Does being single bother you?

Well, it bothers me. Sometimes.

I still feel slightly embarrassed when asked if I am single. It’s even worse when everyone else in the room is attached. What if people think I have unresolved issues in my life, or unrealistic expectations? Will they think I’m not attractive – or simply not good enough?

Will they start pitying me, thinking how lonely I must be?

I myself am guilty of pitying other singles. She has such a heart for God and people, why is she still not married?

How is it, that instead of being concerned about my friends’ spiritual and emotional well-being, I wonder about their marital status?

I realised, somewhere along the way, I bought into the world’s thinking that singles are incomplete without a partner – that there must be something wrong with us.

Insecure, I question God: Why have You not blessed me with something I so greatly desire? Have You forgotten me? Lord, I don’t understand!

After years of struggling, I realised that the only way to not be bogged down by my singleness is to surrender these negative thoughts and feelings to God – to constantly remind myself of His truths.

CLINGING ON TO GOD’S TRUTHS

Whenever I am tempted to think that singleness is a lesser state, I hold onto a few truths about God’s love for me:

  • Nothing can separate me from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39) – certainly not singleness
  • I am complete in Him alone (Colossians 2:10) – not completed by a man
  • Singleness is a gift for me in this season of my life
  • He has a plan and purpose for me (Jeremiah 29:11)
  • He will never shortchange me

I remember this one time, my dog was watching me eat some grapes. She looked at me with such endearing eyes – she really wanted those juicy-looking grapes.

But I knew grapes are toxic to dogs, and so I refrained from giving her any because I love her. And it occurred then to me, that she would never understand why I won’t give her grapes.

While marriage isn’t a bad thing, it’s not the best thing for this point of my life.

In a similar way, I may never comprehend why the Lord withholds something I desire. As a loving master myself, I believe it’s because God knows something that I don’t.

While marriage isn’t a bad thing, it’s not the best thing for this point of my life. If it was – because God is infinitely good and infinitely wise – I would be married!

And when I just don’t know anymore – it’s an immeasurable assurance to know that He works for my good. I don’t need to be ashamed of being single. I refuse to be deceived into thinking that I am less desirable, less worthy or forgotten by God.
He remembers me. He loves me always.

AN INTENTIONAL SEARCH

While I am now contented and thankful for my singleness, it doesn’t mean that I’ve given up all hope of finding my life partner. It certainly doesn’t mean I’ll sit here and wait for someone to magically appear.

As we wait upon the Lord and pray for our future life partner, we should be proactive in the right spirit.

For instance, another single friend and I were invited to a barbecue organised by a Young Adults group. I immediately wondered, “Isn’t it embarrassing to go with the intention of meeting someone there? What are the odds of that happening?”

But my friend thought differently. For her, not accepting the invitation would be akin to turning down an opportunity to meet other singles. Although it was probable that nothing would happen – there was still a chance.

Where I had previously thought that only desperate people go for such mingling events, I now approach them in the right spirit.

She encouraged me, reminding me of the times we lamented how there weren’t any opportunities to meet new people. She reminded me that being intentional in meeting new people isn’t something to be shy about.

When she said these things, something changed in my heart. Where I had previously baulked at the idea of attending a singles event, I was now willing to go for the barbecue.

Where I had previously thought that only desperate people go for such mingling events, I now approach them in the right spirit. It can be a great way to meet individuals who are also looking for a life partner.

Because each time we make an effort, we are planting a seed. We may need to get out of our comfort zone to plant these seeds – but one day we may actually see fruit.

Did you find the read helpful? If you would like to receive regular news and encouragement for your faith + family, subscribe here! This article was first published on Whole Life and republished with permission.