“I felt unloved, unwanted and unimportant.” That’s how Ashley Tan summed up the internal struggle she faced growing up as an adopted person. Now 20, Ashley was adopted as an infant in Batam through an international adoption process.

Ever since she was young, Ashley’s adoptive mother would gently let her into the details of her adoption journey through open conversations and age-appropriate language.

Despite the unwavering love and support from her adoptive family, however, Ashley would come to grapple with long-standing questions about her identity and self-worth from a very young age.

The central question she struggled with was why she had been put up for adoption, leading her to wonder if it was simply because she wasn’t “good enough”. 

“What if I get abandoned again?”

Ashley recalled, “I had very different worries from my primary school classmates. I would have a lot of irrational fears.”

For instance, during school camps, Ashley would often fear that her adoptive mother might abandon her, just as her birth mother had. 

“At the end of camp, I was so scared that nobody was going to pick me up and that I was going to be left behind,” said Ashley. “School camps were a terrible thing for me, it was really hard to get through them.” 

These fears, though not grounded in reality, were deeply rooted in the trauma of her early years. Unanswered questions about her past, such as why her birth mother had left her, created a persistent sense of insecurity about her safety and belonging. 

The weight of these unresolved emotions became unbearable at times, taking a toll on her mental health. “I wanted to take my own life. It was just so overwhelming.”

I am loved, wanted and important

The turning point in Ashley’s life only came when her adoptive mother introduced her to Elaine, the founder of Good Pathways, a mental health provider specialising in family therapy. 

Elaine’s background as both a professional therapist and an adoptive mother herself created a sense of understanding and trust between them, opening a door for Ashley to navigate her complex feelings in a safe space. 

Through her conversations with Elaine, Ashley was pointed back to Christ, and she began to seek God with renewed intentionality and purpose. 

“I started reading the Bible more and drew closer to God amidst my struggles,” she shared. “Through the mess, I started to see God’s sovereignty.”

Ashley shared that this was how she found the opportunity to know Christ more deeply.

“It led me to feel loved, wanted and important,” she said. “I now know that my identity is in Him and that I am a child of God. That settled a bulk of the questions I had.

“I don’t need to know who my biological parents are because I know who I truly belong to!” 

“For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love, he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, by his pleasure and will.” (Ephesians 1:4-6)

Ashley shared that she cherishes this verse in Ephesians 1:4-6 which serves as a powerful reminder of her identity in Christ. 

The knowledge that she has been adopted into God’s family, frees her from the need to seek empty validation elsewhere.

Ashley also finds comfort in Psalms 139:13-14 which reads: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

These verses remind her that the Almighty God who created the universe was intimately involved in her formation and that He intricately designed every aspect of who she is. 

Let’s Talk Adoption 

Recognising the gaps in support for individuals navigating life after adoption, Ashley felt compelled to take action. “Something had to be done; something had to be started,” she said. “More conversations about post-adoption needed to happen.” 

This newfound conviction sparked Ashley’s idea to start an initiative called Let’s Talk Adoption (LTA). The goal is to encourage open discussions around the unique challenges faced by adoptees, such as navigating their identities, the impacts of cultural differences, and emotional complexities. 

Through an informal collaboration with Good Pathways, Ashley launched LTA in 2021 by hosting their first online workshop.

The initiative quickly evolved, leading to in-person meetups in 2022 where Ashley and Elaine had the opportunity to share their personal stories. This exchange of narratives provided a safe space for adoptees and adoptive parents to openly express their feelings, share their experiences, and journey with one another. 

As she looks to the near future, Ashley plans to host more events through her initiative, to provide ongoing support for those navigating their post-adoption journeys. 

How can the church be involved? 

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” (James 1:27) 

November 10 marks Orphan Sunday. Many Christian communities globally observe this day to raise awareness regarding the needs of orphaned and vulnerable children. 

Ahead of Orphan Sunday, Ashley has prepared a devotional as part of a campaign organised by World Without Orphans-Southeast Asia (WWO-SEA) and Home for Good, Singapore (HFG-SG). 

WWO-SEA is part of a global Christian movement advocating for family-based care, while HFG-SG is a registered charity supporting a network of foster parents, adoptive parents and volunteers dedicated to helping vulnerable children, youth and families from all backgrounds.

The Orphan Sunday campaign will introduce new initiatives, feature a worship and prayer night, and host roundtable sessions for churches and mission organisations.

There remains much we can do as a church to support little children like these. 

Just as Christ demonstrated great compassion for the vulnerable, we too are called to extend our love and care towards them. His ministry was not centred around the ones who were well, but to those who were broken so that He could bring them healing and restoration.

We are invited to follow His example, embracing the call to care for those in need.

Click here for a copy of the 13-day devotionals, or if you want to access more information about the Orphan Sunday campaign! 

If you want to learn more about adoption and fostering, or how you can support this community, click here. Otherwise, if you would like to receive the latest updates about Ashley’s initiative, Let’s Talk Adoption, click here.