Since we’ve taken a look at red flags this week, let’s also examine some green flags – positive traits we would love to grow in our own lives (and see in a prospective partner’s!).

Do note that the list is not exhaustive. And with that out of the way, here are four questions to ask ourselves when it comes to green flags…

1. Am I kind to others?

We would most likely be aghast if our friend yelled at a waiter or treated service staff unkindly. On the flip side, we would give someone a nod of approval if we saw them giving up their seat for a pregnant lady on the MRT. 

Kindness is a desirable trait in any partner. We would not want to be around someone who is constantly intolerant or contemptuous towards others. 

Someone who is already unkind to strangers will likely also be unkind in their relationships. 

1 Corinthians 4 reads: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.”

A lack of kindness kills any relationship. Kindness is the currency of care, so let’s be gracious and kind to one another – just as Jesus is to us!

2. Do I communicate well with others?

Ghosting is all too common in my generation. We disappear on others the minute there’s a difficult conversation to be had. 

On the other hand, some of us also don’t have the healthiest habits when it comes to communication. We pressure our partners incessantly for replies, expecting answers around the clock.

Would we want that from our partners? Likely not.

As such, setting expectations and boundaries are part of good communication and key in a healthy relationship. That involves choices like the tone we take and the words we use. 

When we display consistent and healthy communication in our relationships, trust can be established with our partners. Shying away from unpleasant conversations or conflicts only serves to fuel distrust and resentment.

Being able to communicate calmly, clearly and kindly sets us up for success because any serious relationship will face challenging conversations.

If this all feels too far out of reach, do not fret. Ask the Holy Spirit to transform you from the inside out, so that your speech may be filled with grace and seasoned with salt

3. Do I display humility?

Imagine that your partner has a bad habit of not putting things back where they belong. Clothes are strewn all over the house and it is difficult to find your household items.

And when you confront them, they immediately start fighting back and denying it. 

As you can see, pride turns constructive feedback into a pill too bitter to swallow.

But feedback is crucial in a relationship. If someone is constantly defensive or too proud to be corrected in love, his or her partner will naturally feel frustrated at this unwillingness to change for the better.

Humility is being willing to put aside our pride, choosing to honour God and to love others better with our acts and words.

Humility is recognising that we all have our weaknesses and areas for improvement, and looking to the greatest example of humility and service – Jesus Christ – for a way forward.

4. Is God my first love?

Last but certainly not the least – we need to ask ourselves if we have a deep and intimate relationship with our Father in Heaven. 

Even as we love our partners, our love for them should never overshadow our love for God.

We must remember that we are only truly able to love because God first loved us (1 John 4:19). We are incapable of genuine love apart from Jesus.

Putting God first is not a means to an end. Putting God first is the end itself.

Perhaps the greatest green flag you could find in a potential spouse, is someone who is devoted to God.

When both parties in a relationship are wired that way, and are chasing the same things of God – that’s a foundation for unity that is strong indeed.

Think + Talk
  1. Of these four green flags, how many of them do you see in your life?
  2. What will it take to grow in those lacking areas?
  3. Ask the Holy Spirit to transform you so you look more and more like Christ each day!