Names have been changed for privacy.
Several years back, a girl called Stephanie and I worked together on a children’s camp for Church. Having only just moved on from a broken heart not too while ago, I wasn’t looking to have anything to do with relationships for the time being. But this one snuck up on me and caught my heart unaware.
The next thing I knew, we were texting every day. I found myself asking her out often; I really liked her. Unfortunately, this was the beginning of the end, as I started to feel incomplete with her. That life without a romantic relationship, without love, would be meaningless.
My friends pleaded with me to be rational, to stop before it was too late. But I could not be persuaded, nor was I considering the outcomes of my zeal to win Stephanie’s heart. You could say I did not think, I just felt. Wasn’t love supposed to make you stupid like that?
And it was precisely that unmeasured, impatient pursuit that drove her away – not only from me, but even from the Church. I’d gone and gotten my heart broken all over again, and it hurt real bad.
In agony, I wrestled with God: If You are the Good Father, why don’t you love me enough to send me someone to love and be loved by? Why was this desperate cry of my heart going unanswered? Why am I still alone?
One day, out of sheer boredom, I was reading through the book of Romans. Romans 5:8 suddenly jumped out at me: “But God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.”
Like a gentle whisper, I sensed God gently telling me, “Child, why have you searched for meaning in something that cannot satisfy?”
I had read this verse many times as a child growing up in Sunday School, but for the first time, the words I read on the page spoke and breathed new life into my very soul.
I thought I needed love the way others around me were loved by their significant others. I thought another human’s affections was what I needed to be fulfilled. But what I really needed was Jesus – and God had never withheld that. He had already sent me someone to love and be loved by, the only love that would never fail me.
That night, amidst all the pain and heartbreak, I recommitted my life to Jesus with my whole heart. No more holding back, no more running away, no more looking elsewhere, just surrender.
Recently, Stephanie and I reconnected as friends. And although I still find my heart drawn to certain girls, I find that I’m no longer pining for a relationship. My heart has been set on something – on someone – higher, someone who can love me more than I could ever love myself.
This is the person who loved me so much He would take my place on a cruel Cross, so that in Him and through Him I will find all the love I need.
I’ve become desperate for Jesus.
This is a submission from a participant of our Christmas Gift Exchange. From now till the end of December 2017, we are giving away a limited edition Thir.st Tumbler in exchange for every story on the Christmas themes of love, joy, peace, hope and giving. Click here to find out more.