I’m 20, and I already feel the pressure to have it all together.

I’ve grown up believing I need to be a strong, independent woman, the kind who supports other women, stands firm in her convictions and never lets life overwhelm her.

I want to be capable. I want to be reliable. I want to be the one people can lean on.

I am not behind in life nor am I “failing” at womanhood. I am His daughter and His love for me is perfect…

Strength, to me, meant not being a burden. It meant staying composed, being emotionally available for everyone else, and never needing too much in return.

Sometimes I feel like I carry what people call “oldest daughter syndrome”, feeling responsible for everyone’s emotions. I want to be strong for my friends, steady for my family, and mature beyond my years.

Somewhere along the way, being strong started to mean that I should not be vulnerable. I told myself not to cry, not to break, not to slow down, because other people needed me to be okay.

At the same time, the world around me kept offering new definitions of what a woman should be.

Social media shows me who the “it girl” is supposed to be — confident, secure, productive, busy and successful in their career yet carefree in life.

Depending on where you are, the standard changes. In one place, you’re told to be smaller. In another, you’re told to be curvier. Either way, it often feels like I’m always off from what is considered “enough”.

So, I try harder. I hold myself together. I tell myself that strength means not breaking. But sometimes I’m just tired.

The woman God sees

The more I pray about my struggles in being a woman and reflect on Scripture, the more I realise that God is not asking me to perform strength.

He is not asking me to pretend I am okay when I’m not. He does not need me to be more confident, more healed or more put together before He listens to me.

Instead, He is waiting for me. To come to Him, just as I am.

So, I am learning that it is okay to not be okay. I don’t have to put up a front to be strong for others.

God already knows the parts of me that feel overwhelmed. He knows my insecurities, my doubts and the quiet comparisons I make. And instead of turning away, He invites me closer.

Being vulnerable does not mean I am weak. It means I trust Him enough to be honest.

The qualities I sometimes see as “too much” — my sensitivity, empathy and desire to care deeply — are not flaws. They are gifts. They reflect a God who understands, feels and is compassionate. They are reflections of His heart in us.

We live in a world that measures our worth by what we do, how much we achieve and how well we hold everything together. It is easy to slip into the mindset that we must earn love by giving more, and becoming more.

But I know I don’t have to earn His love by doing more for Him. The story of Mary and Martha reminds me that I am invited to sit with Him, not just serve Him. I am loved not because of what I do and produce, but just because I am His.

I am not behind in life nor am I “failing” at womanhood. I am His daughter and His love for me is perfect, I don’t have to prove anything to earn His love for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

To the woman still becoming

So to the woman in her 20s who feels like she is constantly becoming, but never quite arriving: I see you, because I am you.

You are not behind in life. You are not failing at womanhood. You are not less valuable because you are still figuring things out.

Strength is not about holding everything together. It is about knowing who holds you and allowing yourself to be held.

This International Women’s Day, I am reminding myself that I do not have to be the world’s version of the “it girl.”

I do not have to meet every shifting standard. I can allow myself to rest, be honest about my struggles and to receive love instead of constantly trying to prove my worth.

I just have to stay rooted in the One who calls me His. His daughter.

And in that, I know that I am already enough.