During my university years, I was a member of a cell group which had five members who have autism, Asperger’s, bi-polar disorder and schizophrenia, alongside some other neurotypical members.

I am now leading a cell group which has a member with special needs. So, that’s been my experience with cell group — not exactly very easy to navigate when it comes to emotions and behaviours most people don’t see every day. 

I thank God for this journey however, because I have learned a lot when it comes to relating to friends who don’t quite think like the average person. I have also found out what really helps in leading and being part of such a group, and that’s what I’ll share below. 

Managing cell group dynamics

Each one of these members is going to be different, and you will need to take note of their habits and behaviours. You should expect that there will be ways in which they will not behave like neurotypical members.

These can include things like interrupting others while they are sharing something, repeatedly talking about a topic others may not share an interest in, or texting inappropriate things. Of course, there are more behaviours — but these are some that I’ve personally encountered. 

What we can do here is to gently help them understand how their actions may not be appropriate, and be firm if necessary.

However, we must also be sensitive to how our friends receive feedback. For some, a logical explanation would suffice. However, for another member who is more emotionally sensitive or a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), it would be better to slowly and subtly correct the behaviour over time.

That said, if the member has a history of serious dysfunctional behaviour such as (but not limited to) violent behaviour, stalking or sexually inappropriate behaviours, it will be important to assess the stability of the member before he or she enters the group.

If it cannot be resolved, the person may not be able to be placed in a cell group for both their safety and the other members’.

In such cases, a larger ministry setting where trained or prepared individuals are present may be more conducive for their spiritual journey.

If that does happen to be the best way forward, then do note that these friends should by no means be avoided or ostracised.

Go ahead to befriend and minister to them at service or over a meal. Just be wise about boundaries. For instance, if you hang out, don’t do so alone. It also helps to make sure there are two or more people especially if your friend is of the opposite gender.

Keep up the fellowship by being a blessing and sharing their burdens where possible. You can ask them about how life is going, especially if they are on certain medications (this can be very challenging for them too).

A sincere conversation or a prayer from the heart is a greater blessing than we often think it is.

Managing neurotypical members

The biggest struggle I faced is managing the dynamics of the cell group when you have neurotypical and neurodivergent members.

In an ideal world, everyone accepts everyone unconditionally. But in reality (and just for example) not every neurotypical member will be fully able to accept interacting with an autistic person every week at cell group, even if they are high-functioning.

Much patience and understanding are required on both sides, and that will sometimes be something that’s beyond certain members in that season.

… the same Holy Spirit in a neurotypical person is the same Holy Spirit who’s in a neurodivergent person.

As leaders, we encourage and counsel members to love, be patient and share kindness, but there may come a point where you have to give certain members the grace to step away.

Indeed, part of leading a cell group means sometimes — prayerfully and with the blessing of our church — releasing our members into another group where their needs can be met.

We have to approach such transitions and conversations with compassion and grace, and not fault or resent anyone for “abandoning” the group. We also have to address any guilt that the member may have for wanting to leave, and minister to them.

We also have to make sure neurotypical members are fed spiritually.

For instance, there may be some weeks when you don’t get to finish a Word study because you have to hold space to serve another member.

You may have to consider meeting those who desire more feeding in an additional context outside of cell group to mentor them.

Maintain unity

Get rid of the seeds of judgement, stigma, disunity and prejudice as much as you can.

As a cell leader, we can’t control how our neurotypical and neurodivergent members may feel or react to situations.

But we need to address underlying or unspoken issues that may lead to silent rifts which would damage the dynamics of the group in the long run.

So, encourage honest conversations during your one-on-one mentoring sessions so each member can share what they truly feel about being in the cell group. 

Make sure to reinforce the truth that every member is made in God’s image. For all our differing personalities, quirks and traits, we can have unity in Christ.

Indeed, the same Holy Spirit in a neurotypical person is the same Holy Spirit who’s in a neurodivergent person.

we need to address underlying or unspoken issues that may lead to silent rifts which would damage the dynamics of the group in the long run.

Also, another thing I’ve learnt is that my friends with special needs do reach out to their own friends with special needs and often ask my church for help with evangelising or praying for them.

We must remember that they are shining God’s light in their own way. They also do look out for each other in church. We need to come together as one Body to help neurodivergent believers serve God in their own unique ways too.

Seek help

It is easy to burnout as a cell leader, having to juggle all of these dynamics. I have been there. So, don’t be afraid to speak out if you need help. Don’t keep your struggles to yourself. Ask your church for help. 

You can even be open and share it with the other members in the group (sensibly, of course) for the purpose of receiving help and moving forward together as one.

Cell group would become a more effective place if all the members fully understand the context they share and have the same vision and mind of making this cell group work despite the big differences.

Look to raise up core members who can assist the leaders in running the cell group. And rely on God every step of the way because leading is not something we can do out of our own strength!