No, there is no mistake in the headline. One definition of “prodigal” is to give extravagantly, on a lavish scale.

I think of a God who gave grace lavishly to a young man who felt not undeserving forgiveness, for his rash and foolish acts.

I spent most of my secondary school days in the youth ministry. Like many young men, I first joined church not for God but for the beautiful long-haired girls there.

But over the years, I found my love for God and the church progressively increasing. I made real friends in church, and started to serve, mentoring lower secondary school students.

Everything was smooth-sailing until I was called to move on to the tertiary ministry. After a while there, I decided that I was better than my leaders, in knowledge and charisma. People liked how I talked and presented certain topics.

I started to find faults and flaws in my leaders, showing how imperfect and unfit they were to lead.

Other leaders kept telling me to forgive and support them, but as they continued to fall short of my expectations, I finally had enough. I was sick of being disappointed in my leaders and decided to leave church.

There was nothing anyone could say to convince me to stay. So one day I just decided to leave church quietly. I stopped replying to my leader’s texts and stopped contacting anyone I knew from church. I’m never coming back, I told myself.

I decided that I was better than my leaders, in knowledge and charisma. They kept falling short of my expectations.

Leaving church freed up a lot of my time. I had a lot more time to focus on my studies, which really pulled my grades up, and I got that buzz of satisfaction every time I topped my cohort for almost every module.

And that wasn’t enough for me. I wanted a girlfriend – but not just any girl. She had to meet my criteria of being tall, smart and pretty, and I managed to find one in the end.

Everything was going as how I imagined it would. I thought I’d found contentment.

This lasted for about 10 months, but slowly, I started to have this weird, empty feeling in my heart. I tried to brush it off, but it got to the point where I couldn’t ignore it.

As each day passed, I would get more frustrated, moody and angry. And these emotions took a toll on my life – I started to have frequent quarrels with my then-girlfriend, I had lots of arguments with my family and started to do poorly in school.
Day by day, life kept going downhill.

Eventually my girlfriend couldn’t take my behaviour and how I was treating her, and we decided to break up. I did badly for my final exams and it pulled my total GPA down a lot – dashing my hopes of getting a scholarship. I received a letter from the army informing me that I would be enlisted into the toughest unit, the Commandos.

I was back in church. Deep inside I was glad – I felt like as if I was home again.

Life couldn’t have gotten any uglier. I started to feel lost, terribly lost. I had no idea what I wanted to do in life already. I thought I had it all planned out, a carefree life where everything was in my control.

One day, I was stoning in my room, depressed, and reflecting on the past year and how I had messed up my life so badly. Then I saw, in the corner of my room, my Bible.

And I thought: If only I was back in church. I used to have many friends there, and I have so many fun memories of growing up there. 

But I also thought that they would not welcome me back, and judge me for leaving church in the first place. I contemplated this for a good 2 weeks before I made up my mind to contact one of my friends from the polytechnic ministry.

I joined my friend’s cell group for service the following Saturday. I was surprised by how hospitable and welcoming the cell group members were. And deep inside I was glad – I felt like as if I was home again.

But something still bothered me. As I sat through the service, I felt all the more unworthy of being in the presence of God. I felt an overwhelming shame and guilt. As the pastor closed in prayer, I couldn’t even bring myself to look up.

But during the altar call, I was reminded of the song When God Ran by Philips Craig and Dean, based on the parable of the lost son.

As I played the song through in my mind, I felt a peace and comfort I hadn’t felt in a long time. It was God’s way of telling me: “Welcome home, son.” I experienced a grace that was so tangible that I made my mind, and prayed a prayer of repentance.

Since then, life has never been the same for me. Day by day I’m reminded of the grace that God has given me as I continue to walk closely with Him. My God is a God of second chance and forgiveness.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)