Over the weekend, I got married. The day passed in a whirl, but the first phrase I heard after being pronounced a wife was this: “What God has put together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6, Mark 10:9)

However, I think our generation prefers a different refrain: “What man has put together, let no god separate.”

We live in a generation that, on one hand, desires mentorship, and yet on the other, demands unlimited freedom.

It amuses me that we live in a generation that, on one hand, desires mentorship, and yet on the other, demands unlimited freedom. The freedom to decide who should be put together, and to refuse or mock anyone who disagrees.

We want to be shown and guided to the fastest path to success, and yet also be given the freedom to reject it and take our own. We want the GPS to tell us the fastest route, yet we want it to stop telling us to “make U-turn” when we decide to go a different way. Warning signs created to protect us from danger are portrayed as threats or condemnation.

WHO GIVES THIS WOMAN TO THIS MAN?

My relationship’s journey to marriage was not straightforward.

It wasn’t one of those relationships with 100% approval from man – relationships where people would gush: “Wow you guys are made for each other!”

At first, I was quite disappointed and defensive. I looked negatively upon people who thought we wouldn’t be good together. I thought they were shallow or didn’t bother to dig deeper. So I hung out and shared more with people who “approved” and “supported” us being together.

I felt better and more confident about my relationship when people said “oh you look good together”, or “you feel this is right, so just do it” or “as long as you love each other nothing else matters”.

Man’s approval played a large part in my assessment on whether my relationship was “meant to be”.

However, as I have learnt from a recent superstar celebrity breakup, receiving 100% of man’s approval has not much bearing, or in fact is irrelevant, to the success of a relationship or marriage.

Marriage is such a big covenant that it would be strange to exclude God, and by extension, godly counsel whom we trust  from our decision-making process. By this I don’t mean the church community at large, but the leaders whom you are directly accountable to.

Receiving 100% of man’s approval has not much bearing, or in fact is irrelevant, to the success of a relationship or marriage.

Why would I forcefully put something together if I know God doesn’t desire it? Who am I to hang onto my desires in the face of God’s warning? Will I run away to pursue a relationship, and then hate God when the ship sinks? Or will I take this as a sign that my all-knowing God loves me and wants me to make a U-turn?

It took a lot of humbling for me to put aside my logical-reasoning mind and emotionally driven heart, and to come before God to ask Him, “God, is this the man for me?” “If I continue preparing for marriage with him, will it please You?” “Is this the man you want me to be joined with?”

These are scary questions to ask when you are in love, when it appears that all the pieces are put together, and knowing that the answer could be “no”.

But, I think it’s even scarier to enter marriage not knowing God’s answer. Through repeated asking, like a driver who would stop at each traffic light to recheck the directions, God affirmed again and again that I was on the right path.

FOR BETTER OR WORSE, TILL DEATH DO US PART

It was an arduous and slow process, but there was an irreplaceable joy and peace knowing that on my wedding day, I was standing with someone that God put me together with not just for a season, but for the rest of my life. Having Him very much in this is how I know from the beginning that we will never be separated.

There is also a deeper sense of responsibility, knowing that God desires that the two of us whom He has put together should not be separated. I enter marriage with the commitment to keep us together regardless.

“Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?’

“‘Haven’t you read,’ he replied, ‘that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.’

“‘Why then,’ they asked, ‘did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?’

“Jesus replied, ‘Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.'” (Matthew 19:3-8)

If you’re considering marriage, don’t let it just be: “what my friends put together”, “what my parents put together”, “what my community put together”, “what social media comments and likes put together”. Not even: “what my heart puts together” or “what our years of hard work have put together”.

But just this: “What God has put together, let no one separate.”