At the start of this year, I left my previous church of six years.

It was a heart-wrenching experience, but I had been wondering for months about the purpose of the church and why we even need churches at all. I asked many Christian friends and pastors about the theologies of sacraments and worship, and whether I could sit at home, listen to a sermon, and worship with my guitar in my room.

Ultimately, it seemed to me that I needed to realign myself to God first, before I could even try finding my way back to the body of Christ.

So for half a year, I read the Bible and prayed as per normal, and it felt like everything was alright. Having been brought up in a non-believing household, and being an only child, I was used to a solitary faith. I used to joke that CS Lewis and St. Chrysostom were my cell leaders.

However, St Augustine’s words kept coming back to mind: “He cannot have God for his father who will not have the Church as his mother”.

God soon gave me another opportunity to give church a chance.

A friend came back from studying overseas and invited me to join her church. I reluctantly obliged. A part of me was still afraid of what I might find, but another part of me agreed with my friends that I should trust God in His unfailing providence. After all, “faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, despite your changing moods” (CS Lewis.)

Thankfully, my friend brought me around and introduced me to everyone, and I found that I could connect with a lot of them pretty quickly. I joined a cell group very soon, which considered problems of the faith and engaged in lively discourse, in stark contrast to my previous church.

Being able to question and engage with the materials used instead of simply accepting wholesale what the cell leaders presented, I found that I was right in my element. But beyond that, I found a genuine sense of koinónia (communion and fellowship) with the cell group genuinely loving and caring for each other.

This is not to say that there aren’t any problems with my new church, or that I have found the perfect church for everyone.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we cannot hold the entire religion hostage because of one church. That’s easy to say from an outsider’s perspective, but I’ve been there.

What got me back to church was a trust in the love of God, and to separate the people in a single community from the people of God. Sometimes we don’t fit into communities we are placed in or stumble upon, but we have to recognise that the church is made of fallen people – sinners just like you and I.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we cannot hold the entire religion hostage because of one church. That’s easy to say from an outsider’s perspective, but I’ve been there.

God is holy, but His people are not, and we have to give them a chance.

It’s a great thing when a group of friends can come together and share openly without feeling like they “need” to. These friendships take time to cultivate and do not happen spontaneously.

We need living mentors we can talk to, laugh with and cry together. Mentors who can share their experiences in the faith with us and advise us when we walk down wrong paths.

The Christian life was never meant to be walked alone; Jesus had twelve friends with Him!

Just like ants forming a nest, everyone in the church builds each other up (Ephesians 4:16), and they mature together. With teamwork, they can fend off much larger enemies and build bigger things. As iron sharpens iron, every person needs to constantly build their spiritual lives in genuine fellowship others.

It’s difficult for an introvert like me to even start a conversation with people, much less make friends with them.

But we do find instances in the Bible where God brings reluctant people to meet other reluctant people to do His will. Think of how many times Paul admonished the churches for their lack of unity!

I realised I needed to take the initiative: to start meeting new people and getting to know them on a deeper level than just saying hi or bye. I needed to find a mentor I could trust, to whom I could lay my joys and failings bare – free of judgment.

If you’re not currently in a spiritual community, my encouragement is to have a Christian mentor who you can at least speak your mind to about spiritual matters.

Eventually you will, by God’s grace, find the church He wants you to be a part of.