Alzheimer’s disease. The disease that robbed me of my Ah ma. The disease which came so subtly and without warning. The disease that changed my Ah ma from the inside out.

For 8 years, my Ah ma suffered from Alzheimer’s disease. I saw her change from a fiercely independent woman who lived by herself, to someone docile and dependent on a full-time caregiver for all her basic needs.

As I saw her deteriorate over the years, I felt that it was unfair. I was angry at God for letting this disease ruin my Ah ma‘s otherwise clean bill of health. I imagined what life would be like if she did not have Alzheimer’s disease.

I experienced a strange loss because while she was still the same physically, she was not how I used to know her. Even while she was still alive, I anticipated grief and cried when I visited her, realising that one day she would eventually succumb to the complications and pass away.

Yet, despite all this, after her death in September 2019, I was still able to reach a point where I was thankful. I was thankful because God could still cause good to come out of something so terrible.

Here are my 3 reasons why.

1. Her salvation

My Ah ma started attending a day care centre two years after she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.

Through God’s orchestration, she was enrolled in a day care centre that was further away from her house but also affiliated to a church.

There she started attending cell group once a week while at the day care, and was exposed to Christian songs and the Bible.

Eventually she accepted Jesus as her personal saviour and publicly declared her faith during her baptism. God softened my Ah ma‘s heart to the gospel.

Though she had spent all her life apart from Him, Jesus transformed her into a child of God. This could only happen by His grace and love for her.

2. I spent more time with her

I wouldn’t consider myself close to my Ah ma growing up. I didn’t have much to say to her during weekly Sunday visits to her house.

But after she had Alzheimer’s disease, I visited her house more often and more intentionally. We went to the beach and to the market together. We went for outings to different attractions in Singapore.

We had conversations about her younger days. I tried to learn Hokkien from her. We spent more quality time together.

I was blessed with the opportunity to get to know her better and make up for the time I didn’t spend with her when I was younger.

And towards the last few years, when she required more assistance in terms of care and mobility, I was thankful I could spend time offering practical help and loving her in a different way.

3. I learnt to appreciate the simple joys in life

I learnt that life isn’t smooth sailing but there are so many things to be thankful for – things which I had often overlooked in the hustle of life.

Through the time spent with my Ah ma, I learnt to slow down and appreciate the simple things in life.

Like the eye contact she gave to acknowledge my presence, her tight hand grips, the “hmm” she would make in response to whatever I just said to her, and all the smiles she gave when she realised that I was looking at her.

There are so many things to be thankful for – things which I had often overlooked in the hustle of life.

I became more aware and appreciative of the senses God has given me. The feeling of the sea breeze on my face, the smell of the sea, the music from her radio, her soft hands.

When she fed herself and the food ended up all over the place, I was thankful that she could engage in the task.

When she wet the bed again right after her diaper was changed, it seemed that she knew what had happened and her laughter would lighten the mood.

I learnt to live in the moment and be thankful regardless of the situation.

Alzheimer’s disease was not something I ever imagined my Ah ma to have. Given the progressive nature of the disease, I never thought that anything good could come out of it.

But God in His sovereignty transformed her life and mine in spite of such a disease. It is as Jeremiah 29:11 tells us: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I rejoice, for now my Ah ma is dancing in heaven with Jesus! And one day I will see her again.