Boy meets girl. They begin talking to each other on a regular basis. They start hanging out. They grow attracted to each other. But then they hesitate to take the relationship to a deeper level, because of a question that weighs heavy on them: “Is he/she The One for me?”

I’ve seen two friends – let’s just call them Tanya and Tony – getting close, each investing their time, emotions and hope into their deepening friendship over three years. Tanya kept expecting Tony to make “the move” on her, but he never did.

Tanya later found out that Tony was exploring his other options at the same time, because he didn’t know he if Tanya was The One for him.

Then there’s the other extreme. Joey (not her real name) confided in me that a guy she was on pretty good terms with had suddenly told her very confidently that she was The One for him.

Joey got scared. She didn’t know how he could be so sure when she wasn’t. She distanced herself from him out of fear, and their friendship fizzled out soon after.


Both the incidents mentioned left the parties involved with a certain level of hurt and confusion – and fear.

Fear. Fear of the uncertain. Fear of the unknown. Fear of making the wrong decision.

The question of “is there The One” is fundamentally rooted in fear. We are afraid of making the wrong decision and picking the wrong person. Deep down we just can’t help but wonder if there might be a better-suited person out there for us.

We wait for a clear voice from God saying “yes, this is The One” or “no, this is not The One”. But it may never come.


We have to first understand that we are created complete – perfectly, wonderfully (Psalm 139:14). You don’t need The One to be more complete. Living with the notion that there is a perfect soulmate out there for you isn’t in line with what Jesus has in mind for you.

The search for the perfect soulmate should never become the primary concern in life. Simply because there is no perfect soulmate.

It’s all about choosing to love the one you are with. That’s The One for you.

When we define The One as the perfect soulmate, finding (or in some cases, doubting the finding of) The One too often and easily becomes an excuse for giving up on a relationship rather than working on it to make it the best possible.


While there is no perfect soulmate, it still matters who you choose to spend the rest of your life with. Marriage is a union of two imperfect and different people coming together. The person we eventually marry will disappoint us and fail us at some point for sure, for we are all imperfect human beings. The two people commit themselves to each other to reflect the enduring love between Christ and His church.

It’s all about choosing to love the one you are with. That’s The One for you.

So, be less fixated about finding The One and instead trust God to lead and guide you to someone, if that is indeed His plan for you (He may decide that you’re best without someone – will you trust Him on that?). True happiness is not about finding The One, but in being contented in the unconditional love of our loving Father. He’s the one.