This was written by Benecia in response to her own piece, “They said my unborn baby is incompatible with life“, following the delivery of her son Elkan, who was diagnosed with acrania in the womb.

40 weeks and four days of gestation have passed, during which we spent a lot of quality time as a family together with Elkan before his birth. We even went on an overseas trip and made many wonderful memories together.

Elkan means God creates, his Chinese name is “杨勇耀” (Yáng Yǒng Yào), words expressed best with the Chinese couplet “勇敢无惧，荣耀归神” (yǒng gǎn wú jù, róng yào guī shén), which means bravery without bounds, and all glory to God.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:13-14)

However, the days leading up to the delivery were exceptionally difficult. I was calling funeral services while praying and believing God for a miracle; looking forward to meeting Elkan yet wishing he could stay in my tummy for a little while longer, where his chances of survival were greater.

I felt like I’d been split into two on the inside; my emotional tank was almost empty.

In the end, I’d say a miracle did take place, not one of healing, but one of love and life.

And I say this because following a very traumatic birth experience with our elder daughter, Vanna, my gynaecologist asked why I still chose to have children. I told her it was because of love. And while Elkan was still in my womb, I had an encounter with God that sealed my response.

He too had a “traumatic birth experience” with His only son, Jesus. He knew Jesus was born to die a sinner’s death, punished horribly for the sins of all mankind. Why did He still choose life? Similarly, though not comparable, I chose to carry Elkan to term despite knowing the pain we’d experience as his parents – because of love.

“Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love.” (1 Corinthians 16:13-14)

God’s miracle of love also touched my heart in another way: He sent angels into our lives and kept speaking to us in various ways to assure us that He loves us, He is faithful, He is good, and that He’d never leave us nor forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6).

From the day when we received the prognosis of Elkan’s condition, the sermon in church was already speaking to our situation. And while listening to worship songs, I chanced upon a worship song by Babbie Mason called ‘Trust His Heart”, whose lyrics ministered to me greatly.

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don’t understand
When don’t see His plan
When you can’t trace His hand
Trust His heart

Friends and family supported us in our faith, sending us reports of infants who had survived despite negative prognoses and other testimonies of God’s miracles. Our family was covered in prayer by many brothers and sisters in Christ, and we could feel God’s love always with us, sustaining us.

Elkan’s life and his coming into this world was a miracle in itself. As our faith grew in the waiting, we knew that Elkan was not some “random error” as termed by medical science. God had a perfect plan and purpose for his life, and for our whole family.

He was truly our brave warrior; all the way to his estimated delivery date he fought to survive in my womb, although doctors had warned that he’d probably be born prematurely or may pass away before birth.

But on September 19, 2018, at his full term, Elkan continued fighting – successfully making it through natural delivery, which was no easy feat for him without a skull to endure being pushed through the birth canal.

We knew that it was God’s hand covering and protecting him all the way out into the world, to have six precious hours with Daddy, Mummy and all the people who love him. Although he wasn’t able to take in milk and his vitals were very weak, he continued to push through. We were cuddling him and singing to him before he had to go back home to Jesus.

“Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.” (John 12:24)

After Elkan’s passing, God showed me John 12:24 and told me that through his birth and brief life, many will come to the kingdom of God. He affirmed this word through two fellow sisters-in-Christ. Someone else also told me that because I’d chosen to give Elkan the gift of life, his gift to us was also the gift of life – a lasting reminder of an everlasting life beyond this one.

But in this season, emotions are real, grieving is real … The pain is real. And right within this pain, God proves loving, faithful and still very much the God of miracles. We trust that He will give us the grace to make it through anything He, in His unchanging goodness, allows us to experience.

While dealing with the pain, I trust that we will experience His peace through the storms and strength even in the darkest nights. We have hope that He will carry us through, one day at a time.

I still believe that God is able to perform miracles. But even if He does not give me the miracle I want, He is still my Good Father who supplies all I need.

If you’d like to send words and prayers of support to Benecia and Ernest, you can reach them here.