When I first felt a lump in my breast, I never thought I would be diagnosed with Stage 2 cancer. After all, I was the fittest I had been in a long time.

I had just completed my basic training for the SAF Volunteer Corps. I had also been exercising daily, a habit I formed with my friends during the circuit breaker.

But my world crashed and I couldn’t stop crying when the doctor called to tell me that the results from the mammogram and ultrasound didn’t look good.

While waiting for a follow-up with the breast surgeon, I was an absolute wreck. I even started planning my own funeral – what songs should be sung, who should deliver my eulogies, etc.

I laugh thinking about it now, but the despair was real at that point in time. I would cry in my room, but most often when I was driving.

In June 2020, I was officially diagnosed with triple positive breast cancer after a biopsy. Because the results showed that this type of cancer was more aggressive, I had to do more scans to make sure that it had not spread to the other breast or the rest of the body.

Thankfully, the scans confirmed that the cancer was localised. My doctors were also very reassuring.

The treatment plan was six rounds of chemotherapy, a lumpectomy to remove the tumour as well as radiation and targeted therapy. I recently did a count – I made at least 45 trips to the hospital over the past seven months.

I FELT LIKE GIVING UP

Chemotherapy was the toughest thing I’ve ever been through. I can’t even describe just how tough it was.

After the first round of chemotherapy, I was in so much discomfort and pain. I struggled with nausea, gastric, acid reflux, hot flashes, night sweats and body aches, among other things.

I really wanted to give up. I prayed and told God that I didn’t want to do go through chemotherapy anymore.

But His comfort came just two days later during a review with my oncologist. She told me that there was a possibility that I would only need to do four rounds of chemotherapy instead of the original six.

My body was reacting well to the treatment, and the tumour could no longer be felt through physical examination. An ultrasound scan also confirmed that the tumour had shrunk by more than half after just one chemotherapy session!  

I was SO happy upon hearing that – I felt like God knew what I was going through.

GOD WAS TAKING CARE OF ME

The second round of chemotherapy was when I experienced the most hair loss. I was prepared for the loss of hair on my head, but not on my eyebrows and eyelashes!

But one day, God spoke to me through this verse.

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Gradually, I stopped feeling anxious and worried about the results, and I had a lot of peace in my heart – I knew I was being taken care of by God. I was able to give thanks and surrender my fears, burdens and worries to Him.

After finishing my fourth round of chemotherapy, my oncologist said that she would still like me to finish the planned six rounds. But I saw God’s divine intervention in that whole process!

On the day that I was supposed to do my sixth round, my liver enzyme readings were still trending upwards, so my oncologist decided to defer the sixth round and requested for my surgery to be brought forward.

After completing my surgery, the results came back with clear margins. That meant there was no need for a sixth round of chemotherapy! 

This once again reminded me of how much God was in control of my life.

“Do not let your suffering go to waste.” 

These words from a friend were deeply etched in my heart as I went through chemotherapy.

As I saw how God worked in my life, I wanted the people around me to see His glory. I made it a point to tell others that all I had received was by God’s grace.

I wasn’t lucky; I was blessed. 

I had such good and nice doctors, nurses and radiation therapists who made every visit to the hospital joyful and warm.

During the course of my treatment, I was still able to eat, and had the energy to drive out to meet my friends and exercise regularly. I was also able to continue with my weekly Bible study classes, cell group and healing ministry sessions. 

My family and friends were also extremely supportive. The outpour of love that I received was so overwhelming that it often brought me to tears.

All my cousins wanted to shave their heads to stand in solidarity with me. My parents, aunties and grandma took turns to cook nutritious meals for me. My friends sent one care pack after another. Some even volunteered to fetch me to my treatments too.

Within a couple of days of learning about my diagnosis, my bosses delegated my work, so that I could focus on getting well. My closest colleagues also put together a video to spur me on. I had so many people from different Christian groups praying for me!

GOD WAS IN CONTROL

While it may seem like bad news to receive a cancer diagnosis, I have only seen God’s grace and goodness throughout the entire journey.

Looking back, I thank God for this humbling experience that drew me closer to Him.

One of the main things that I’ve learnt over the past seven months was just how little control I had.

People around me would tell me things like: “You fought this well!”. Deep down, I was aware that the credit was not mine.

All I did was to turn up during my scheduled appointments and let the doctors and nurses do their work. How the medication would work in my body and how effective it would be, I had absolutely no control over. 

All I could do was to cling onto God, knowing that He was in control. 

The constant reminder to give thanks also taught me to see God’s hand in all aspects of my life. There’s always a silver lining, always something to give thanks for.

2020 can be pretty much summed up in 3C for me: COVID-19, Cancer and Christ.

One year ago, I wouldn’t have imagined that the year would turn out this way. But I’m thankful because I’ve learnt so much.

I’m thankful for a second chance in life. I’m also happy to announce that I’ll be getting baptised in February – something that I’ve put off for the past 11 years!

As of now, I’m officially cancer free, but I still have a series of injections to take once every three weeks until the end of May. I’m also on oral medication all the way to 2025 (5 years!).

Do I sometimes wonder if the cancer would come back? Of course I do!

The difference now is that I’m neither worried nor scared because I know that God is with me and He is in control. When I find myself stressing or worrying over things, I’m reminded to pray and surrender them to God.

When we’re going through a tough period in our lives, I’ve realised how important it is to glorify God in our actions. When we behave differently from how others expect us to behave, people may be intrigued to find out why and prayerfully come to know of God.

I couldn’t agree more with this line from “In Christ Alone” by Brian Littrell:

“In every victory, let it be said of me. My source of strength, my source of hope is Christ alone.”