Giving up my right to live life the way I want is hard.

How can I deny myself? I’ve always had a high internal locus of control – I don’t believe in letting things just happen to me. We should have the power to make things happen for ourselves, I felt.

So I went after my goals single-mindedly, relentlessly. I rarely took no for an answer. But it was so tiring to strive for the things I wanted. I toiled, and toiled some more.

It would take me years to realise this: We are built to strive. God calls us to surrender. And that’s where the promise of freedom comes to pass.

For so many years, I needed to be in control. It irked me, made my skin crawl whenever something didn’t turn out the way I wanted. It was a deep-seated belief that I held close to my heart: You fight for the things you want.

In those years, God was relegated to the back-burner. I was wrapped in disappointment, irritation and frustration. I was high-strung, and rarely allowed myself to rest.

If I wasn’t chasing grades and leadership positions in school, I was chasing perfection in my craft. If there had been injustice done to me, I would do everything to make sure it was made right.

We are built to strive. God calls us to surrender.

If I had a dream, there was no stopping me until I got what I wanted.

I once went against school policy just to get an internship at a company I wanted to work at. “Whatever you want, you’ll stop at nothing to get ah?”, a lecturer pointedly asked me.

“Sometimes, that isn’t the best way to do things.”

Wise words which fell on deaf ears.

A lot of my friends envied and applauded my supposed drive, my go-getter attitude. But deep down, I knew I was missing something.

Every time I felt a nudging from within to let go of all the expectations, ideals and values I clutched onto tightly, I would brush it aside. That was just my past weak-willed nature – the one I’d fought so hard to get rid of – surfacing, I thought.

I mean, why settle for mediocrity when I could be great?

My pride was talking – and it was feeling chatty. I framed it as simply about having standards. I had my own set of expectations of how life should be lived.

By exercising my rights, I excluded God’s will and purpose over my life. And there I found no peace, only the pain of toil and burnout.

I can’t imagine how much anguish I could have avoided if I had just allowed God to take over the reins earlier.

I had to unlearn my self-sufficiency; it’s been a tough journey for me. I’m still a work in progress, but God has been so good to me. He sent people, circumstances and a church camp my way so that I could follow the breadcrumbs back Home.

During church camp this year, Pastor Martin Steel from Harbourside Church shared with my congregation about how we can submit our will to God. One point stood out to me: We give up our will by being in His presence.

When I invite God into every circumstance – every conversation and every crossroad – a peace envelopes me. I no longer am hard-pressed to see things “succeed” in the way I think it ought to.

The most we can attain doesn’t even scratch the surface of what God can easily do.

Which means that when things in life doesn’t turn out successful (as defined in my own terms), I learnt to accept it and acknowledge that God can do something great with it – even if that seems a far-fetched possibility at that point in time.

God’s heart is for us to live in freedom from our self-sufficient ways, by making Him our sufficiency. The most we can attain doesn’t even scratch the surface of what God can easily do.

Put plainly: We have nothing on God.

In letting go of everything my identity had been rooted in, I’ve found that His way is infinitely better. There is freedom to be found when you allow your weaknesses to be used. When you come as you are, with your insecurities and inadequacy, His strength will negate your weakness.

When we give up our rights, there is a hope that we can hold onto – and that hope is Jesus. Even if things don’t seem to be working out, His glory shines through our lack.

He’s got it covered.

Nail onto your cross all your desires, your dreams, your finances, your time, your life. In order to follow Jesus, we put to death all the things that we hold dear – and our reward will far outweigh all that it has cost us.

If you’re experiencing some form of burnout today – be it in your job, ministry or relationships – take heart. Be courageous; let go; and let God reinstate His Lordship over your life.
You won’t have to toil for another day when you surrender your rights and allow God to have His way – the best way.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. (2 Corinthians 4:16-17)