Recently, I read Every Young Woman’s Battle in preparation for my cell group discussion.

And yes, though the chapters on human intimacy certainly piqued my curiosity (“When the Time is Right for Mr Right” was a good one), it was the chapter on “Falling in Love with Jesus” which really blew my mind.

Mr Right aside, I learnt that that intimacy with God should be our ultimate satisfaction and priority. And when we love God in the way that He designed, we would then be able to love Mr Right rightly. That’s a relationship which involves pointing each other to God, our first love.

Intimacy with God should be our ultimate satisfaction and priority.

The heart of the book: 6 progressive stages of a relationship with Jesus.

Expressed in biblical metaphors like the potter and the clay or the sheep and shepherd, it was incredibly eye-opening. I often feel as though my faith has plateaued and wonder if there is more to my relationship with Jesus, so realising that there are different stages or aspects to intimacy with God helped me to see how far I’ve come and also look forward to more with Him!

In the authors’ own words: “God gave us these metaphors to increase our understanding of His complex personality and to help us better comprehend the depth of His perfect love for us. They illustrate the maturing of our love relationship with God.”

So, let’s take a look at the first stage.

1. POTTER AND CLAY

“Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.” (Isaiah 64:8)

After we believe in Jesus as our Lord and Saviour, our spiritual life is like clay fresh out of its packaging.

It is a clean slate – shapeless and awaiting transformation. As clay, we have little to no knowledge of what’s in store for us. All we can do is to trust in our Potter’s workmanship, that He will mould and shape us.

When I first became a Christian, God moulded me primarily through the guidance of my cell leader who taught me the importance of quiet time and getting rid of the sins in my life. It was also a time where I absorbed Bible knowledge to know more about the Christian faith.

I only knew these changes were good for me, but I didn’t know to what end. I certainly wasn’t aware of the magnitude of God’s love, mercy and grace behind these changes. I didn’t understand God’s nature or the plans and future He had for my life. I wasn’t completely sure of my identity except that I was a new Christian who needed to change to become more like Christ.

Suffice to say, at this stage in our relationship with God, we are only receiving from Him. We do not yet know how to reciprocate.

2. SHEPHERD AND SHEEP

“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me-“ (John 10:14)

This is the second stage. At this point, we as sheep know our Shepherd’s voice. But we do not yet know His heart nor share in His hopes and dreams.

Here, we follow God because we have experienced His love and care.

As I think back to my own life, this was the point where I began to see God’s provision and favour in my life. It was when I began to be thankful for all the blessings I had received.

3. MASTER AND SERVANT

“Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God.” (1 Peter 2:16 ESV)

While sheep stay outside, servants live in the same household as the Master. Therefore, they are more involved in His life.

“A servant’s value is derived from how well she can complete the Master’s will,” is how the authors put it.

To me, being a servant of God thus means understanding our role in the Master’s house and serving Him wholeheartedly.

Indeed, as I look back, this was the stage where I began serving God in church. This was when I started using the gifts and talents He has given me for His Kingdom.

This is also where our relationship with God starts to become more “two-way”: there are more frequent conversations with God and prayers for equipping and empowering to do His work.

4. FRIEND AND FRIEND

“I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:15)

This is one of my favourite verses in the New Testament. It’s such a privilege to have Jesus call us a friend, and for us to be able to share everything under the sun with Him.

This stage was where I truly began to enjoy spending time with Him, not just in reading His word and prayer – but also in the mundane, leisurely and “non-spiritual” things!

This is companionship with Jesus. Even when I’m just enjoying my hobbies and watching videos that have no relation to God or Christianity, I am still connected to Jesus. I talk to Him; He talks to me. I laugh; He laughs with me.

There are no out-of-bounds topics with Jesus. I can talk with Him about movie references, crazy aspirations and my deepest feelings.

In fact, Jesus is the only friend who can fully embrace all that I am. I never have to walk on eggshells with Him or fear our conversations hitting roadblocks.

5. FATHER AND CHILD

“As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;” (Psalm 103:13)

At this stage, I began to truly believe in my identity as God’s child. I was freed from the burden of performing because I came to see that God loves me simply for being His daughter.

It also became easier to accept the truth that I am made in His image, now that I see myself as His child!

But this stage was also when I began to experience greater discipline, along with an understanding of the Father’s heart – that He wants to nurture me and help me step into my destiny.

He often sits me down for a talk and gently instructs me. Sometimes it’s about me needing to change an ungodly mindset about success and fame, and at other times, it’s about refining my character to weed out pride and jealousy.

6. GROOM AND BRIDE

“I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD.” (Hosea 2:19-20)

This stage of oneness with Jesus will only be truly and fully fulfilled when Jesus returns to claim His bride, the Church.

However, we are still called in the here and now to a relationship where Jesus is our first love. It certainly won’t be easy, preparing all our lives for this grand wedding feast – but God is with us as we pursue Him.

Becoming God’s bride requires a realignment of our focus and priorities, where everything and everyone else pales in comparison and we delight simply in being in His presence.

I admit I’m nowhere close to this level, though it’s where I long to be. I still value a whole lot of other things simply because they seem more tangible. But I’m working on it little by little with God’s help and am encouraged by His patience and faithfulness to see me through.

And finally, as the authors write, God’s gift and eternal commitment of love should “inspire us to reciprocate with as equal a gift of love as is humanly possible”.

No matter which stage we are at now, we have something to learn about ourselves and God. Every stage is a stage of growth that sets us up for the next.

The beauty of God’s love and grace is that it enables us to move up in intimacy without having to strive. We simply need to desire, obey and lean in, and God will take us there in His perfect time! 

I know there’s so much more of Him that I can desire and discover when I continue to stay close to Him.

It’s been about 4 years since I began my potter and clay relationship with God. I’ve seen His beauty and grace in the whole process. I saw how God transformed my hardened heart into a tender one that desires Him more. I know there’s so much more of Him that I can desire and discover when I continue to stay close to Him in reading His Word, prayer and conversation.

As believers, we’re all on the journey to becoming the perfect bride for Jesus (this is the level of relationship that God intended in the Garden of Eden). And even with a physical Mr Right, that journey never ends – so it’s better to start right now!

Onward to finding eternal satisfaction in Jesus and Jesus alone!