I want you to think about your lowest point in life. What do you feel when you recall the memory? Maybe you don’t want to remember it – that’s alright.

My lowest point was about two years ago while I was in National Service. It was my first time in a leadership role and frankly, I wasn’t ready for it.

In my first few days, the sheer amount of responsibility I was given right off the bat made me anxious and uneasy. There was an overwhelming weight being placed on my shoulders. I wasn’t coping well emotionally either. I missed my family and was envious of my close friends who got to go home every day and had the luxury of a job scope that required much less effort for the exact same pay or more.

I was unhappy and refused to accept my circumstances – after all, I hadn’t asked for any of this.

I’ve just begun to know what it means
To step out in faith to what seems to be
The hardest things, the hardest things

So, when the time came for me to start leading, I was a horrible leader. I hated my job, I couldn’t empathise with the people under me and when things went wrong, I blamed the people around me. Very quickly, a lot of relationships soured.

Knowing that most of the people around you hated you in one way or another sucked. It didn’t help that I was making rookie mistakes often, or that I had to play the bad guy sometimes because of my position. I felt incompetent not just in my job, but socially and worst of all, spiritually. Here I was, the Christian who had shown himself to be selfish, quick to judge and unforgiving.

At this point I felt like a complete failure. I had done and said so many things that I could never take back. I prayed hard and tried to fix things, but eventually, things got so difficult that I finally broke. I had reached my lowest point.

Yet I will know that this is for good
‘Cause that’s what You promised
And You keep Your word

This was a season of testing. It is easy to be Christian if you’re sitting in an air-conditioned room on a Sunday morning with a live band to accompany you in worship and a pastor who preaches to you. But it is difficult when you face trials, usually on your own. It is even more difficult when the situation you face is of your own doing.

In these moments, what you truly believe about God and yourself is revealed.

As time passed, my days in National Service did eventually get better, but not because they were any easier. I didn’t hear a clear reply or reason as to why every day was so difficult, but I suppose that wasn’t His intention. He wanted me to draw close.

You don’t leave us in the hurting
Seasons are for trees to grow
You will meet us in our mourning
And turn our sorrow into joy

Never before, had I wanted to dig deep into the Word for evidence as to why I believed what I believed – to build on rock instead of sand (Matthew 7:24-27).

Never before, did I question my own motives in leadership so closely (1 Corinthians 10:31).

And never before, did I feel the constant need to preach the Gospel to myself – to cling onto hope when things were hopeless (2 Corinthians 4:7-11), to believe in His mercy when I made mistakes (1 John 1:9) and to believe in the goodness (Psalm 119: 68) and righteousness (Psalm 11:7) of the Father amidst the brokenness in myself and those around me.

I was being changed.

God you are with me every step
You listen and hear me
When I’m at my worst you’re still my best

On my ORD, I joined this year’s intake at Awaken Generation, a worship-mentorship school, as a Songwriting student. With the help of my amazing mentors, I wrote a song entitled “Seasons” for my mid-year assignment.

The message of “Seasons” is quite simple: It is about fighting for your faith while you are going through a lot of pain. It is anchored on the promise that His plans for you are good (Romans 8:28) and a reminder that God is ever-present with us in our mourning (Psalm 34:18).

I may not understand what some of you who are reading this have gone through or are going through, but I do know that it is difficult to feel loved while we are going through the worst. At the same time, I know that it is in my human nature to take Jesus for granted – to really believe that Jesus is really all we need until we reach a point where He is all we have.

You don’t leave us in the hurting
You are close to broken hearts
And here we offer them up
To Father God

For anyone who is going through a difficult time, take heart. Jesus knows and understands your pain and He asks you to come close (1 Peter 3:18). This world is not our home.

“Seasons” is a song from Awaken Generation‘s latest album, “Our Light Has Come”, which has been released on October 24, 2018, on all major music platforms.