God sent His one and only son, Jesus, to die on the Cross for all our sins. None of us could ever do anything to deserve such a gesture from Him. But God demonstrated His love ever so extravagantly.

Why would God do that for a small fry like me?

I know I don’t deserve any of His love. It doesn’t make sense, and I don’t think it will for as long as I live. I feel so undeserving.

And that’s when I pull away from Him.

Imagine you’re at some camp, you’re just done with the outdoor games, and you’re absolutely filthy, covered in mud, dripping with water. All you’re thinking of is finding a toilet to wash up, when suddenly a friend invites you over to his place.

It’s a posh bungalow, the most magnificent you’ve ever seen. The floor is clean white marble and the house is as grand as a castle.

Would you step in?

I wouldn’t. I’d feel too embarrassed to step into the house. With every step, I’d dirty the place and leave my filthy footprints trailing behind me. I’d rather stay outside the house and peep in. Never would I want to make anything so white and clean dirty because of me.

So that’s me. I stand outside God’s house, peeping in as I am drenched in the filth of my sins. Despite God’s invitation, I refuse to enter His house, out of fear that I’d dirty His house.

Being a Christian is not an easy affair. I’ll never be able to be as holy as Jesus. I’ll lose my temper at my parents. I’ll sin even if I don’t want to. I’ll fall short of God’s standards. I’ll tarnish God’s reputation.

I can’t enter God’s house because I don’t deserve to enter it, my mind reasons to itself. I haven’t done anything as noble as the 12 disciples, or anyone in the Bible. I’m just a lay person struggling with my insignificant matters. I am of no use to God. I will never be clean enough to enter His house.

The cycle only gets worse and worse. The more I separate myself from God, the more I think that God doesn’t care about me anymore.

And so, as God stretches out His hand, I pull back. I create a barrier between myself and Him. I distance myself from Him, meaning I deprive myself of God’s presence. What I’m not worthy of, I wouldn’t even dream of approaching.

The cycle only gets worse and worse. The more I separate myself from God, the more I think that God doesn’t care about me anymore. The more I turn away from Him, the more I believe that He isn’t there for me, that He has forsaken me. The more I shut Him out, the more I think that He doesn’t want to speak to me anymore.

The more I run from God, the more I believe that God, too, thinks I am indeed unworthy to be His child.

The truth is that none of us will ever truly be able to comprehend the full measure of God’s extravagant love. What we understand of God, we can only because He reveals Himself to us.

We will never deserve Him and all that He is doing for us. We can never match up to what God has already given, much less out-give Him – He’ll out-give us every single time.

How undeserving I am to have such a good Father!

This is the why God is the God of grace: We will never deserve the gift of God’s love. And neither is this a gift I can ever hope to repay in terms of giving something of equal worth.

The way He pursued and showed His love – that’s the greatest love story I will ever know. All I need to do is to receive Him with open arms, and let Him into my heart. When that happens, I posture myself to align my heart with His.

No more pulling away. No more allowing unworthiness to build a wall between us. He’s here and inviting me in because I am filthy rags, needing to be scrubbed clean.