Cell was quieter that day. There weren’t many of us around – just the leaders and three peers of mine who all happened to serve in the same ministry. And then our leaders asked us a discussion question.

Are you guys thinking what I’m thinking? My three peers were glancing at one another without even looking at me. Then they all blurted out the same answer in sync, an answer that I did not share.

Honestly, I felt left out. I’d been close to all of them before, but as I hadn’t attended cell group in a while (which also meant I didn’t spend as much time with them since I served in a different ministry) things had become a little awkward.

Cliques are not uncommon. We’re bound to be drawn to people with similar interests as us, or towards those we spend more time with (such as friends serving in the same ministry, week after week).

Most of us would likely have a few friends that we deem as slightly closer to us, with whom we would be more inclined to spending time with both inside and outside of service.

But cliques can also be dangerous and even tear the cell apart, especially if there is friction between different cliques or if somebody ends up feeling particularly isolated. And if cliques lead to things like gossip and division, it could easily cause a peer to stumble or be hurt in church.  

And so, here are a few practical things we can do to cancel out cliques and foster real fellowship.

1. Quit cliques – engage with those who are left out

Despite being an ambivert, it does take me time to warm up to people, and being less distant is something that I’ve had to push myself to do. 

I’d much rather interact with people within my own cell and cell friend group, but this can be very alienating for cell members who might be “flakier” and show up less often. 

The cell groups I’ve been in have all tended to be larger, which means that it’s pretty much impossible to be close to everyone.

But we should still make an effort to get to know everyone on a deeper level, especially those who find themselves on the fringes. Sometimes all it takes is a meaningful conversation when we see them around. 

From experience, I know that feeling lonely in church is the worst.

If you already have friends, then be a friend to those who don’t have them. It’s always good to get to know others outside your circle and find out how God is working in their lives too!

And if you’re ever feeling left out, you can also try to reach out to someone else who you notice has been keeping mostly to themselves. Let your cell leaders know as well, so they can step in to offer a hand where possible. 

2. Mix around in cell group 

It can be challenging to engage with those we are not yet comfortable with, especially if we are more introverted in nature.

But a cell group is the perfect safe space to mix around with those whom you may not necessarily gravitate toward. 

The cells in my church’s youth ministry are divided based on age.

Barring a few exceptions, anyone born in the same year would be in the same cell group. This meant that we would get to know all kinds of friends who were walking different paths in life.

I was a JC kid at that point of time, and I wouldn’t have been able to get to know many people from Polytechnics and ITEs if it weren’t for my cell group!

Being surrounded by friends with similar experiences is usually what most people are inclined towards, but it can also massively limit our perspectives on the world and exclude friends who may be charting a different path.

In an ideal cell group, everyone in the group should be at least relatively comfortable with each other so cliques don’t hinder fellowship and authentic conversations can be had.

There are many practical things we can do to encourage this kind of environment. For instance, cell leaders can consider facilitating discussions that don’t involve buddying up with the same people each time.

A simple tweak like this could certainly help newcomers get to know others within the cell more easily.

3. Consider the intention behind your cliques

How and why did your “church clique” form in the first place? And what’s kept it together all this time? 

Was it because you grew up attending Sunday School together, and then continued having similar interests and a similar walk in life? Is it because these are your favourite people to gossip with and “spill tea” in church? 

Or is it because you genuinely feel as though these brothers and sisters are the ones who challenge and nourish you the most spiritually?

If it’s the former, move away from such things. If it’s the latter, learn to include others as you edify one another.

Consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24-25), and make an active effort to love and care for one another in spite of our differences.

That is the very sort of thing that pleases God when He looks at our cell group.

A community focused on Christ and His ways will love one another. There is no room for selfishness or isolation in such a group.

Let’s not be so focused on “finding our people” at church. It’s far more important to keep in mind that we are all God’s people (1 Peter 2:10).

Cliques make it easy to love select members of our cell, instead of everyone in it. But Jesus calls us to love one another as He has loved us.

So, let’s take a step back from that, and reflect on what we can do to foster fellowship and love one another like Christ!