With Mother’s Day coming round the corner, I decided that I would spend some intentional time with my mum.

So we had a heart-to-heart talk, and my mum began to share with me more about her upbringing.

This was of interest to me, because as I grew up, I had heard snippets about how my grandmother had attempted to abort her.

That night, I got the full story. And as we chatted into the wee hours of the morning, it started to dawn on me that my mum has been through so much more than I could ever imagine.

My mum was an unwanted child.

“During my confinement, after giving birth to your younger brother, my mum took leave for 3 days to keep me company,” began my mum. “This was already quite weird because she used to be quite a workaholic and rarely took time off work to spend with me.

“I believe that what she decided to tell me, on the last night of her stay at my place, was part of God’s divine plan. Out of the blue, after managing to keep this to herself for a good 34 years, she broke the news that she had attempted to abort me when I was in her womb.” 

God had saved my mum’s life miraculously. Not once, but twice.

“My dad had told my mum that two kids were enough,” my mum continued. “He even challenged her with this question: ‘Give birth to so many, you like to give birth ah?’ She told me that this upset her so much she decided to get rid of me. 

“But when the doctors carried out the injection procedure to have me aborted, it was an unsuccessful attempt. They told my mum that I was that 1 out of 10 who survived an abortion.

“My mum was bent on aborting me so she actually booked a second appointment. But on the way to the hospital for the second attempt, things weren’t going her way. She told me that she dropped her bus ticket, and all of a sudden it began to rain heavily.

“She didn’t feel peace, so she changed her mind.”

Hearing those words, I realised that God had saved my mum’s life miraculously. Not once, but twice.

“Growing up, I’ve always felt very rejected. I was very bitter, sensitive, petty and inferior. But I didn’t know why,” continued my mum.

“Back in my primary school, I had a classmate – the typical popular kid – who got my class to turn their backs against me. Because of that, my classmates didn’t want to befriend me any longer. I was always an outcast – even back in my kampong.

“Encounters like these left me rather skeptical toward relationships. Since I wasn’t well-received, I didn’t see the point in treating others nicely any longer.” 

As my mum shared that with me, my heart broke for her. But also, something clicked within me. Now I could empathise with her, and why she has always been so afraid to invest in communities. 

I wasn’t listening. I was quick to speak.

For a period of time, my mum struggled to commit to a spiritual community. She had told me that she would rather be a lone ranger in her faith journey because of her countless disappointments, though she would give community another chance when she felt better.

Even though she sounded rather hurt, I was quick to dismiss her thoughts. I wasn’t listening. I was quick to speak and teach her the importance of a spiritual community. 

Thankfully, God never once responded the way that I did. He was the listening ear my mum never had from friendships.

You see, He was pursuing my mum when she was pushing others away.

In 2003, God spoke to my mum through a fellow believer.

“When I was pregnant with your younger brother, my missionary friend felt that the Lord was leading her to come and look for me,” revealed my mum.

“She met me and gave me a book, Secrets of the Vine. As a counsellor herself, she shared that my bitterness and inferiority may have stemmed from a bad childhood.

I’ve always thought that it was just my personality. But what she said made sense: I’m now a new creation in Christ and He has promised complete joy. So there might really be something about my childhood that I don’t know about. 

“This conversation with my friend led me to seek the Lord in prayer. I prayed that God would reveal to me what the root of my rejection was.”

True enough, after my brother was born, my grandmother and my mum had that conversation during her confinement.

“Though God had revealed to me the root of my rejection in 2003, nothing really changed for 14 years,” my mum continued. “Yes, people prayed for me to be delivered, but I didn’t witness much change within myself.”

Release 5 sentences of thanksgiving, 5 sentences of praise and 5 sentences of worship.

My mum then shared that God led her to an importance resource: Caroline Leaf, a Christian neuro-scientist who came up with a “detox prayer” after 10 years of research. 

“The prayer is simple,” my mum explained. “Release 5 sentences of thanksgiving, 5 sentences of praise and 5 sentences of worship.”

“As I prayed this prayer every night, the Lord renewed my mind. Yes, there are times that I still spiral into bitterness and inferiority.

“But by His grace, I now have the tools that equip me to surrender these emotions to Him. Overall, I’d say that I’m now more joyful.” 

Through the conversation with my mum, I was reminded of the bridge of Sovereign over Us:

Even what the enemy means for evil
You turn it for our good
You turn it for our good and for Your glory

Though my grandparents had intended to abort her, the Lord rescued her twice. She’s a miracle baby who lives to tell of God’s sovereignty and grace. 

Honestly, as I am my parents’ first child, I’ll never be able to empathise with my mum’s feelings of rejection. But I’m glad that I chose to have this conversation with my mum because it has enabled me to put myself in her shoes.

The hurts that she’s been through, from feeling like an outcast to learning that her parents attempted to abort her – I’ve truly gained a newfound respect for my mum this Mother’s Day.

So let’s use this Mother’s Day to hold a meaningful conversation with the woman who raised us! You’d be amazed at how much she may have to share with you.