith and trust in God. We are going in from a place of striving and with a need for control because we cannot afford to “miss the boat”.

Learn to set a limit for yourself. To prevent burning out, it really helps not to talk to too many people at once.

If you are affected by certain conversations or interactions on the app, don’t be afraid to take a break and reevaluate things in your heart too.

Remember to journey with God through the entire process. There is no need to rush and try to find someone to marry immediately.

4. Don’t ghost, block or end things carelessly. Be sensitive with what you say.

Ghosting on dating apps is so common. It’s so easy to just stop replying or block a profile if we feel like things are not working out.

However, we must bear in mind that there are real humans behind all these profiles. As brothers and sisters in Christ, we should treat them with honour and respect. 

Even if we feel led to end things, we can bow out of conversations and interactions in ways that build up.

One of the things we’ve learned through personal experience is that we can break somebody’s heart so easily even through these online interactions. Even though we’re all Christians and well-meaning people, we might end up hurting the other party if we are not careful.

Imagine if you had been having good conversations with someone, until one day the person just stops replying and starts ghosting you. How would you feel? That might make us wonder if we had done anything wrong or caused things to go wrong.

Hence, be loving and considerate about what you say to your brothers and sisters in Christ. Even if you want to give some feedback, ask for permission and do so gently.

5. Don’t just do it alone. Find people to journey with you.

Especially in the early stages of a relationship, we need people to help us call out our blind spots. When we go through so many profiles on dating apps, we might sometimes miss certain issues of concern.

Having people who are aware of our progress on these apps allows them to keep an eye out for us and offer us different insights. And it’s not hard to bring in some accountability: we can start by showing them conversations of note that we have had with others on the apps.

In some cases, we ourselves might turn out to be the ones making certain mistakes – we need spiritual friends to call us out on these things.

In fact, it’s actually a green flag when a potential partner has a trusted group of friends who can journey with them. That shows that they are being kept accountable and there are people who can vouch for them.

At the end of the day, these are handles that we’ve found beneficial during our season on the apps. There is no fixed manual on how to use dating apps.

Our marriage journey actually didn’t follow our original plans. When we first got together, we wanted to get married after Claire had finished her further studies. But, in the end, we got married in 2023 while Claire graduated in 2024.

It wasn’t a decision that we were actively thinking about back then, but God was sending many people to prompt us and ask us questions. That made us consider if it was the right time to get married, and we decided to do so in the end.

If you’re going to give dating apps a try, remember to take it slow.

Always reflect and evaluate because there are likely going to be disappointments, hurts or doubts along the way. Don’t carry these baggages into your future conversations and relationships.

This is not a journey to undertake alone. Surround yourself with trusted friends and look to God for Him to lead you to the right person at the right time.