“A disciple is someone who is leaning back on Jesus, hearing his heartbeat, and from that perspective, looking out into the world.”
—Dave Lomas

It all began with a message by Dave Lomas called “Lean back”. It was based on a passage in John (John 13:21-29), which describes how the disciple “whom Jesus loved” leaned back on Him as they reclined together at the table in fellowship, moments before Jesus was taken away.

According to Lomas, this was a perfect picture of how we can find rest in the Father’s love, the same way Jesus too rested on His Father’s bosom (John 1:18) in perfect submission and trust. And His call to us is the same: To lean in and listen to what He is saying, as well as to lean back and rest in His love.

Do you recognise my voice
The beating of my heart
Let it drown out all the noise
That’s keeping us apart

The image stuck with me for some reason – I simply could not get it out of my mind. I asked myself candidly: Did I really believe that Jesus would love me in such a deep and intimate way? Or was there something about the love of God that I haven’t quite understood?

“Lean in, lean back. Rest on His chest, He’s okay with that.” I wrote down the words that had surfaced in my mind and left it sitting in my collection of other virtual notes.

A couple of weeks later, I was invited to a songwriting session with Awaken Generation, where we were asked to prepare song ideas to share. As the day drew closer, I revisited my notes and these same words came back to me.

In a moment of inspiration, a melody came to mind, and I quickly recorded it down as a voice memo whilst penning the lines.

Lean in, lean back
Rest your head on my chest
I’m okay with that
Lean in, lean back
My love is wider than the ocean
Are you ready for that?

Still, even after writing it down, the words and language I used to express God’s love for us seemed so unconventional and alien – could I really believe this? Was I being too radical or worse, heretical with my thoughts about God?

I mean, who would imagine Jesus saying something like: “I’m ok with that?” or “Are you ready for that?” I wasn’t sure. But if nothing else, I would at least have something to share at the songwriting session, if I were asked.

Well somehow, I ended up sharing that little chorus and was encouraged to develop it further. But I was stuck – what else could I say? I could barely comprehend “how deep the Father’s love for us”. What exactly is God’s heart for His children and how would I express His desire to love us so intimately?

These thoughts continued to permeate my mind as I drove home from the songwriting session. But by then, I was simply looking forward to being home to see my wife and little one, Zoey, who was barely a month-old then.

I arrived home to a sleeping wife and baby, and quietly carried little Zoey out from the cot, wanting to wind down from the day together. I enjoyed just being with her. As I sat down on the sofa to adjust myself, Zoey squirmed a little and I propped her up, resting her head on my chest. She snuggled up and quickly fell back to sleep.

And then, it clicked. The moment could not have been more divinely orchestrated – I was receiving a picture from God Himself. He delighted in me resting on His chest. In the same way I was enjoying Zoey even though she was doing nothing but resting, He truly desired and loved to carry me tenderly. Where else did I get such fathering instincts from?

Immediately, like a download from Heaven, words and images started to surface in my mind and I understood fully what the Father had been trying to show me all along.

Is it hard for you to speak?
Is it hard to lift your head?
I am gentle with the weak
Let me carry you instead

He wants us close to His chest because that is where we will hear Him the clearest – it is where we will hear what is on His heart and begin to recognise with greater familiarity the sweet cadence of His voice resonating throughout every part of us.

And we must learn to trust Him enough, that when we rely and rest on Him so unreservedly and fully, He does not reject us. Just like Zoey and me. If I, a human, broken, sinful father can love my daughter in such a way, how much more my heavenly Father, from whom all fatherly-intuition comes from?

Listen, seek
Breathe in, deep

I began to think about how I would want my children to grow up knowing me – I would want to them to know their father’s voice. I would want them grow in trust of my goodness and love towards them, truly believing that whatever the situation, they can be confident that I speak into their lives only from a place of deep love.

While this process begins with recognising my voice (literally), it matures into an ability to recognise the heart behind that voice, to the point where it has the ability to “drown out” all the noise, discouragements and lies of the world.

Isn’t that what our Lord desires for us too? (John 10:27-28)

As I began to gently lift up Zoey’s head and adjust her to make her rest more comfortable, I cradled her little head gently, remembering how fragile it was and how dependent she was on me to care for her, to respond to her cries for attention.

My love is more than enough, child
More than enough for you

Is this how the Father sees me, too? How vulnerable and broken we must seem to be Father! That in our moments of weakness and desperation, God tells us that all we need to do is cry out for Him in “wordless groans” (Romans 8:26-27), and that the Spirit of God intercedes for us – He hears, He knows, and He understands our deepest yearnings and needs.

And as those revelations came, I penned down every thought and allowed the Father to take me on a journey of recovering the language of love between a Heavenly Father and His children, a language that has become foreign to so many of us.

Lay down your burdens
And I’ll give you rest
Lay down your weapons
Lay down your weapons

Perhaps this image of deep intimacy is something that many of us dare not even imagine. Could we really imagine ourselves reclining next to Jesus at the dinner table, lying on his chest? Some of us don’t even do that with our friends or loved ones.

Lean back on Jesus’ chest? Are you sure? Aren’t we supposed to bow down before Him?

It is something we must hold in tension – God is the Almighty One, the One who shielded Moses and hid him so that Moses would not be consumed by His glory; and yet also expressed perfectly in our Lord Jesus – the very representation of God, dwelling amongst us in human form.

He is a God who reclines with us at the table and invites us to rest on His bosom in an act of crazy, radical intimacy. Who dwells within us in Spirit, one with us in our suffering, that we may share in His glory (Romans 8:17).

This is exactly what Jesus did during His time on earth. This was how He lived out His relationship with His Abba. With His ears always close to His Father’s heart, He was only ever interested in doing what He saw the Father doing (John 5:19).

Jesus understood what God truly cared about. He knew who He was, that He was loved, and that His Father delighted fully in Him (Matthew 3:17). And He invites us all to do the same – to lean in, lean back, and trust that the Father is always okay with that.

“Lean In” is a song from Awaken Generation‘s latest album, “Our Light Has Come”, which has been released on October 24, 2018, on all major music platforms.