It wasn’t until recently when I started to examine the things I do as a Christian and question why I actually do them.

One of the things that came to my attention was prayer. I was reminded of the times where Christian friends at a Christian gathering would go orh-hor (Singlish word indicating someone’s in trouble) whenever someone forgot to pray before eating. Or when the last person to get ready before a meal would be “sabotaged” as the one who would have to say grace for the meal.

Why do we do that? Shouldn’t prayer be a privilege – an undeserved gift from a loving God? Well, I guess I’m in no position to pass any judgement because I’m equally guilty of what is more pedantically known as “stock prayers“.

I would define stock prayers as prayers we say that have become part of a routine. For example, prayers before bedtime or prayers before meals. Praying has become so much of a must-do in a Christian’s life that it has turned into what I would describe as a mistreated, or mishandled gift.

Not only that, our prayers can also be pretentious and showy.

Often times, we just want to get prayer over with as quickly as possible by saying a hasty line or two to assure ourselves that we have prayed. This was what writer Gabriel Ong from Thir.st described as the trap of “(going) from petitioning prayer to mindless mumbling.”

What then does the Bible tell us about the way we should pray?

“And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.

But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. 

And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their manwy words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.” (Matthew 6:5-8)

“ ‘…Do not heap up empty phrases.’ Somewhere along the way, I had lost the plot. I had become one of the Gentiles Jesus was warning about — heaping up phrases not as though talking to an actual Person, but repeating them like magic words. The more the better”, Gabriel wrote.

I cannot agree more. Many times my prayers have been phrased in a way they make me seem eloquent, even like a “holy Christian”. But I knew in my deep in my heart that my attitude towards prayer was not right. Sincerity was not there. Connection was not present either.

He desires to hear from us and speak to us. But a relationship cannot be built up without communication.

God has called all of us into a true, authentic love relationship with Him. He desires to hear from us and speak to us. But a relationship cannot be built up without communication. Prayer is but a platform God has given us to communicate with Him. The hard truth is that hasty and slipshod prayers are not going to bring us any closer to God.

So I resolved to change the way I prayed awhile ago, and since then I’ve never found praying to be so fulfilling. Here are some of the practical steps I took. I hope they can make your prayer life more meaningful and intimate too.

PRACTICAL STEPS FOR SINCERE PRAYER

1. Find your secret place.

Having a secret place helps. Kneel, sit on the floor, lie prostrate, raise your hands, sing a new song – the secret place should be a place where you can get comfortable and be yourself.

Pray in a place where there are no distractions. I’m not saying you can’t talk to God on the bus on your way home (pray without ceasing!), but it is true that God can do so much more when you honour Him with your full attention.

2. Say your prayers like you mean them.

Treat your prayers like a heart-to-heart conversation. Pray anything! If you don’t feel God at all, simply tell Him honestly that you don’t feel Him right now – but press in for intimacy anyway!

Start praying with any amount of faith that you have. Believe that prayer works. Ask for faith if you have none. If you’re mad, tell Him. If you’re ashamed, guilty confused, afraid or doubtful – tell Him. He can handle that. He is understanding, patient, gracious.

He loves you. You’ll soon find you’ll want to talk to Him because He’s actually pretty awesome to talk to.

3. Take your time – as much as you need.

Don’t rush through your prayers! When you’ve really run out of things to pray, be still and silent, take time to receive from God. He still desires and enjoys your company even when you’ve run out of things to tell Him. I believe that you’ll start to enjoy His company a lot more too!

This article was first published on Eugene’s blog and is republished with permission.