Whenever anyone asks me if I’m a first or second-generation Christian, I get a little queasy inside, and I never know what to say.

While most of my immediate and extended family members are now believers, it wasn’t always this way. Growing up, there were many uncomfortable conversations and quarrels that I’ve both participated in and witnessed.

My mum had accepted Christ in her teenage years while growing up in a mission school but backslid in her walk with God throughout her university days. That was also when she met my dad, an atheist from a family who followed ancient Eastern religions – and they were married about a year after graduating.

As my mum wasn’t particularly committed to going to church and spending time with God, dating and marrying someone who wasn’t Christian didn’t bother her. That was why faith had no big part in my upbringing. 

It was only when my family migrated to Beijing in 2014 for my dad’s work that my mum rediscovered Christ and rededicated her life to Him.

When I noticed and asked why she was always disappearing for a few hours on Sunday mornings, she started to bring me along to the church she was attending, where I learnt more about Jesus and accepted Him for myself. 

My mum then brought my grandmother (who had always lived with us and also migrated with us to Beijing) and my younger sister, who was only three back then.

When we moved back to Singapore a year later, she evangelised to my aunt and uncle, who accepted Christ within the next few years. 

We would go to church on Sunday mornings, pray together every night and talk about the Bible together over dinner. 

But my dad was never part of that. He didn’t understand why my mum was suddenly so busy serving in church after all these years and why she was suddenly so adamant about raising my sister and me in the faith. 

Reflecting on that now, it must’ve been such an alienating experience for dad, and I can empathise with how he must have been feeling. 

Without faith and conviction that Jesus is real, a pious Christian lifestyle would probably appear to him as utter foolishness. In his whole family, he was alone in feeling that way.

I can understand both sides: my mum’s frustration at his lack of sensitivity and understanding and my dad’s annoyance that we were prioritising our relationship with God over all else.

But that didn’t change how tense things could get, how self-conscious I felt saying grace and praying in front of dad, and how distant I felt from him, especially since our relationship had strained since the initial migration. 

That said, I’ve still learnt a few things over the years:

1. Pray for them 

Say real: it can pretty awkward to pray for the needs of people who don’t pray at all – especially when they know you’re keeping them in prayer. 

They may not understand the power behind prayer, and we may not know how to explain what is to speak with God. Sometimes, prayer can even be unwelcome to them.

That said, you just never know when or how your family member might become open to prayer. 

A few years ago, my dad had to undergo an eye operation. While in the waiting room before the procedure was to begin, my mum told him: “Let’s pray before the operation.” To her surprise, he agreed and even echoed an “amen” after her.

While the fruits of our Gospel efforts may not be fully tangible in the short term, we can still sow the seeds and speak life into others through prayer in hopes that their hearts will be softened and receptive to the Word. 

I’ve come to realise that shying away from praying for non-believing people only widens the gap between them and the Gospel. It doesn’t help them to understand why we believe. It doesn’t bring them closer to Jesus.

I’m not saying that you need to drop what you’re doing and begin boldly praying aloud in the living room right now. Instead, once in a while, why not let them know you’ve been praying for them?

If we faithfully commit our loved ones to God in prayer day after day, we can trust that God is working in their lives in a way we cannot see. 

2. There is a time and place for everything – including evangelism

God’s call for us is to make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:19-20), He commands us to be His witnesses wherever we are (Acts 1:8).

We have been placed in our families, and so that’s where we should start with sharing the Gospel.

I’d rather speak to a stranger who I’ll likely never see again about my faith than to a person I’ll still have to see every day. 

Admittedly, I haven’t taken a particularly active stance in evangelism towards my dad. Truthfully, it’s because I’m pretty scared to. I’d rather speak to a stranger who I’ll likely never see again about my faith than to a person I’ll still have to see every day. 

But what I’m starting to realise about spiritual conversations is that it’s about picking the right moment.

For example, if you’re sharing about how you’ve been managing your anxiety and fear about the upcoming exam season through praying and spending time with God – that’s a good Gospel conversation at a good time.

However, if the person you’re reaching out to is ranting about their long day at work and and you’ve discerned that they just don’t have the capacity for a deep conversation about spiritual things, it’s better to just be present and empathise with them. 

Ask God for wisdom and the right opportunity.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 tells us that there is a time for everything, and I believe that this extends to our evangelism efforts too.

There is a difference between boldly living your faith out, and being overly pushy about your beliefs. We need to check that we are not being obnoxious about this, because we might just end up making them even more averse to Jesus.

Evangelism requires tact. Your loved ones might just not be ready to hear your message; it’s important to remember that God is the one who opens up their hearts, spiritual eyes and ears (Acts 16:14).

There is a difference between boldly living your faith out, and being overly pushy about your beliefs.

Nevertheless, there is still much we can do now by shoring up our conviction and preparing our testimonies. We should be seeking God for wisdom in how to approach faith topics with our family, and praying for opportunities to share the Gospel with them. 

We also know from Ecclesiastes 3:11 that God has made everything beautiful in its time. We can hold onto the hope that when it is time, they will be open and receptive to hearing His voice and message. 

3. Show your love to them in different ways 

I’m going to be totally honest here – I really haven’t been the best daughter. I can be snappy and snarky. I forget how much my dad provides for me, and I can be more than a bit judgemental of his efforts at times.

My actions haven’t always reflected the love of Christ. And if my dad ever chances upon what I’ve written here… I hope he knows I’m really sorry. 

1 John 4:12 tells us that “No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.” John reminds us that the greatest evidence for Christ’s presence and work is love. 

If we are really walking in Christ’s love, then through our posture and acts of love for our family members at home, our family members should be able to see Christ’s love and character in us.

Simple acts like taking the initiative to spend time with our family members and helping them out where we can are ways that we can exemplify Christ’s love at home. 

If we are really walking in Christ’s love… our family members should be able to see Christ’s love and character in us.

As much as I want to hold on to the Lord’s promise in Acts 16:31 that my entire household will be saved, I cannot deny that over the years, my hope in this promise has faltered. I don’t know if my dad will ever come to know the Lord for himself, but I can only pray that he will one day.

While my dad still doesn’t fully understand why we believe in Christ, I appreciate the things he has done to show his support for us and our faith. 

He volunteers to drop us off at church on the weekends whenever he can. I saw him watching Netflix’s latest docuseries “Testament: The Story of Moses” with my mum the other day.

And the thing I was most touched by – he was wholly supportive when I told him I’d be interning at a Christian company that shares a faith he doesn’t believe in.

Whether he knows it or not, I still see some parts of my Heavenly Father’s love and providence through how my dad cares for me. 

Ten years into being a Christian, I don’t identify as either first or second-generation.

I think I came to know God in my own way, but I recognise just how big of a role my mum has played in nurturing my faith in God. 

That said, I’ve always felt a tinge of jealousy when my friends talk about how they do family devotions with their parents or how they’ve never had to deal with judgement and nagging from a parent over spending too much time in church.

But I take comfort in the fact that God doesn’t have any grandchildren, and I am a child of God in the same way as everyone else is, regardless of their testimony.

And I pray that one day, my dad will be able to feel and encounter God just as the rest of my family has!