Have you cried to the sound of a breaking heart?

I’ve seen too much heartache among my friends. Somehow, more often than not, it’s the female who gets hurt more. I’ve walked alongside too many of them, cried on behalf of too many of them.

Yet, no matter how many heartbreaks they’ve been through, my girlfriends somehow find it in themselves to fall in love again.

I like to think of them as brave. There’s something courageous about their undying belief in love and their willingness to be hurt by love again. And again. And again.

But sometimes I wonder if there will come a time when their hearts are too battered, beyond repair.

Vulnerability is beautiful. It takes real courage to let another person into your heart of hearts, handing him the power to hurt you, yet trusting that he wouldn’t.

But trust constantly misplaced can lead to a wounded and broken heart (Proverbs 13:12). Bit by bit, it gets chipped away and I believe that a heart can only be bruised that many times before it becomes numb.

TAKE STOCK OF YOUR WORTH

My friend once entered an ambiguous relationship with a guy. Against my advice, she poured her heart out to him, only to be hurt by him as he eventually decided to get into a relationship with another girl. Their short-lived fling cumulated to nothing.

I can’t tell you how heartbroken she was, but I can certainly tell you how heartbroken I was.

I was frustrated at my helplessness. I hated to watch her cry. I spent days weeping over her lost love, weeping for her.

But there was nothing I could do; no matter how much I tried to explain to her, my words always fell on deaf ears. She wouldn’t believe me. Wouldn’t believe the guy wasn’t good enough for her. Wouldn’t believe she deserves better than him.

Vulnerability is beautiful. It takes real courage to let another person into your heart of hearts, handing him the power to hurt you, yet trusting that he wouldn’t.

She would only measure her worth by the love she was(n’t) offered by a man. Without that, she felt worthless.

But she wasn’t. Not because of one man’s opinion.

We need to recognise and believe that we are deeply loved by God, by our family, by our friends. If you’re reading this now, I want you to pause and let the truth that you’re loved beyond measure sink in. You are of worth and significance. 

And because we are so precious, we need to learn how to treasure ourselves. This includes being wise with who we hand our hearts over to. 

INSURE YOURSELF

Perhaps the next guy could be the one. Perhaps he will be different. How would you know if you never try letting him into your heart, people ask me.

That was what my friend thought too, until she realised that the hope she was holding on to was one-sided. The guy never intended for a future with her.

Girls, don’t just throw your heart – your precious heart – to anyone.

Love is as strong as death (Song of Solomon 8:6). Love is dangerous as it is beautiful, and it’s a suicide mission if we dive blindly into it every single time.

So … wait. Wait for that guy who can see your value. Wait for him to prove himself. Wait for him to gain your trust. Wait, because you know your worth. Patience is the best insurance for our hearts.

Love is dangerous as it is beautiful, and it’s a suicide mission if we dive blindly into it every single time.

More than being nice – nice guys can unwittingly be heartbreakers too – your potential boyfriend needs to be committed to you as you are to them. Both parties should walk in tandem as a relationship progresses. Giving your heart too early may result in unwarranted hurt.

If he’s only committed to you as a friend, then relate to him as a friend. Only work towards further openness if both sides know and want what you’re getting yourself into.

Until he displays his commitment, guard your heart carefully. You are God’s valued possession, the apple of His eye. He bought you at the expense of the life of His Son, so give yourself only to someone who appreciates you.

Don’t surrender to just any guy who sweeps you off your feet.

RISK MANAGEMENT

I used to be wary of relationships because of the many heartaches I’d witnessed. Love isn’t rational; I couldn’t see why anyone would choose to love, knowing the pain it may bring.

But even as I’ve cried to the sound of hearts breaking, I’ve also cried to the sound of two hearts becoming one – at the marriage altar when a couple recite their “till death do us part” vows to each other.

The promise is built upon so fragile a trust that it’s almost a miracle that anyone would pledge themselves to it.

I suppose, as I sit through wedding after wedding, that the risk is exactly what makes love beautiful. As CS Lewis put it:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal.

“Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.

“But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

Giving away one’s heart is risky and beautiful all at the same time – so save it for the one who deserves it.