Every cell group has that person. Whether it’s because they’re busy, “busy” or actually facing a season or deeper issue that they’re not sharing about – there can be many reasons why any member begins to show up once only in a blue moon. 

I know all too well as I’ve been that person before. While I was committed to church and cell group when I was younger, I found myself becoming more lukewarm as I grew up and started to drift away from Christ and church as other priorities clouded my life.

As sad as it is to watch your friends slip away from church, it happens. But what really matters is what we do when we see a brother or sister struggling like this. Sharing from personal experience, here are some things you might consider in your interactions with “flaky” cell members.

Don’t condemn them

It helps to have an open heart towards others, choosing to believe the best of them instead of condemning them.

God has placed all of us in different lives and situations. That means we will each face unique circumstances, some of which could prevent us from attending church constantly. 

Distance could be one factor, for example. Some of my friends live on the opposite side of the island from our church, and have to make a nearly two-hour commute both ways in order to attend cell group and church every week!

On the other hand, I have the privilege of living relatively near my church. And since my family attends the same church as me, it means I can often be dropped off, reducing my transport time to anywhere between 10-15 minutes.

I’ve never had to travel back and forth between home and church for a total of four hours, so I shouldn’t be so quick to judge or condemn others who’ve faced issues like this. 

Of course, there is space for gentle rebukes and discipleship conversations if warranted. But we need discernment, so let’s not be so quick to condemn and instead seek to understand and empathise with our seemingly “less-committed” friends. 

After all, when someone feels as though their dilemma is invalid or that they are being shamed for being “flaky,” this can push them even further away from church.

Don’t be cliquey 

In my flaky era, one of the things that deterred me from going to church was feeling left out.

While I was away, some of my close friends in cell naturally started buddying up with the friends who served with them in ministries that I wasn’t part of. My other close friends had become as flaky as me or had left entirely.

I often felt like I had nobody to sit with during service or hang out with after church. Cell group also became a little awkward as everyone seemed to know and understand each other’s problems and personalities so much better than I did.

Even without being on bad terms with anyone, church sometimes could feel… isolating. 

Don’t get me wrong here: cliques are “natural” in the sense that we are bound to find ourselves becoming closer to those shared experiences and similar passions.

But when people start to feel excluded and left out in church – a place that should be emblematic of Christ’s love towards all – there is likely a problem worth looking into from all sides.

We have to make an effort to plug in and engage, just as we have to consciously open up our circles, intentionally interacting with those on the fringes.

Love is the mark of Jesus’ disciples, and we are all called to spur each other on in the faith (Hebrews 10:24-25). So, let’s love one another and leave no one out.

Catch up with them beyond church walls

Even though I wasn’t consistent in attending church or cell group, my cell leader always made the time and effort to meet me for a meal outside of church. I will always appreciate that.

She never failed to check in on my walk with Jesus, ask me about how school was going, and made sure that I at least had her to confide in when I felt alone. Even when she went on exchange for half a year, she would still text or call to catch up with me.

Proverbs 17:17 tells us that “a friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

Our friendship with our cell-mates should extend beyond the four walls of our church building – it should factor into our daily lives too!

Just because someone hasn’t been attending church or cell group regularly doesn’t mean that they are no longer a part of your church or cell group – it might just mean we need to be more deliberate in our efforts to check in on them and continue to water the friendship. 

For someone who’s struggling with committing to attending church, even having one person in the cell group who they can safely confide in goes a long way.

Whether it’s dropping a text once in a while, celebrating a recent milestone together, or sharing a meal – small acts can amount to a lot. 

I know that I would’ve found it so much more difficult to come back to church, week after week, if I had felt like nobody truly cared about my presence. That is why I’m really glad that my cell leader never gave up on me and always made time for me.

Making our friends know that they are important to you, even “outside” of church, will spur them on in committing to being plugged into a spiritual community that cares for one another and journeys through life together.

Pray for them and with them

As someone who was struggling with her faith, there’s nothing worse than feeling like everyone else has a picture-perfect relationship with God while you’re “falling behind”.  

What I believe really helps is to pray for one another. This could help a friend who is potentially falling away from the faith to be supported and feel understood, and not feel left behind.

Jesus answered many prayers of intercession and cared for those who didn’t have the ability to meet Him themselves.

While our friends’ needs and prayer requests may not be as “dramatic” as the synagogue leader who prayed for his severely ill daughter (Matthew 9:18-26) or the father who pleaded for Jesus to cast out the unclean spirit from his son (Mark 9:14-29) – God still sees us and hears our prayers.

Moreover, by praying with our friends, we can help to remind them of the importance and power of prayer, and even help them experience God’s presence in their lives. That’s surely the best thing we can do for them!

It takes discipline and sacrifice to commit to attending church and cell group weekly. 

While our busyness and seasons cannot be excuses for constantly not prioritising God, it’s crucial to remember to still be empathetic towards our friends. We must help to create a safe and welcoming space for them at cell group and church.

As a former flaky cell member, it was ultimately my relationship with my friends at church that played a huge role in bringing me back into my fold.

I am so thankful that God has sent such people into my life to help me when I was struggling. Moving forward, I’ll certainly be extending the same care I received to friends who seem to need it!