I was 17 when I woke up one day with pain in my wrist and elbow. Writing suddenly became difficult, and all of a sudden, I could no longer control my fingers anymore when playing the piano.

I went to the GP and was referred to a specialist but they could not explain how it happened so suddenly. There were only rough guesses. For a year, I went for treatment.

Being told at the end that I was not to play keys anymore – except during my A-Levels exam – crushed my spirit. All I felt was desperation and pain.

The thing I was good at had suddenly vanished through my fingers and became something I had lost so quickly.

And so, many anxious thoughts filled my mind. When will I get better? Will it get better? What’s next for me if I cannot play anymore?

Anxiously waiting for a recovery that might never arrive, I was angry with life and disappointed with myself. A part of me was worried that there wouldn’t be much else I was good at if not for the piano. It was as if part of my identity had been stolen from me.

Almost a year passed, and I continued to feel empty within. There was no hoping, no wishing and no dreams. All that was left was pain that I had soon grown numb to.

Can You save me?

It was at this time that a former classmate of mine asked me to visit her church. I thought to myself: “If nobody can help me, maybe the only way is for God to save me.”

So I went to church, with a longing that perhaps I could be healed. I remember asking, “God, if you’re God, why don’t You save me? Why don’t You see the pain I’m in? Why don’t You help me feel better?”

A week later, and nothing had changed. I went back and pleaded, “God, can You save me?” Through many more weeks, I would ask God the same question: “Can You save me?”

Many months passed, and this desperation for healing soon became part of my daily life.

Every night, I would go to bed pleading for God to do something. I don’t know why, but I felt strongly that something would change if I were to persevere through this prayer. I felt that there was still hope.

Without knowing it at the time, I was already trusting God even though my prayers weren’t being answered immediately.

A Sunday came when I was again praying to God. This time, I prayed: “Lord, I know I am not worthy, but may my soul be healed.”

Some Sundays passed, and one Sunday, the church’s organist could not make it to service. Being the only one who read notes well, I was asked to play.

I hesitated because I had little control over my fingers, and I lost all my technique through the years of nursing my injury. It was also my first time on the pipe organ.

Still, I agreed and decided to play some simple notes and simple chords with my trembling hands. I played them with all that I had.

At the final hymn, I looked at the cross in church and was overcome with peace. It was strange. My desperate heart didn’t have longings anymore – and my hands felt no pain! That feeling was indescribable.

From that day on, I had dreams again.

I dreamt of a doctoral degree in psychology and dreamt of being a church pianist. I prayed for the Lord’s guidance every step of the way and asked that all I do be in service to Him.

And the Lord heard! He answered when a sister asked if I could be the backup pianist for the church choir.

At the same time, He also blessed me with an offer to pursue a doctorate degree in neuroscience at one of my dream universities on a full-sponsorship basis, something I’ve always thought of doing. How great is our God!

Today, I live with so much gladness and gratitude. I’ve grown to appreciate the little blessings in life even more because of my season of waiting. I have now seen how good things come in His time and understood that God truly knows me the best.

At 24, it has been two-and-a-half years since I started playing the piano again. Relearning eight years of techniques I had lost is still hard, but now as I play, I remember this: God will always prevail.

Through the grief and pain, I found myself resonating with the psalms so much that I was inspired to write this piece about God’s enduring love and the marvels He creates.