“I refuse to accept this prognosis,” I can still hear myself say. “I’m not going to terminate the pregnancy.”

I got married in June 2015, ready to have children. My husband Ernest and I decided early on that three would be a good number, if God allowed.

By December that year, we were expecting our first child, which was a miracle on its own, given that I have six fibroids in my womb – and women with just one already experience difficulty conceiving.

Delivery wasn’t easy. After a horrifying 35 hours followed by induction, coupled with a mid-delivery scare due to the baby’s irregular heartbeat and mild distress, I successfully gave birth to our daughter, Vanna, via natural delivery in August 2016.

I considered stopping at one after the trauma from this first experience, but we’d initially wanted more – so we stuck to our plan. By September the next year, we tested positive on our pregnancy test.

Thinking that all would be well, we told our parents the good news shortly after.

However, this happiness was shortlived when I started bleeding one day. The gynaecologist described it as a biochemical pregnancy – in layman’s terms, a “very early pregnancy loss”. We were all heartbroken, but we thought to ourselves: Perhaps God didn’t think it was the right time for our second child.

Holding on to hope despite our grief, we discovered we were pregnant again at the end of 2017. This time, everything looked good. When it was time for my 12-week scan, I went alone as Ernest was away on a work trip, thinking it was just another routine scan.

I didn’t think it would be a scan that would change our lives forever.

After the scan, I was asked to wait in the room for a second one. Unsure of what was happening, I went along with it, until I found myself sitting with a doctor who broke the news that they were not able to see the foetus’ skull through the scan, which points to a rare congenital disorder called acrania.

Babies with acrania are born with under-developed skulls and have a long-term survival rate of zero percent.

In medical terms, my baby was “incompatible with life”.

My mind went blank; this had to be a nightmare that I needed to wake up from. “You have an option to terminate the pregnancy,” I was then told. “I refuse,” was my reply, saying I was going to get a second opinion.

The second opinion was the same. So was the third. We didn’t want to believe it, but my baby really had acrania, and he/she was unlikely survive even if I were to go through with the pregnancy.

Is this some joke from God? I’d already suffered through the miscarriage of my second child. Now I had to decide if I wanted to take an “unnecessary pregnancy risk” or terminate the pregnancy, move on and try for another child.

But when we saw our baby’s heart still beating strong and fighting the odds stacked against him/her, Ernest and I knew we would continue with the pregnancy. Even as the parents, we acknowledged that life and death is God’s domain, not ours. We don’t actually have the right to decide if our baby lives or dies.

“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.” (Psalm 127:3-5)

And in my heart, I knew that God doesn’t make mistakes – that there had to be something good that could come from this situation, even if we couldn’t see it from where we stood.

After spending time in prayer and speaking to our pastors, we confirmed that we would see this pregnancy to delivery. One of the pieces of advice received that stayed with us was: “As children of God, we live for eternity and we make decisions of eternal value; whether you meet your baby on earth or in heaven, will you be able to honestly say that you loved him/her with your all?”

This baby might still be a foetus, but he/she is already part of our family, and we will love him/her and give our best, no matter how difficult the road ahead looks. Family doesn’t leave anyone behind.

In this waiting season as we draw closer to my expected delivery date, September 18, 2018, God has been so real to us. We are so encouraged by the sermons we hear in church and the messages of encouragement from our spiritual family. No matter what happens in the days to come, I know that when we look back upon this time, we will see hope amidst the trial.

We have been praying for a miracle, but our hope does not lie in the miracle itself – it lies in the God of the impossible. His sovereign will be done, for He is always good.

We are on a journey to witness the mighty hand and loving heart of our Good Father. This is not the end.

Benecia and Ernest are currently awaiting the birth of their child. Send them your thoughts and prayers here.