Earlier this year, my schedule looked like this: Work, weekly curriculum planning for English enrichment, monthly volunteer reading to two pre-schoolers.

In church, I have served as an usher for the past three years, while also volunteering for the special needs ministry. Since then, I have also participated in other activities, including child-minding and ad-hoc children’s ministry programmes.

While it’s a joy and privilege to serve, if I’m honest enough with myself, I’m involved in so many things because it’s I find it hard to say no when I’m asked to help out. Aren’t we supposed to serve others in love (Galatians 5:13)?

But what if – contrary to popular belief – it’s not only acceptable, but loving, to say no?

YOU KNOW IT’S TIME TO SAY “NO” WHEN …

1. “YES” IS TAKING A REAL TOLL ON YOU

“Adrian’s open to having dinner with us tomorrow. Anyone wanna come along?”

I received this text in a group chat. We hadn’t seen Adrian in a while because his brother had been hospitalised. We’d been looking for a way to support him during this trying period for him.

I type a non-committal reply: “I’ll let you know, subject to whether I’m tired — if I go, it’ll be my third consecutive night out.”

It’s not that I don’t care — I do! I want to join in, but I know myself well; I might not have the social energy for this, after two straight nights out.

I knew then I had a problem. Saying yes to all the commitments above had left me with no bandwidth left for a friend in real need. I’d given myself no buffer for being there. And it was too late by then to extricate myself from anything, last-minute.

While we ought to serve God with gladness, God also wants us to be still before Him in the midst of our busyness.

2. “YES” MEANS YOU CAN’T BE STILL BEFORE GOD

If you say “Yes” to keep yourself occupied, to avoid stillness that scares you, maybe it’s time to start saying “no”.

When I first availed myself, it was partly out of a genuine desire to be a part of these programmes. But I was also looking for a way to avoid stillness. The silence that comes with stillness is deafening!

In my mind, I think that when I’m at rest, I’m not being useful or making a difference to people around me — in contrast to others who cram four gatherings on a Saturday, with time and energy to spare. I have friends who teach full-time and still tutor during the weekends.

If I’m less busy than they are, I should be making good use of my time to do more — right? So, I felt that I could do as much as others around me, if only I persevered. Or rearranged my schedule. Or quit being a wimp about my schedule and served God and His people in love, without whining.

On its own, each commitment was manageable. But when combined, they drained me.

While we ought to serve God with gladness, God also wants us to be still before Him in the midst of our busyness. This brings to mind the narrative of Mary and Martha, recorded in Luke 10:38-42. Martha’s hospitality was well-intentioned, as she sought to be a conscientious hostess; despite her acts of service, Jesus rebuked her for being distracted, describing her as “anxious and troubled” (Luke 10:41).

That was me.

3. “YES” DEPRIVES SOMEONE ELSE OF THE CHANCE TO HELP

While I am thankful for all I have learnt and the people I have met through the various opportunities I have had, I am learning that saying “no” creates an opportunity for someone else to share in these treasured experiences.

I’ve learnt that when people are opening up to the idea of service – maybe they’re new Christians, or they’ve been prompted to focus a bit less on their personal life and work and to tithe their time and effort to God – we should always be ready with something meaningful to sink their teeth into.

This won’t happen if every position is taken up by people who are already in too many positions.

This may not mean giving up everything all at once. But I could, say, swap duties for a less busy week, to give others who are more time-strapped the chance to serve when they can.

The heart behind the decision-making process is key: Are we saying yes because we think we’re indispensable?

4. “YES” COMES FROM THE WRONG MOTIVATION

Of course, having “no” as the default answer is not the solution. If I’d said no to everything, I would have missed out on opportunities to interact with new people, some of whom have become treasured friends.

The heart behind the decision-making process is key: Are we saying yes because we think we’re indispensable?

Galatians 6:2 reminds me that there are people who will fill my lack. This is both a caution and source of encouragement: It is a privilege and blessing to serve God and His people through these commitments, but I am not indispensable in these opportunities. Even without me, God uses others to accomplish His purposes in the lives of His people, including those around me (Galatians 6:3).

It really comes down to this: In our busyness, are we saying “yes” to God?