Reading this Thir.st article, I was struck by how much it resonated with my dating journey: the situation doesn’t look good and I’m often in low spirits.

To keep things brief, I have been dabbling with dating apps for over a year which has landed me in a perpetual cycle of expectations, conversations, dates and finally — rejection.

It’s been chaotic and a never-ending rollercoaster of emotions, though it’s also been filled with lessons and growth.

Recently in my life, a date-turned-friend decided to walk away due to certain personal reasons. I found myself grieving the loss of her company as we had shared a close journey together that I truly valued.

In the time that followed, I second-guessed myself constantly as to whether I should have said something better.

Maybe if I withheld constructive feedback, I could have saved the friendship. Thoughts just like that came rushing towards me like a tsunami wave and consumed me for days.

I was torn because I believed God had prompted me to speak to her using my gifts and discernment. I pointed out some blind spots in her life only to find out that doing so would come with repercussions — this friend of mine packed up and left.

I was wounded deeply and I had to spend time speaking to God about it.

Anyway, this article comes along and reminds me: do the next right thing. For me, that means to grieve, mourn and let go.

And that proved to be exceptionally difficult over the week. Eventually, I felt I had to run away and go somewhere in solitude just to seek the Lord.

And so that’s what I did, by heading to Johor Bahru. I relaxed and went to “Instagram-worthy” places like cafes. I also attended a church service and hung out with fellow believers there too!

Nevertheless, I still felt this sense of foreboding. It was a very strange discomfort that didn’t go away.

I was trying to find out why I had that feeling, but at that moment I couldn’t find an answer (it also didn’t help that I had a horrible sleep that night too; I had not been sleeping well for months).

Fast forward to Resurrection Sunday.

I went back to my church, Bethesda Bedok-Tampines Church and worship just hit me. Really hard.

I realised I was still grieving over the loss of my friendships.

As we worshipped, I cried out to the Lord and poured my burdens out before Him.

And at that point, I felt God speak a message of encouragement to me.

I wept. I cried through all five songs. The whole set. That was the first time I actually cried in years.

God was ministering to me.

Right now, I’m calm as I have mostly come to accept the fact that certain people whom I hoped for, connected with, vibed with or invested in have left or are leaving.

I value my friendships and relationships, but I release them to the Lord.

It’s a long, painful and lonely journey. Though I face setbacks as I walk through this seemingly unfruitful season of dating, I am growing and learning afresh what it means to love as God first loved us.

Thank God that He loves me! I feel that He is calling me to share His love in forgiveness and grace to others — to continue loving my neighbours as myself.

I am reminded to remain in community. I am remaining hopeful that with every closed door, God will open another.