Happy Valentine’s Day! Continuing on from their conversation on relationship red flags last week, CLIFF and WAI JIA touch on unequally yoked relationships, online dating and share some thoughts on finding “the one”.

This is the second piece in our two-part article series adapted from the Tams’ ongoing series on relationships. You can find more information, as well as details on their ongoing giveaway, at the bottom of this article.

Do you believe in finding “The One”?

CLIFF: When I was looking for a relationship, I never really thought about finding “The One”.

I just tried to see if things could work out and moved on if they didn’t. I didn’t know who was “The One” until I married Wai Jia.

When we talk about dating, there are always risks because there are unknowns. Of course, God can see the beginning to the end. But to us, it’s unknown.

WAI JIA: So, it’s possible that a person can have many different choices, but it’s up to us to discover who is the right person for us.

Nobody is perfect. And we are all actually trying to learn and discover how we match and fit each other.

So, if we have the mindset that there’s a special one for us, then it can be quite shocking when you go into a relationship and you actually have disagreements and conflicts. That might immediately make us think that the person is not “The One”.

But what if the person is actually part of God’s plan for you, and you just need to work through those things together?

If we always go into relationships with the mindset of having “The One”, conflicts will always be extremely discouraging because you will keep wondering if you picked the wrong one.

It’s important to remember that the aim of the relationship is not just about getting happy. It’s about finding the purpose and vision that God has called us to together.

What do you think about unequally yoked relationships?

WAI JIA: I think it’s really important for young people to be clear about what values are important to them.

I have met women who really love God and say that spirituality is a big part of who they are… but they end up getting together with someone who is not of the same faith.

These relationships cause a lot of pain because there is a clash with all these core values that are so central to them.

And so, it doesn’t make sense to say that you love God with all your heart, soul and mind but get together with someone of a different faith. That simply doesn’t align, and it will cause a lot of pain in the future.

If you decide not to break up because the heartbreak is too great, then you have to admit that you don’t value God as much as you thought. It might sound harsh, but I think we need this honesty and clarity to make good decisions.

What do you think about online dating?

CLIFF: I don’t think online dating is inherently wrong. I think the key is the heart behind it.

Sometimes we just swipe through different profiles and look for a person like we are shopping on Carousell. It is almost like we are trying to get the best deal.

When we look for a person that way, we actually devalue them. We are treating them like products, not humans.

But if you’re willing to make it clear that you are looking for a person to be in a long-term relationship with, then take it a bit slower. Because what are a couple of weeks or months compared to years?

WAI JIA: That’s so true. One of the dangers of online dating isn’t just the risk of being superficial, but the speed of it.

I’ve had mentees who told me that once they strike up a conversation with someone on the dating app, it goes really deep really quickly.

Because of the nature of these apps, the messages go to and fro at the speed of lightning. It’s very different from back then when Cliff and I talked through emails.

The problem with such frequency and intensity is that things can also go wrong very quickly.

People might get together prematurely; down the road, they may realise that there are things they haven’t thought through, there are values that don’t match and they are not suited for each other.

I would say, don’t be afraid to take a break and recalibrate at any point in time. That requires faith and trust because the person that we are interested in might end up with someone else in the process.

But we trust God that He has someone for us. And even if we end up being single, God is still good and He still has the best plans for us.

So if you want to try online dating, take it as a journey of discovery. Trust the process and take things slow.

Some solid advice here but it’s so hard to squeeze everything into one article! If you’d like even more you can watch the full video here. And don’t forget to head over to Cliff and Wai Jia’s Instagram to join their giveaway if you’d like to win a wonderful book about relationships!