Jayna’s earliest years were marked by feelings of rejection, fear and loneliness.

As a child, she strove for perfection in everything she did due to the high expectations of her caregiver and teachers. This constant pressure to perform left her living in perpetual fear of failure.

“I remember when I was in primary school, realising I had lost a worksheet just before the end of recess,” Jayna recalled. “I felt overwhelmed with anxiety, fear and chaos. Even the smallest mistakes felt like the end of the world.”

Her home environment offered little comfort. With a domineering caregiver and an often-empty house, Jayna felt abandoned. Friendships were fleeting, and her relationships with family members felt distant.

“I didn’t have any close friends, and I didn’t feel comfortable even with my own family,” Jayna shared. “It was a lonely and isolating time growing up.”

These formative years left her with a deep-seated fear of being left behind, a wound that continued to impact her as she grew up.

“Where are you, God?”

When Jayna transitioned to secondary school, she found a glimmer of hope. Surrounded by a supportive class and thriving in her studies, she saw this as an opportunity to leave behind the pain of her primary school years.

But the respite was short-lived. During her streaming year, Jayna’s academic path diverged from her aspirations. Hoping to pursue pure humanities, she was instead placed in the pure science stream.

She found the pure science stream overwhelmingly demanding and taxing, leading to a significant decline in her results.

“The fall from As and Bs to F9s, E8s, and C6s had me sprawling,” Jayna said. “It felt like I was drowning, and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t catch up.”

Jayna sought help from her teachers, consulting them multiple times a week and arriving at school early each day to study. Her academic struggles were compounded by loneliness, as her close friends were placed in different classes after their streaming year.

“During this time, I was not only grappling with immense stress and loneliness at school but also facing increasing hostility in my relationships at home,” Jayna shared. 

Disputes and arguments amongst her family members became a nightly routine, often dragging on until the early hours. The unrelenting tension left her emotionally exhausted, compounded by sleepless nights that took a toll on her well-being.

“I would carry a heavy heart to school and return home to chaos,” she recalled.

Amidst these trials, Jayna sought solace in God, yearning for His presence in her life. “Every night, I would cry out to God, asking, ‘Where are You?’”

Jayna felt that her cries were met with silence. She felt abandoned, as though God had left her to deal with all her hardships alone.

Mending broken glass

Despite battling exhaustion and doubt, Jayna pressed on and completed her O-Levels in 2022. Shortly after that, a church camp leader introduced her to Trackers, a three-month youth discipleship programme.

Jayna entered the programme with two deep questions in her heart:

  1. “God, who are You?”
  2. “God, what can You do in my life?”

During one of the sessions, a verse from Scripture settled on her heart. This was Psalm 147:3, which reads: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

This verse became a turning point for Jayna, who began to wait expectantly to hear God’s voice throughout the programme.

Grades don’t define your future

Another pivotal moment came during a session led by the late Joseph Chean.

He shared three analogies, one about the lost sheep, the prodigal son, and a striking image of shattered glass. It was the analogy of the shattered glass which resonated with Jayna most profoundly.

Joseph shared that at birth, our lives are like pristine glass that’s clean, smooth and flawless.

However, as we navigate life, the hammering of trials and hardships leaves its mark. At first, the strikes seem insignificant, and the glass remains intact. Yet with each blow, cracks begin to spread until the glass finally shatters into irreparable fragments.

Shattered glass, seemingly worthless, is often discarded or deemed beyond repair. “But unlike broken glass, which the world deems useless, our Heavenly Father lovingly gathers the pieces and restores them,” Joseph said.

“That is the God we serve — a God who redeems and rebuilds.”

Jayna’s heart broke as she listened.

“My distorted perception that God didn’t care about me completely disappeared,” she confessed. “I was overwhelmed by the depth of His love.”

This moment brought her back to the verse in the psalms that God had placed on her heart earlier, leaving her in awe of how the Lord had spoken to her about His sovereignty and care over her brokenness.

“I have become much less concerned about what others think of me; I focus more on God’s love and His will for my life.”

For the first time, Jayna saw herself through God’s eyes. She no longer wanted to live striving for unattainable perfection but accepted her identity as a beloved child cherished and restored by her Creator.

This encounter marked a turning point in Jayna’s faith. She shifted her focus from seeking validation from others to anchoring herself in God’s unchanging love.

“I have become much less concerned about what others think of me; I focus more on God’s love and His will for my life,” she shared.

Studies, stress and suicide

Today, Jayna is an active member of her church community. She serves faithfully, mentors youth and continues to grow in her walk with Christ.

A verse she holds dear is Matthew 4:4, which says: “Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” 

“Spiritual nourishment has become a vital part of my life,” Jayna shared. “The Word of God sustains me daily, providing strength and guidance for each day.

“I’ve come to understand that my struggles were not in vain. They’ve shaped me and drawn me closer to God.” 

Will you share your testimony too?

Jayna felt a strong conviction to share her testimony, believing it could encourage others facing similar struggles in life. 

“When I was going through tough times, I always wished that someone came forward to share their story so I could learn from them,” she said. “That’s why I felt very compelled to share my own.”

For those who feel broken or abandoned, Jayna understands the pain of asking, “God, where are you?” She acknowledges how easy it can be to feel alone in those moments.

Yet, she reminds us that God knows, hears and sees us even in our darkest times. He is always present, even when we may not feel His presence.

7 years after PSLE, I no longer want to chase a number

“If we allow Him, our questioning can lead us deeper into a relationship and faith with Him. He is ready to meet us where we are and guide us toward His healing love.” 

No matter how broken we feel, God’s love can restore us. Jayna’s prayer is that others, too, will experience the healing and hope she has found in Christ.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4) 

If you have experienced transformation through God’s goodness, consider sharing your story. 

Your testimony could inspire and encourage others who may be facing similar challenges, offering them a powerful reminder of God’s faithfulness.

Sharing your testimony is also how to evangelise to your friends, as it offers them a tangible glimpse of how God has worked in your life, which may inspire them to explore this faith for themselves. 

Who knows? Your story may touch and impact others in ways you never imagined (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).