Landing a job as a fresh graduate is challenging enough, but coupled with my “inferior” private university degree and lack of internship experience, I felt like I was up against Goliath.

Facing a steady stream of rejections, self-doubt had never been stronger in my entire life. And I’m not alone. I have a church friend who has also been worried about leaving university and going out into the workforce.

So, if sharing about my painful job-search journey can provide some comfort to others out there like her, I’ll give it a shot.

Here are three ways God has worked in my life through this worrisome post-graduation period.

1. GOD COMFORTED ME IN MY PAIN

Rejections can be painful and bewildering. They can even tempt us to blame God.

During my first interview for a marketing position, the hirers praised me continuously and told me that they would contact me regarding when my first day would be. 

However, for the next few days, they remained uncontactable. I was shocked to find out later that they were only keen to have me come down for a second interview.

Worry began to plague my heart as I told God I couldn’t handle another “almost”. 

At the second interview, I was devastated to realise that it was my declaration of my mental health condition (anorexia) that blew my chances of being employed there.

“Although you’re the candidate with the greatest potential, you come with the greatest cost too… Some people may think that we are mistreating the staff,” they told me.

I knew that my condition could potentially limit my job prospects, but having to face it was a completely different thing.

As I sat in the train home, crying to God, He instantly blessed me with a lovely Malay uncle who offered me a pack of tissues and told off two other guys sitting opposite who were sniggering.

Before we alighted, he even asked the lady beside me to ensure I was okay and that the two guys didn’t disturb me.

Indeed, God saw my sorrow and sent guardians my way to comfort me.

2. GOD GOT ME THROUGH MY MOST DIFFICULT MOMENTS 

As I was unable to find a full-time job without any proper working experience in communications, I interned in a PR agency for six months right after my graduation in July 2019.

The main stressor for me was dealing with clients who had high expectations. I was pressured to be on my A game 24/7.

I was expected not to make the same mistake twice because the subsequent ones were deemed as evidence that there was “something wrong” with my brain.

But as this was my first internship and foray into the corporate world… I made many mistakes.

Because of the intense and toxic climate… I had urges to self-harm during three major occasions. 

Because my boss was also incredibly intense, there were numerous occasions when I had panic attacks. I thought that there was no way I could go on.

I couldn’t handle the fear and paranoia of what else I could be scolded for. My ideas were put down and I was frequently lectured.

I felt like I had to constantly walk on eggshells and be incredibly well-prepared before daring to approach my supervisors.  

Because of the intense and toxic climate that crushed my spirits repeatedly, I felt I ought to punish myself for being as inadequate, hopeless and horrible as my supervisors were making me feel.

As such, I had urges to self-harm during three major occasions. 

The first was when I failed to update my boss on something in relation to the media staff covering our event.

She yelled at me in her car relentlessly for making her look like a fool. She chased me for a reason as to why I messed up and because she was not accepting any response I could generate, I said timidly: “I guess my mind went blank and didn’t process all the information and act accordingly.”

She glared at me and shouted: “What do you mean your mind went blank! There’s no such thing! You always say, ‘Oh, I’ve got a panic attack.’ Seriously, the only one who feels sorry for you is yourself! Stop using it as an excuse! You decide now if you can continue and apologise to the press with me, or if I should drop you off on the side of the road now and clean up the mess you’ve created.” 

Then there was the other time I addressed an online publication wrongly in an email while mass-pitching a story. The owner of that publication screenshotted my email and publicly shamed me on his Facebook page where his thousands of followers joined in to mock me as well. 

The final straw was when my boss told me that the mistake I made then was so fundamental, that if I made this error anywhere else, no one would hire me. 

Although I learned plenty of valuable lessons from my six-month internship, the period was fraught with difficulties.

But my heart is full of gratitude for God who saw me through every panic attack, every time I isolated myself in the public restroom and every scolding that was thrown my way.

He gave me the strength to refrain from succumbing to self-harm when every cell in my body was crying out to give in to the urge. He gave me the tenacity to stand up and try again after every mistake I made.

He emboldened my timid spirit to survive numerous anxiety-provoking company lunches.

He has left me astounded on numerous occasions even when I thought, “There’s no way I can get through this.”

In the two days before a big event that I was involved in, I thought that there was no chance that I’d be able to survive.

But guess what? As I flooded my ears with “Nothing Is Impossible“, God energised me with enough focus and professionalism to come out on top during the crunch time.

My boss commended me at the end of the project for doing a great job despite the challenges earlier. The clients and media staff I hosted got along well too.

When your heart quakes with fear of the unknown or self-doubt wreaks havoc on your psyche, remember this: if God is for us, who can stand against us?

He has left me astounded on numerous occasions even when I thought, “There’s no way I can get through this”. When we are weak, He is strong.

3. GOD WILL COME THROUGH FOR YOU – JUST WAIT 

Towards the end of my internship, I grew anxious about my next steps.

Although there was some discussion about me being welcome to stay on with this company, I was unsure if I’d be able to cope, working there in the long term.

But I was also worried that if I turned down the offer, I would have just shot myself in the foot by ending up unemployed again.

I was enveloped in a whir of indecision because I did not know what was the best move to make for my welfare and career. 

I was recently scolded pretty badly at my internship, and had all the confidence drained out of me, when an interview opportunity came up.

I was daunted by the prospect of it, and felt trapped in the devil’s lies that I was not strong or capable enough to survive the working world.

So I cried out to God while doing the laundry that weekend. I begged him aloud: “God, please. I really need a win. I really need one, please.”  

Somehow, God miraculously ripped off my self-defeatist attitude and had donned me in an armour of determination by Sunday. I worked tirelessly to prepare for the interview with this new hope. 

Then I went for the interview, and just two hours later, the HR manager called me up and informed me that I had been offered a position at the salary I requested. I was awestruck.

There are no words that can express the thanksgiving I have towards God’s providence.

All my fear and anxiety was wiped away by the grace of God in just one afternoon. There are no words that can express the thanksgiving I have towards God’s providence.

He gifted me with my dream job which I have relished to this day, with the best colleagues you could ever ask for. Through it all, He also enabled me to experience breakthroughs in recovery that I never thought were possible.

It turns out that whenever we wait upon the Lord, you can be sure that He will come through for us.

So, to everyone bummed out over this disheartening job-search process or ruminating about the challenges ahead after you exit university, rest assured that though you may lose many battles, God has already secured your victory.

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord!

This article was first published on Ava’s blog and is republished with permission.