I wanted to commit suicide before I turned 18. 

I was sick of life. I was just sick of everything. I had lived in a thick darkness for more than half my life, where my anxious and depressive thoughts continued to weigh on me. I was walking into destruction with no purpose to live, and I was weary from thinking that I was destined for hell because of all the things I thought, said and did.

In my escalating despair, suicide became the “solution” to save myself from the increasing pains of being in this world.

Six weeks before I turned 18, I had one of my worst episodes of depression.

 I experienced more agony in despair than I had thought was possible. I struggled for 42 days until my birthday passed – then it got worse. I started questioning what was the point of preserving my life. I was confused because I did not understand why I was still alive after I turned 18.

And while this emotional turmoil was going on within me, the world continued to demand things of me: I had the A-Level examinations and heavy workload hanging over me along with other fears and concerns.

Terror filled me when I realised I had reached my breaking point … I decided to take my own life that night.

I never told anybody or did anything about it … it just ate me up from the inside.

Even when I started to stumble and was on the verge of breakdown, I remained quiet, putting all my strength into pulling myself up. I stumbled another time, then another … until I finally ran out of strength and will to go on. 

Terror filled me when I realised I had reached my breaking point … I decided to take my own life that night.

It was a Sunday night, and I was texting a friend, still pretending to be normal. I forgot what I had said, but it sounded strange enough for my friend to notice and ask if I was okay. I broke down and I admitted what I wanted to do that night.

At that time, I was strongly against Christianity. My friend, however, decided to pray for me and told me to go to sleep. I felt offended and even lashed out in anger.

But I went to bed instead of taking my life.

But a miracle happened the next morning. The first thing I noticed was that the heavy weight in my chest had vanished.

I felt distinctly lighter. And later on in the day, I realised my mind was no longer racing with negative thoughts. I no longer knew why I wanted to end my life.

All this happened overnight, without me doing anything that could have alleviated my pain. Months of mental torture disappeared and the fog cleared.

I could actually feel things like peace and happiness again.

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7)

There’s only one possible explanation: My friend prayed, God came through for me, and my life was saved. 

I do not know what would have become of me if my friend hadn’t noticed my odd behaviour. And I don’t know what would have happened if not for the prayer. I was on my way to death – but God is a merciful, loving and powerful God. 

Today I live in the confidence that if I ever have to go through depression again, God can lift the weight from me. He has done it once and He can do it again. And if He did it for me – a great sinned who hadn’t even accepted Christ at the time – He can surely do it for many more.

* The author’s name has been changed for confidentiality.