Ever since I was a 6-month-old, I’ve suffered from global gastrointestinal dysmotility, a condition where the muscles in the digestive tract fail to contract and relax properly.

Between the ages of 13 to 16, this condition worsened, leading me to experience recurrent intestinal obstructions that caused me to be bedridden for weeks at a time.

Life soon became limited to two places – home and the hospital. 

Zi Ting and her pet dog, taken in a time when she was struggling a lot with health.

While I come from a family of non-believers, my sheer desperation drove me to pray. I asked God, that if He was out there, that He would have mercy on me and take the pain away – even if just for a moment.

However, for years, nothing changed. It felt as though I was speaking to a brick wall. I often asked God, “Why me?” with a weary heart of frustration and anger.

Life was a dark tunnel and I was holding the flickering, dimly lit flashlight of my own strength. All I could see was the darkness of my immediate surroundings, and all I could hear was my own thoughts and unanswered prayers echoing back. 

By 2017, my flashlight had turned off. I started doubting if God was really there. Yet, that’s precisely when He began to reveal Himself to me – through people He placed in my life. 

The end of the tunnel

In a moment when I felt like no one knew my pain, when I was struggling in a really dark space, my mum’s friend made an unexpected visit to my home to pray for me.

She told me these things that really encouraged me:

  • God was right by my side
  • He saw me and knew my pain 
  • God was collecting my tears in His bottle
  • My pain was for a greater purpose that I could not yet see

Later, I learnt something else that stunned me: 22 years ago, she was the very same person who had prayed for my mum’s infertility, with her prayer eventually coming to fruition when my mum conceived me naturally after nine years of infertility.

God had divinely orchestrated her presence in my life, not once but twice. First in my birth, and later in my suffering.

Jesus became Zi Ting’s best friend as she kept talking to Him through the seasons.

Then there was the team of doctors and nurses who encouraged me to take heart in my faith. Their encouragement led me to really seek God. Not in strength but, for the first time, in brokenness and surrender.

I was also blessed with a surgeon who performed a surgery on me for my intestinal dysmotility (which was the first time such a surgery was performed in Singapore).

I had prayed that God would guide the surgeon’s hands and let the surgery go smoothly, and thereafter I had a very real sense of comfort knowing that this surgeon would be guided by God.

What to do when everything goes wrong

Thank God, the procedure went smoothly with great outcomes and I had peace through prayer in ways I couldn’t explain (I was quite an anxious person before knowing God!).

Through it all I felt I was always sheltered in God’s grace. He was always so timely in speaking to me through His people – and that was how I came to believe in Jesus.

Newfound light

And so, I started going to church and also joined a Bible study group. As I learnt more about the Gospel, I also saw glimpses of how God was working in my life along the way, which built my faith. 

This faith became my newfound light in my life – and it was a powerful one. I no longer relied on my own strength, that “dimly lit” flashlight that stopped working on me, but turned to Jesus in all things.

I came to know for myself, that His grace is sufficient for me and His power is made perfect in my weakness.

Zi Ting and her family.

Since coming to God in 2021, I can see how He had answered my prayers all those years ago.

While my prayers have not yet resulted in physical healing, they have led me to salvation in Jesus and strengthened my faith. It was through my suffering that God drew me close, teaching me to lean on Him and trust in His grace.

God doesn’t necessarily take away negative circumstances or adversity from our lives when we pray, but He does promise that all things work together for our good. 

Zi Ting wasn’t in school much in her younger years, and spent a lot more time at home and in the hospital. This was tough for her because that is the age where friendships matter a lot.

Today, I’m not healed yet. In fact, I have had three surgeries since 2021. But I no longer pray only for healing. Instead, I trust in His plan, and believe that He will heal me in time to come.

Until then and even beyond, I wish to serve Him, encouraging others to persevere in faith in difficult times, such that God’s glory may also be revealed to them.

Indeed, as Romans 8:18 puts it, our present sufferings are not comparable to the glory that will be revealed to us.

God doesn’t necessarily take away negative circumstances or adversity from our lives when we pray, but He does promise that all things work together for our good. 

Furthermore, God has revealed to me how my past struggles have uniquely positioned me to serve others.

I’m currently a 4th year medical student in Sydney and I used to think that I needed to attain my medical degree before I could serve God through my medical expertise. Yet I’ve learnt that God can also open doors for me to serve in other ways. 

I’ve been blessed to be the Medicine and Senior Academic Tutor at my Christian College, where I serve by running PhD seminars weekly and supporting medical students through their studies.

When it comes to the PhD seminars, I meet collegians and guest speakers to talk about their academic journeys to understand how purpose and passion have influenced their journeys, and then work on getting them to present that story to college.

Born with three holes in my heart, I’m a “medical anomaly” who was healed by Jesus

And for medical students, I’ve realised that most of them are quite self-sufficient in their studies, so my main role is navigating through difficult clinical situations with them, helping them to build a foundation where healing also goes beyond the physical healing of the body.

As we navigate difficult situations like these, we learn to trust God with our works more as we realise that God is the one who knows where healing is needed, and recognise how we can be used as His vessels to be part of that journey for the patient.

Indeed, the tutoring community in our college is focused on helping students recognise that their vocation is both to honour God and serve the community.

Zi Ting is now a 4th year medical student in Sydney.

Beyond this, I also raise awareness for chronic illness through my social media platform @BeyondDysautonomia. 

I chose that handle as it symbolises the promise of life and hope beyond the “dys” – beyond the brokenness we see through human eyes. 

… only God knows what is on the other side, and His plan, though unseen, is always for our good.

God has even worked through my journey to touch those closest to me. After my grandmother passed away, my mum experienced a relapse of depression.

During that season, our many conversations about God carried her through her pain – and they played a part in her coming to faith last year.

I am thankful that God has both spoken to me and through me to help her grow in her faith. Today, her growth in Christ continues to strengthen and inspire me!

Fighting for the chance of a new heart and lung, but I’m still breathing in grace

While I still ask God, “Why me?” – it is no longer a cry of pain.

Now, it is an exclamation of undeserving gratitude for His love. Once, I sought Him only in desperation, longing for healing. Yet, by His grace, He has given me far more – salvation for my sins and assurance of His goodness, presence and love. 

Remember that tunnel I mentioned? For years, I saw only darkness. But truly, only God knows what is on the other side, and His plan, though unseen, is always for our good.