Dear God,

It has been just over a year since I began my search for a full-time job.

The process did not go as smoothly as I had hoped – the number of interviews that I have gone for can be counted on the fingers of one hand.

Yet God, You are faithful even when I am faithless.

In that season of searching, You did not leave me without provision. You opened doors to a whole range of freelance opportunities. All my major jobs came by word-of-mouth from friends. None of them could have known that these offers would eventually evolve into long-term assignments that would sustain me in the months to come.

Once, I was nearing the end of a month-long contract and dreading my imminent return to potential dry spells in my income. Just before I was due to leave, a contact from a previous engagement got in touch with me, asking if I was able to come back to work.

I was so thankful and relieved. I would not have been able to handle both jobs at the same time. This perfect timing pointed me to You – You knew just when to give me exactly what I needed.

I often hoped that some of these companies would be able to offer me full-time employment.

Unfortunately, it never worked out. Despite my best “Please hire me!” behaviour, administrative or logistic issues always cropped up. The department I was hoping to join didn’t have a large enough headcount. Or there wasn’t enough work to justify conversion into a full-time role.

I was disappointed. Was it wrong to strive towards a stable, full-time job?

But these months of freelancing taught me so much about You. More importantly, I learnt how to depend on and find my worth in You.

One time, I went on a silent walk in a park, and I asked You: Should I embrace freelancing as a full-time career?

While walking, I was thinking about the word “desolate”, as mentioned in the story of Jesus feeding the 5,000 (Mark 6:30-44). His disciples did not think that it was possible to find food in that desolate place, suggesting that the people be sent to villages where they could procure food.

As I walked I looked off the path and saw a tangle of trees, branches, roots. Greenery growing together in some sort of chaotic harmony. I thought to myself: No human gardener could possibly contort their bodies to get in there just to keep the garden well-groomed. It was not beautiful by human standards. But it was flourishing.

It was You, the Good Gardener, lovingly keeping Your creation alive. Just like Jesus surpassing human expectations and providing for thousands of hungry people even in a place that seemed remote.

Freelancing felt like that – a landscape that was both desolate and alive. With Your reassurance, I stopped looking for a full-time job and began introducing myself as a full-time freelance writer.

I thought this would be it – choosing to freelance would become a stepping stone for me to talk about Your provision and faithfulness amidst a status and money-driven world. But there was more to come; this was not the end of Your hand in my working life.

It had slipped my mind by then, but back in April 2017 during my search for full-time employment, I had written to Alpha Singapore. I’d attended Alpha as a new believer and upon discovering that there was a local office, I sent an email enquiring if there were any positions open. I thought it would’ve been perfect to have a job that allowed me to write about God.

They never got back to me, so I figured it just meant they didn’t have anything available at the moment, which was the norm for most companies.

But in November that year, while I was officially freelancing, I suddenly received a reply from them. They hadn’t dismissed my application seven months ago – my email had simply slipped through the cracks by accident! They didn’t have any full-time positions, but they offered me an internship. I accepted.

God, You knew just when they needed to find my email and when to send them my way. It all happened during one of the lowest points of my walk with You, when I questioned Your goodness in the midst of heartbreak and personal trial.

Serving in Alpha brought so much joy into my work life – I truly enjoyed the work I was tasked to do, the warm environment and the fellowship with my wonderful colleagues.

This new beginning was the turning point of what had been a tumultuous year.

My internship was scheduled to end in March 2018. Though I had already known from the start that they didn’t have room for another full-time staff, I really didn’t want it to end – working in Alpha just felt right.

By Your grace, You didn’t let my time here end so quickly.

In February, the doors opened for me to join the team as a full-time staff. By March, I’d signed my Letter of Appointment.

God, when I look back from November last year, I realise that everything fell right into place. Alpha almost didn’t find me, but You made sure they did.

Thank You. Thank You for this opportunity to serve You and be excited about my work at the same time – it feels like a dream come true.

I am writing this because I want to remember and praise You always for Your goodness. In times of doubt, I will look back on this and know that You are in control. I may be a ship in the midst of a storm but I can look to You always, the Anchor of my faith.

With all my love,
Ynex