When I look at my two-year-old toddler playing with her drawing set, I marvel at her perfection. The little angel only has one main imperfection – she was born with spina bifida, and since her operation, she’s been on catheterisation.

As any Christian couple would probably do, we pray for our daughter’s healing daily, declaring her health to be whole since it has been paid for at the Cross (Isaiah 53:5).

However, there is always this nagging thought: What if healing doesn’t come? What if God doesn’t come through for me and my household the way I’m hoping? Will my faith still stand?

I wish my daughter would get well – so that I don’t have to talk to her about why she is different from others. But what if healing doesn’t come the way we want it to? How then can I tell her about a God who loves us when she’s different from others? How do I teach her to boast in her weakness like Paul (1 Corinthians 12:9-10)?

I suppose these weaknesses are placed there to strengthen us, as ironic as it sounds. But that’s what the Bible says – that we are made strong in our imperfections because God is our strength, even more so when we are weak.

“But he (God) said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

How then can I direct my child to see God’s grace in our situation and to embrace herself and her congenital condition? To be honest, I have yet to understand this – but He is saying to us: “My grace is all you need.”

All! So I’ll lean on to that and believe that I have sustaining grace for every day, like manna in the wilderness, and that my child will have the same revelation of God that He has placed in Paul’s heart.

Sometimes what we think is the “best way” may not be what God deems as best for us.

But I cannot deny the question in my heart: What happens if my prayers for God’s healing of my child are not answered the way I desire them to be?

But He was wounded for our transgressions. He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5)

Another way to say this is: Will I be proven wrong about the God I proclaim to believe in if He does not answer my prayers the way I want Him to?

Sometimes I wonder if it’s a matter of pride, feeling the need to prove to others that my God is real. And He doesn’t need my help in that department. He didn’t need help parting the Red Sea or any other miracle the Bible records. I know He is able, I just don’t know yet what His will is in my situation. 

“‘For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,’ says the Lord. ‘For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.'” (Isaiah 55:8-9)

And it has been so, since the days of the Bible. That sometimes what we think is the “best way” may not be what God deems as best for us.

The Lord lives outside time and sees the beginning from the end, we just have to keep trusting His character – His unchanging goodness – and hoping in Him, not a desired outcome, not in a miracle itself.

Maybe one day when we meet our Maker, we will understand His plans fully. But until then, we just have to trust that He sees far beyond our linear lives and that He is always working for our good. Case in point: Ever looked back on a miserable season of your life, only to see how God brought you to another level of spiritual depth with Him? 

I have. I still grieve over several lost friendships and disappointments, but in hindsight I have come to a place where I am thankful for the pruning, as these things were not healthy for my growth as a person and as a Christian. When I remember these journeys, I choose once again to trust in God, even when I cannot understand what’s going on. 

Even when my miracle doesn’t come.

In Hebrews 11:1 it says: “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

So, yes, I will stand in faith as I pray for my daughter. Even when I don’t see my miracle coming yet. Because I can continue to hope in God, even when my human eye can’t see it happening; even when the urologist tells me the results show no breakthrough; even when my mind tells me to listen to their logic.

I will continue to hope in the God of miracles, knowing He is fully able to paint the picture of recovery and restoration in my daughter’s life. I must have hope. 

If God can give Sarah and Abraham a child beyond their child-bearing years, God can heal my child. If God can give Joseph victory after 13 years of being a slave, God can heal my child. If God can bring the Israelites out of Egypt’s enslavement after 430 years, God can heal my child.

Because God is the Maker of all masterpieces, He knew my child in the womb even before I knew her. He formed the intricacies of her innermost being (Psalm 139:13-14). He loves her more than I do! So I will trust in Him, even when my circumstances tell me it’s impossible.

And however the story unfolds from here, I know that she is safest in His hands.