Some time ago, I was anxious about some decisions I had to make on the career front for the future.

I could feel the uncertainty gripping my heart as I searched for answers to the questions that rang loudly in my head, even though I never asked them out loud.

Why does my path look so different from what I dreamed it’d be? Why can’t life unfold in a straight line? Why do I feel lost and confused? Lord, why can’t you show me more steps ahead at a time, instead of only showing me at the last minute?

I want to know, and I want to know now.

This season of seeking brought me to a slow, small but significant transformation of my heart.

More than I wanted answers, I wanted God to reveal where the anxiety was coming from. In church one morning, as the pastor talked about living for a kingdom purpose, I asked God to search my heart.

Search my heart, Father
Take anything you find
Put it through the fire
Until I am refined

Soon it got pretty obvious to me which way to go, but it was my will that needed to yield. Finally, I put my hands up in surrender and said that God could have my yes, even though my heart needed time to catch up, and I trusted that He’d change my heart till my desires lined up with His own.

We just need to be still enough to clear the dust, tune out the noise, and listen.

Let everything I say and do
Bring glory only unto you
Change my heart till I am more like you

The thing with decisions is that we often know, deep down, what we’re supposed to choose. It’s in the Holy Spirit’s voice, it’s in the nudges He gives. We trust Him to speak more than our own ability to listen.

Some think it’s just a gut feeling, others call it following your heart, but if we listen closely, and carefully enough – we can call it a leading. He’s always leading us.

We just need to be still enough to clear the dust, tune out the noise, and listen. When we listen with the intention to obey, we’ll be better able to hear what the Father has to say.

Cause this life is not about me, no
It’s all about You
Every plan, every dream
Every joy and heartache too
Use it for Your purposes
According to Your plans
Change my heart till I live just for You

I found myself drawn time and time again in this season to Psalm 37:4.

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will grant you the desires of your heart. It’s not an “if-then” conditional type of transaction, and there’s no way we could manipulate God anyway.

It’s a promise with a principle, because He’s more concerned with moulding our hearts than making us happy. So it’s not His giving that needs fixing, it’s what we long for that needs re-wiring.

We’ll never be truly satisfied with any station in life this side of eternity if our hope is in how favourable our circumstances are. Our hearts will truly be content when we find He is the greater delight above all.

I hope anyone reading this will find encouragement in the Lord during your time of wondering and waiting.

God is the strength of our hearts and our portion forever. He does not hold back any good gift. As you struggle with whatever it is you seek, I hope you’ll find a sure and safe cleft in the steady arms of our Father who gently searches our hearts too, and sifts out anything that doesn’t belong to His design.

He holds our lives in His hands.