I was the studious one in my family. I was the one that my parents would boast about due to my good results, the one that my cousins were constantly compared to, the one who enjoyed studying and could ace tests and exams.

This label of being a “scholar” stuck with me as I grew older, and my self-worth was tied to my performance in school. And having performed well in all the national examinations, this pressure only grew. 

My family wasn’t particularly well-to-do, so they believed that my good grades could be a way out of poverty. My parents were also constantly quarrelling and leaving home – it was an extremely dysfunctional environment.

Praise and affirmation from my family only came when I achieved good grades. As a result, my self-worth would fluctuate like the stock market. 

I came to know Christ during my time in secondary school which was a mission school.

Having been introduced to Christianity in secondary one and as someone with a naturally inquisitive mind, I grew curious about who this “Jesus” person is. 

I connected with one of the leaders in the church attached to my school, and wanted to find out more about her God.

Upon attending a youth fellowship night hosted by their church, I accepted Christ.

Big fish in a small pond

But it was only in my university days that I truly encountered God and took my faith seriously.

While I was always “the best of the best” academically in primary school, secondary school and junior college, my grades fell to Cs and Ds in university.

Suddenly, I couldn’t compete with others – I was now underperforming.

Though I didn’t realise it at the time, I struggled with bouts of depression and anxiety because I was striving for perfection. On top of that, I was still grieving my mother’s passing from cancer, which happened during my junior college years.

I wrestled with why God had to take my mother away from me. Amidst my grief, I remember even telling God offhandedly that I loved my mother enough to give up a few years of my life for her to come back. 

Some time later, I heard God say to me: “David, I love you so much. I have heard your cry – I know that you are willing to give up a few years of life for your mother, yet I love you so much more that I sent My Son to die for you.”

I broke down when I received those words from God.

That whole year, I kept encountering God and witnessed many instances of His healing power.

There was one incident when I saw an elderly man being knocked down by a car. I felt led to kneel down and pray for the man when I reached the site of the accident.

I prayed: “God, help him regain consciousness” and “God, help the blood to stop gushing out.

By some miracle, after the man had been rushed to the hospital, I was informed that he would be fine after all! 

Grace over grades

Around that time, the Lord also sent a senior from school to reach out and bring me to his church. I was attending one of their prayer meetings when I had an overwhelming experience of the Father’s love.

Receiving a love so unconditional and pure – one that wasn’t tied to my performance in life at all – I bawled my eyes out.

God had set me free – I no longer felt completely bound to my “scholar” identity and became less hard on myself about my results.

I was constantly reminded of Psalm 27:4, and sought to remain fixated on the goodness and greatness of the Lord and seek Him rather than chasing after accolades or results. 

In my last semester before graduation, I struggled with a module that I needed to pass in order to graduate.

I couldn’t understand most of the content. I walked into the paper genuinely confident that I would fail and would need to repeat the semester, which would be a huge financial burden given the fact that my family wasn’t well-off in the first place.

I remember looking at the number on the desk I had sat on during the paper: 0777. The number seven is symbolic of fullness and completion in the Bible; I felt that God was showing me that this season of being tied down to my grades would end, and to let Him work His will.

And so, I was pleasantly surprised when I received a C for that module. That enabled me to graduate with third class honours. It wasn’t the best, especially in the industry that I was looking to join, but I trusted that God would provide. 

I had gone for a short-term mission trip to Chiang Mai around a year prior and was able to encounter and experience God’s love for His people there. That trip was what convicted me that God had a higher calling and purpose for me beyond just finding the “perfect job” upon graduation.

Upon God’s nudging, I promised God that I would dedicate a year of my life post-graduation to missions. Feeling that God was calling me to India, I attended YWAM’s mission training school there, where I was able to hear from missionaries and prepare myself for long-term missions.

I felt so strongly that God was calling me to missions, but I still felt anxious and hesitant about my aged father and our finances in the week before I was to leave.

That was why I asked God for His blessing to back out of missions. Surprisingly, I felt God tell me: “You can.”

That really showed me the perfect and unconditional love of God; He is a God who understands my circumstance and loves me even when I fail to live up to His will.

This same love of God compelled me to continue on with this mission trip, and I chose to depend on the Holy Spirit to sustain me throughout my time in India. 

When I came home from the mission trip, I had to face the reality that my subpar university results meant that it would be difficult to find a well-paying and good job.

As I wanted to be a positive influence to young people and encourage them not to tie their self-worth to their results, I applied for a teaching position at an independent school.

By God’s grace, the principal who received my application didn’t just look at my grades. He was impressed that I went on a mission trip to India, and ended up hiring me.

Again, I was reminded that success in life is truly not dependent on grades alone!

Imperfect life, perfect God 

Through the years, I had a burden on my heart from God to pray for my father’s salvation daily.

My father had been a gangster in the past, and he worshipped many other gods. I held onto God’s promise in Acts 16:31 and saw my older brother come to Christ through his then-colleague around the same period, which encouraged me.  

Eventually, my father encountered God powerfully when I brought him to church. He told me, “Your God is more powerful than all the gods I have worshipped for 40 years.” 

God did the work of transformation in my dad’s life. He gave up many years of addiction to alcohol, gambling and swearing. God restored peace and love and wholeness in my family, despite the strife, dysfunction and tragedies that had happened to us.

Even when I had almost given up on marriage and romantic love due to my upbringing in a broken family, God proved to be a Redeemer.

He has given me a family of my own with my wife Joy, who I met while co-leading a mission trip to Vietnam. We have two young boys, Elijah and Enoch.

Today, I am a counsellor for many young people facing brokenness in their lives. The very areas in which I was broken – have became a source of healing and redemption for others. 

In God’s hands, even the things that have broken us can be used by Him to make us whole again.

There are no perfect families and no perfect people, but we do have a perfect God. In God’s hands, even the things that have broken us can be used by Him to make us whole again.

If I could go back in time, I would tell my younger self that it is okay to be less than perfect, and that there is no need to worry.

Don’t let your results determine your self-worth, because you are more than just your studies. Your identity is found in Christ, and God has a wonderful plan for you!