Reading the news, I discovered that it’s an up-and-coming trend for people to plan their funeral. As one person interviewed for the article said: “I am the best person to know what I want.”

These prearrangements range from simple affairs aimed at reminiscence, to outrageous “life celebrations” of the deceased. One man wanted a karaoke machine for his loved ones to sing his favourite tunes on his last journey.

I was intrigued. I thought it would be great to plan my funeral, right down to the little details. And furthermore, if God really is calling me to a life of singleness, then I guess this would be the closest thing to planning for a wedding.

God has told us He has already numbered all our days. Yet I still seek as much control over my life as I can get.

So, I began to think about what my perfect funeral would look like.

It is not to be a “life celebration”, because death is real and my funeral has to include space for grieving. Yet I will place no obligation to dress in mourning colours: I want to give everyone the space to express the myriad emotions one experiences apart from grief. (Don’t wear red – a celebratory colour – out of respect, though.)

I want all my favourite songs on a playlist: I’ll Make a Man Out of You from Mulan; Circle of Life from The Lion King‘s another favourite. The latter would be apt for the occasion too!

Of course, there have to be Christian songs as well. This will be my last chance to testify of God and the life He has/had given me to steward on earth. So, I’d want these hymns to be included in the playlist – non-negotiable.

ONE LAST SONG: MY FUNERAL PLAYLIST

1. BEFORE THE THRONE OF GOD ABOVE

This song is dear to my heart, both as a plea to God, and a reminder of His promise of complete forgiveness of sin.

I clung to the lyrics of this hymn to tide me through a bad patch in life several years ago. On the cusp of young adulthood and in the midst of personal struggle, I found myself listening to this hymn many times, encouraging myself with its lyrics. In particular, the chorus resonated within the walls of my heart:

When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin

For me, these lines convey the message that the Christian life makes no promises of comfort – but they do promise that all who trust in Christ are cleansed from the guilt of sin. It’s a song which affirms the reality of our sin, but also gives a definitive answer to the way out: Being purchased by the blood of the Lamb, through death on the Cross.

2. O GREAT GOD

 

Based on “Regeneration”, a prayer written in The Valley of Vision, it was an eloquent descriptor of my heart’s plea: For God to reign over my heart’s desires.

I knew, that left to my own devices, I would remain in the stain of sin. As someone who chose the Christian faith out of fear as a child, these lyrics encapsulated the transformation of my heart when l really owned my faith as a young adult.

Only by the Holy Spirit may a person understand the message of the Gospel – what fitting words to leave behind!
 

3. ALL I HAVE IS CHRIST

 

The lyrics of this song describe God’s mercy for Man, despite Man’s rebellion and indifference to Him. These lyrics are a testament to God’s grace towards His rebellious and sinful people. In particular, the last verse was an exhortation I wanted those present at my funeral to take home: Live for God, enabled by His strength to be vessels available for His use and glory.

Still, while I already have my funeral all planned out, I find myself not fully at ease thinking about it. It’s not just about it being a taboo topic in conservative Asian society. That’s not the issue. I know, despite the sting of physical death, that there is life on the other side of eternity.

This is the root of my unease: God has told us He has already numbered all our days (Job 14:5, Psalm 139:16); He has given me life, which I am to use according to His will. Yet I still seek as much control over my life as I can get. I want things my way.

I wonder if planning my own funeral is yet another attempt for control in the face of impending, inevitable death.

I didn’t set out to play God when thoughts of planning my funeral first surfaced. I still don’t think there’s any inherent wrong in wanting to plan your funeral. In fact, I see value in it: It saves the family of the deceased the added burden of deciding on funeral arrangements amid their profound grief.

I wonder if planning my own funeral is yet another attempt for control in the face of impending, inevitable death.

I know the impulse of my planning comes from an insecure and controlling heart. It stems from my fear of things not going as planned.

So I’m learning to hold on more loosely to the things I hold dear. This includes planning for my funeral; I hope to be at ease with giving up control over this when my time comes.