When I was a young boy, my father told me three words that have always stayed with me: See the heart.

That didn’t mean a lot to me initially, but Dad helped me make sense of things. He explained that it’s often not immediately apparent why people act the way they do. For instance, growing up, I didn’t know why my mum kept nagging me over curfews and how I was doing in school.

It was easy to feel like I was being hounded, and associate Mum with things that weren’t fun — writing her off that way.

But in my annoyance, though I couldn’t see it at the time, Dad told me simply that what was in Mum’s heart was love for me. She was concerned for me, which meant she was taking steps to help me — I just wasn’t mature enough to see it.

With some help from him, as I learnt to see my mother’s heart, I found I grew to understand her better. I could predict the steps she would take, and I knew why she took them — like grounding me or signing me up for tuition.

In time, I began to trust her — even to understand her heart — and it made it a lot easier to fully obey my folks, especially when it was annoying or inconvenient to do so.

There is great value in choosing to see the heart of a person or an issue.

Now that I’m in adulthood, I find that I use it most often in relation to my fiancée. I know her very well, so I know her heart for me — what she wants for my life and for our relationship. This priceless security of heart knowledge affords us a buffer to couch our relationship in, whenever doubts or quarrels come our way.

She might tell me I need to run because I’m developing a paunch. With my ego pricked, I might be tempted to lash out. But seeing her heart would put me on a different train of thought.

That train of thought might sound something like this: That was not the nicest way to tell me I need exercise. But I know her heart for me, and she wants health and a long life together with me. I’m going to trust her and love her by actually going for a run tonight.

Also, it’s somewhat similar to knowing each other’s love languages. When she does something for me that isn’t what I typically derive joy from, say for example, carving out quality time for me — I still make the conscious effort to see her heart.

That means believing the best of her while contemplating why she took such an action — nevertheless esteeming and accepting love from such a heart.

Seeing the heart is also a particularly useful practice to lean on during a relational conflict, where kicked up feelings and hurts tend to make for a foggy perspective of the issue at hand.

In the scenario of a quarrel, seeing the heart would be asking reflective questions to get to the root of the issue.

• Where is all this coming from?
• Why, really, is he/she lashing out at me?
• What is driving this persistent resentment?
• Why is there still unforgiveness?

When we see the heart of the issue, we stay in the room of the feeling instead of fleeing from it, but also help ourselves get some distance and perspective on why we’re even in that room in the first place.

Seeing the heart helps us momentarily look past whatever painful action was committed, disarming the tensions and pains that have precipitated over time.

To the one who chooses to look for the heart, it brings clarity past pride, helping him/her know where and how he/she should take the conversation towards a peaceful resolution.

If we always try and see the heart behind things, we will develop a lifestyle of looking out for what is on God’s heart — His heart for us and the rest of the world around.

Learning to walk in step with God, our very will will be realigned to His.

When we constantly think of what God’s heart is with regards to our life or a specific issue, that is becoming attuned to His frequency. Learning to walk in step with God, our very will will be realigned to His.

“Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart.” (Proverbs 21:2)

Furthermore, as we seek God’s heart for every aspect of our lives, we grow to know and trust Him. We become familiar with His immutable character and Word.

And when temptations or trials come our way — and they will come our way — we will not be mired in grievances, beating our chests aimlessly. We’ll remember that we live within the wings of a God who loves us with an everlasting love, and cares for us with unfailing kindness.

Learn to see the heart in every situation.

Take responsibility for truly perceiving what happens in your life. Don’t merely react to the stuff that happens around you. Instead, asking for divine clarity, respond in ways that build one another up and usher Christ in.

And always remember how God sees our hearts (Jeremiah 17:10, 1 Samuel 16:7). He knows us inside out. Filthy and broken as we are, He wants us. He sees our heart for the barren thing it is, but also sees it for all of its potential and destiny.

Such is how our God looks deep within. May we look through those same eyes at the people we meet, and truly perceive in the situations we encounter.

“Prove me, O Lord, and try me; test my heart and my mind.” (Psalm 26:2) “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24)