Since Singapore’s circuit breaker measures kicked in about a week ago, it also meant that all social activities had to be put on hold. No extended family gatherings, no going over to a friend’s house, and definitely no going out on dates.

For dating couples, not seeing each other in person for a long time can prove to be really difficult. Physical separation can seem like emotional distancing in your relationship, but what I’ve come to see is that distance can actually bring good things into your relationship.

If you find yourself struggling through this temporary separation with your significant other, here are ways this distance can prove to be meaningful and beneficial for your relationship.

1. BUILD UP NEW PILLARS

People seem to have gotten used to this idea that the only way to grow close to each other is to literally be close to each other physically, but Dr Jack Schafer, a retired FBI agent, introduced something called the “friendship formula” in his book, The Like Switch.

He said that in every friendship, proximity (how physically close you are) is just one of four parts that make a friendship. The other three are frequency (how often you see each other), duration (how long you see each other for) and intensity (how engaged you are).

Friendships aren’t built by proximity alone. Similarly, neither are our dating relationships. Rather than relying on face to face meetups to build closeness with each other, we can take this time as a chance to explore new ways to build up our relationships.

How this looks like might differ for each couple, so I encourage you to explore and try different things! For my boyfriend and I, we made sure to intentionally text and check-in on each other more frequently. This is a level-up from our usual because my boyfriend is not a texter.

He prefers to talk in person, which is why I’m really thankful that he took the initiative to message and share more even though it doesn’t come naturally for him.

Friendships aren’t built by proximity alone.

Trying new things might push one or both of you out of your comfort zone, but love doesn’t come without some sacrifices. For ladies, this could mean stepping into your man’s world of gaming. 

My boyfriend introduced me to Brawl Stars and we even went on to play RuneScape together, where I was surprised to discover a different side of him. His approach and strategies to games really differed from mine and it taught me not only better gameplay, but revealed more about how he works and thinks.

2. FIRM UP YOUR OWN FOUNDATION

Being in close proximity with each other often brings about a sense of security and assurance.

In this season, with the lack of your loved one’s physical presence, feelings of loneliness might surface. But before just jumping in to spend more time with your significant other, why not take a step back instead?

Take advantage of this period apart to reflect on where your security lies, rediscover the full beauty of who you are as a son or daughter of God, and fully appreciate all that He’s created you to be.

Honestly, I struggle to always put God first. Not just putting Him before my boyfriend, but to put Him before watching a Netflix show or scrolling through Instagram. Especially now when I’m just at home, previous disciplines and routines that I’ve put in place have completely slipped away.

Take advantage of this period apart to reflect on where your security lies.

So I’ve put in more effort to form new disciplines and habits to grow in my intimacy with God. Some things that helped me include journalling down my thoughts while reading the Bible and praying while walking to and fro the supermarket.

I’ve also tried to find ways I can be more Christ-like at home through my interactions with my family. This includes simple things like washing their dishes for them, taking out the trash and doing grocery runs for the family.

This circuit breaker is but a fraction compared to the long days to come in marriage. Looking at this period in light of the future, I realised there’s no real urgency to be together with my boyfriend. Rather, I can make full use of the time I have now to do what I can in this season I’m placed in.

3. PATCH UP SOME CRACKS

Being apart and building your own foundation doesn’t mean you should neglect the relationship. Now is a good time to finally mend the cracks that might have previously been ignored in the past. 

Maybe there are some hard questions you haven’t really contemplated about when it comes to your relationship.

Do you really see yourself marrying the person you’re dating? When will it be a good time to talk about marriage?

Or if you guys already have had the marriage talk, other cracks in your relationship may be areas of unforgiveness or mistrust that you’ve been holding onto. Maybe you need to relook at your boundaries to help set clearer standards and expectations in your relationship.

Marshall Segal, author of Not Yet Married: The Pursuit of Joy in Singleness and Dating, suggested these questions as things we can ask ourselves about our boundaries:

• How often is it healthy to talk?
• How long is it healthy to talk each night?
• What kinds of conversations should we have at each stage of the relationship?
• When is it loving to say, “I love you”?
• When is it safe to talk about marriage? How will we guard each other when talking about marriage?
• How often should we visit each other?
• How will we protect our purity during those short and often more romantic days together?

You don’t have to figure these things out alone as well. Reach out to your church community, close friends or mentors to share with them in how the situation has been affecting you and your relationship.

This is indeed a tough time for many, and stress can come from various areas – not just in relationships. But whatever it may be, let’s continue to be intentional, seek God and stay connected.