Vincent and I have been married for nearly two years now. We were one of the couples who got married during 2020’s circuit breaker over Zoom.

It still amazes me how it all happened because we met through an event in our church – one which we almost did not attend.

Had that been the case, we would not have possibly met as we had no common friends or ministries and I would never have seen him around in church as it is a very large congregation.

Vincent and I had no prior relationships before we met. We did share about how we liked people in church before, but that had never blossomed nor developed into something more.

IT WAS HARD TO FIND A PARTNER IN CHURCH

I was ready for a relationship as I always wanted to have kids before 30.

I was settled in my job, secure in Christ and was thus okay with not being in a relationship if the time was not yet right.

As a single woman in church, however, I sometimes struggled when I liked someone in church.

As an introverted individual, it was not in my nature to confess to the other party. I always thought that if it was meant to be, as part of God’s best for me, it would happen in His timing.

Only trusted friends knew who I liked. I would keep my feelings with me as a secret forever unless the other party expressed the same interest first.

There were also conversations with fellow female friends that there were generally more women than men in church and hence it may be harder to find someone. I felt that it was true to some extent but continued to entrust this area to prayer.

I first met Vincent in our church’s “East meets West” event in 2017 — laser tag and BBQ at East Coast Park.

On the night before the event, I was having supper with a few of the young adults in our zone after an outreach event.

A sister raised the question of whether this event was a “matchmaking session” and was quite hesitant to go. Though she had signed up, she wanted to withdraw as she felt uncomfortable.

A brother, who was in the organising committee, encouraged us to see things differently and to view it as a networking session as our church had grew considerably in size and it could sometimes be difficult to meet people beyond our region.

While it would be a “bonus” to meet someone interesting, even if no sparks flew after the event, at least we would get to know more people and broaden our social circle.

Hearing that, I felt like this was quite a safe environment to get to know brothers and sisters, and was thus more open to the idea of going to the event. 

LASERS INTO EACH OTHER’S EYES

So, I went not with any expectations of meeting a special someone — but simply because the idea of playing laser tag was novel to me.

Besides, most of my cell group members were going as well (introverted me was comforted by that fact).

I wore a casual outfit that day: Church tee from my campus and beige skorts, complete with my glasses (Vincent would later tell me that he thought I was very young and looked like a student wearing uniform!).

I looked geeky, but well — I was just there for the laser tag and BBQ.

I thoroughly enjoyed the laser tag games but was not really looking forward to the BBQ as it meant that we had to talk to people. I was struggling and mostly stuck to my cell group members.

And then, one of my laser tag groupmates introduced me to Vincent.

See, a laser tag group-mate knew that I was a teacher from our conversations and that I could share some of my teaching experiences with Vincent.

After all, Vincent had wanted to find out more about teaching and being a lecturer.

The first time I saw him, we were standing near a bin at the BBQ pit. We managed to maintain the conversation for a substantial amount of time until we bid farewell that night.

I am very thankful for the church that came alongside us as we journeyed through friendship, courtship and eventually marriage.

I remember having an enjoyable and comfortable conversation with him.

As the night ended, I secretly thought to myself: How great would it be if we could be friends and have more opportunities to talk.

That night, however, he did not ask for my number and we went our separate ways. I was certain I would never hear from him again and that he would fade into the “missed connections” category.

Until two days later when out of the blue, he sent me a friend request on Facebook. I was thrilled. I guessed he still remembered me!

When we finally met up in person, he shared his point of view from that night.

After the BBQ, Vincent had shared with some of his cell group members that he was interested in getting to know me more but was unsure of how to proceed.

Even though we belonged to the same church, we did not have much of a chance to meet each other since we were in different groups (east and west).

Thankfully, one of his cell group members found my Facebook account. She told Vincent to add me as a Facebook friend.

I accepted his Facebook request and we began chatting over Facebook. He asked me for my number and we started going out weekly with the blessing of our church mentors!

We updated our church mentors about the progress of our friendship so as to guard our hearts and to protect each other.

We also invited them along for activities so that we could have more opportunities to get to know each other in a group setting, as well as observe how we interacted with others.

Our friends also came with us on a mission trip to Vietnam where we could serve more closely with each other. That was where we noticed each other’s heart for the lost and for God.

I am very thankful for the church that came alongside us as we journeyed through friendship, courtship and eventually marriage.

Often, we may view accountability and boundaries as restrictive but we both felt that it was a great blessing to have trusted leaders, mentors and friends along the process!

It is good to have mentors and leaders to come alongside to journey with you and help you to discern if you are interested in someone.

Especially when it comes to matters of the heart, as we will often be unable to see our blind spots clearly.

SHOULD YOU GO FOR A MINGLERS’ EVENT? 

I am thankful for the East meets West programme and its organisers. Otherwise, I would not met my husband!

I do think that such programmes are relevant for singles who may not have the time to meet new people and it is a great avenue to have fun in a non-threatening environment and have meaningful conversations over bonding activities and food.

For people like me who can be quite afraid to go on my own, having company also helps and reduces awkwardness. At least, I can always go back to my comfort zone when socialising proves to be a little too tiring than expected.

With the COVID pandemic, it might be challenging to have such large scale events but I guess things can always be done online in this new normal creatively!

While such events are a great way to meet people, I believe it is also dependent on how open-minded we are towards them.

The church may organise events but if people are not open to joining, it may not be fruitful as well.

Even though I always hoped that I would meet someone in the same ministry or cell group, I met Vincent through the most unexpected of places.

So, it can help to be open to the idea that God is doing something beyond our expectations. We may need to take the first step to try something courageously.

God may well provide in ways that we do not expect!