Ah, Valentine’s Day.

The season of overpriced flowers, chocolate boxes from FairPrice, and Instagram stories of couples taking selfies at Gardens by the Bay or Marina Barrage.

As I walked past a heart-shaped balloon display at Takashimaya today, I thought: “Another year without a Valentine.”

I turned 34 last October, and while many things in my life have changed over the years, this one area remains stubbornly the same.

Never been kissed, never had a boyfriend, never held hands with a boy — these truths, though deeply personal, feel like an anthem I’ve come to know by heart.

Singleness in Singapore, where every auntie, colleague and Grab driver seems to have an opinion on your love life (or lack thereof) often feels exhausting, demoralising and lonely.

I know I’m not alone in this experience (well, figuratively speaking). The road of singleness is not for the faint-hearted. It can be lonely. It can be disappointing. And yet, in all its complexity, I’ve come to see how God’s hand continues to move even in this season of waiting.

Learning to sit with loneliness

Loneliness is a feeling we don’t like to admit to especially here in Singapore, where we pride ourselves on efficiency and self-sufficiency. But I’ve learned that admitting I’m lonely doesn’t mean I’m denying God’s presence in my life.

The psalmist reminds us of God’s nearness: “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).

Two things can be true at the same time: I know God is with me, and yet, I still feel the ache of wanting someone to share my life with.

Loneliness isn’t a failure of faith; it’s a reminder that we’re created for connection. It’s okay to feel it. And it’s okay to bring those feelings to God, the One who knows what’s on my heart even before I utter a word (Psalm 139:4).

“So… free time, right?”

Singapore is a place where productivity reigns supreme, so it’s no surprise that single people are often told we have so much free time. Sure, without a partner or kids, I don’t have parent-teacher meetings or soccer practices to rush to.

But I’ve learned this: I don’t need to overcompensate by cramming my life full of activities to prove I’m “doing fine”. Whether it’s back-to-back kopi catch-ups or taking on every ministry opportunity at church, busyness doesn’t validate my life.

My worth isn’t measured by how packed my Google Calendar is. It’s found in Christ, who calls me His own (Ephesians 1:4-5).

Managing expectations in church

In Singapore’s family-centric culture, church often mirrors societal norms. There are prayers for couples, sermons for parents, and family-focused small group discussions.

Don’t get me wrong – I love seeing God’s design for marriage and family celebrated in the church.

But, sometimes, I wonder, where are the prayers for single, godly men? Where’s the encouragement for singles navigating life in a culture that glorifies relationships?

It can feel isolating when your stage of life doesn’t seem to fit the norm. But I’ve realised that it’s okay to advocate for myself and for others in the same boat. It’s a reminder to pray for what we hope to see — a thriving community where singles feel seen, valued and supported.

Staying true to my convictions

If I just wanted a partner, I’d probably have one by now. But I’ve learned that singleness isn’t about settling — it’s about staying true to my convictions.

I want a relationship that glorifies God, where two people come together to serve Him and their community. That’s not something I’m willing to compromise on, even amidst societal pressures.

Of course, it’s no secret that dating apps aren’t exactly the most encouraging place for plus-sized, Christian women in Singapore.

But here’s what I know: my worth isn’t defined by the number of matches I get. It’s defined by the God who calls me fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).

The unexpected blessings of singleness

Here’s the thing: as much as I desire a partner, singleness has given me opportunities I might not have had otherwise.

Because I’m single, I’ve gone to Bible college, worked in ministry and discovered my passion for mental health.

I even started my own Instagram platform, @tapestry_sg, where I create safe spaces for people to talk about faith and mental health. I’ve poured into deep friendships and supported others in ways I wouldn’t have had the capacity for if my time were split with a partner or family.

But let’s be real — none of these things have erased my longing for a partner. And that’s okay. The desire for a godly relationship is not something I need to feel guilty about.

Hope in the waiting

So, where does that leave us singles in Singapore, navigating the pressure of a culture that values achievement and family milestones? It leaves us in the hands of a faithful God.

Elisabeth Elliot once said, “God never withholds from His child that which His love and wisdom call good.” If marriage hasn’t come yet, it’s not because God is withholding good. It’s because He’s still working something beautiful in my life.

Romans 8:28 reminds me: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

This Valentine’s Day, I’ll celebrate the love I already have — the love of a Saviour who never leaves me, never disappoints me and never stops pursuing me.

And who knows? Maybe next year will be the year I find my Valentine. But if it’s not, I’ll be okay. Because I’m already loved by the One who matters most.