Growing up, I have hurt other people and I’ve also been hurt by others as well. Along the way I’ve declared so many people to have been “The One” for me… but is there really such a thing as The One?

Let me give you an example. Say, Joseph is meant to marry Mary. So Joseph is Mary’s “The One”. And then you have two more people, Zechariah and Elizabeth who are supposed to be each other’s “The One”.

But what if Joseph decides not to marry his One – Mary – and ends up marrying Elizabeth instead, who is “The One” for Zechariah? So all it takes is for one person to marry wrongly, and everyone in the world will not end up marrying “The One” they are supposed to be with.

But here’s the good news: It’s possible to become the Right One. So how do you go from being a single person to becoming the Right One for someone?

Here are three practical tips to do just that.


1. Find the right season

We need to understand that there is a season to date. See, most of us here will get married at about 29 or 30 years old. And if you want to start dating at 15 or 16 years old, that means dating for 14 to 15 years.

That’s a long time to date! So many temptations to go through.

The worst part is that you are still unsure of the person that you are becoming around that age. And if you are not sure what kind of person you’re becoming, how do you know which person you are supposed to be with?

You’ve got to know who you are. You’ve got to know who you are becoming, then you can start looking for the right person.

2. Find your spiritual covering

Secondly, consider how important it is for you to have the spiritual covering of your parents or spiritual leaders.

The last thing we want is for you to date in secret, because when you date in secret, you end up committing a lot of mistakes in secret, and end up hurting in secret.

I don’t think that’s the right way to date.

You want to make sure that you have the spiritual covering of the people who are praying with you, advising you and ensuring that you are on the right track towards godliness. That is how dating for a godly marriage should be.

When you date in secret, you end up committing a lot of mistakes in secret, and end up hurting in secret.

3. Find your maturity in Christ

And finally, if you want to become the Right One, you’ve got to first ensure that you are spiritually mature for a relationship.

Some of us are not even spiritually mature as an individual. If you’re not spiritually mature as an individual, how do you do life with someone and lead that person to godliness?

So let’s get our own lives sorted and right with God before we involve someone else in our lives.


If you’re already in a relationship, and you’re hoping that person becomes the person you marry… I’ve got something to tell you.

Once you’re married, that person automatically becomes the Right One.

But the journey to becoming the Right One for each other is long and filled with lots of challenges. So here are three practical tips I’d like to offer dating couples.

1. Find other dating couples

When you get attached to someone, find other couples who are also in a similar season of life – couples who’ve just started dating as well.

This way you get to see your partner not just in exclusivity, but also in a setting where you get to hang out and interact with other couples and share your triumphs and troubles.

2. Find older couples

If you are starting to prepare for marriage, I think it’s critical to find someone who is ahead of you by one or two seasons of life.

Find someone who’s already married to journey with you on what wedding preparation is like, or what dealing with in-laws is like, or how dealing with shared finances could look like.

3. Find time to pray as a couple

If you see yourself as a godly couple when you are married, then you should also see yourself as a godly couple when you are dating. 

One of the best ways to involve God in your relationship is to pray together. If you can’t pray together when you’re dating, I think it’s going to be even more difficult for you to pray together when you are married.

So pray together at the start of every date. When you’re about to encounter something really difficult, pray together. When you’re about to quarrel or after you’ve finished quarrelling, pray together.

Practices like these help ensure you don’t just become the Right One for each other, your relationship will also honouring God rightly.


Finally, what does the Bible say about becoming the Right One? What does it look like?

The apostle Paul tells us to become like Jesus Christ in terms of having the same attitude Jesus had when He thought about the Church.

That means becoming like Jesus in the way He would die for the Church, give Himself up for the Church and deny Himself of all the rights He had as God to live as a human being (Philippians 2:5-8).

To paraphrase, Paul is saying to you and me: “In order to become the Right One, deny ourselves as well.” We’ve got to lay down our lives so that we can build a right relationship that honours God.

So while I think it’s impossible to find “The One”, it is absolutely possible to become the Right One. So become the Right One.