There are days when we feel helpless.

But I felt helpless on a daily basis. I lived all 25 years of my life believing it was easier to carry my own burdens.

Thinking it was easier to struggle alone than to afflict others, I was unhappy for the longest period of my life.

Working in healthcare had taken a great toll on my health.

Working in healthcare had also taken a great toll on my health as I felt that my energy levels were persistently zapped after every shift.

Shift hours were often long, arduous and mentally exhausting to the point that I developed chronic insomnia. I could sleep as late as 3am and be up for work by 5am that same morning for duty.

I was diagnosed with sleep apnea, a condition where I would stop breathing mid-sleep and wake up perspiring and terrified. I was hospitalised for a day and underwent a sleep exam, where I was strapped with wires from head to toe overnight.

Things only spiralled further from that point.

As it grew increasingly difficult to manage the stress in my life, I turned to alcohol.

I would spend nights out drinking three to four times a week. Despite working in healthcare and knowing the harmful effects of alcohol, I continued to stay late out at night, thinking little of the consequences.

Sure, I would go all out to help those in need. I would donate regularly whenever I needed to. I was still reporting to work dutifully – but I was suffering in silence.

I had questions about the world that no human could answer.

It was as if I was living a double life. I was helping the sick and the needy, but deep down, I could tell something was missing in my life. 

I had questions about the world that no human could answer. I needed something bigger, greater. I needed a higher meaning to life.

That was my epiphany, and I decided to go to church after a friend invited me. I did not know what to expect. After all, I knew absolutely nothing about God or the Bible.

After hearing God’s word for the first time, I felt there was a purpose in life that I had yet to fulfil.

While attending church opened my eyes, reading Scripture in my own quiet time opened up my heart. As I read, little by little, God spoke to me.

It was something inexplicable, yet internally real at the same time. I knew then, that the higher meaning that I was longing for was found in Him.

God spoke to my heart at that exact moment when I desperately needed an answer. I needed Him as my compass after searching for so long in life – I needed salvation from Him.

That was when I found God in my life and accepted Him. I then joined a cell and started reading God’s words prudently.

For many years, I struggled with the idea of going into a religion.

Growing up in a free-thinking household, I was unaware of God or His presence. I went to all kinds of religious places and prayed to all kinds of idols and figures thinking that would make my life better.

However, I did not find a divine connection. I was basically praying to a god that I did not believe in.

Earlier I mentioned that I struggled with alcohol. Part of the reason for that was that I wasn’t accountable to anyone for the choices I made. But stepping into Christianity and believing in God changed me entirely.

Especially after reading Genesis 2:16-17: “And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.””

In all of God’s sovereignty and provision, He also gave free will to man. 

We should be aware that free will is God-given – but never abuse it. We should not act callously, impulsively or indecently.

I realised while God is sovereign over everything, He does not control everything. He allows us to act on our own decisions, and gives us this ability to do so – but He will also bring every deed into judgment (Ecclesiastes 12:13-14).

When I realised this, and that God loves me, I understood that He would not want me to persist in such unhealthy ways.

I realised while God is sovereign over everything, He does not control everything.

Since then, I became more conscious of my actions. I stopped drinking entirely, and have maintained complete sobriety this year.

My sleep improved, and I was healthier at work. My struggles significantly grew smaller as I focused on magnifying God in my work.

I was able to find peace by carrying out good acts in His name and living faithfully. I knew that I could not have possibly overcome all of that by myself.

I knew this breakthrough came from God, and that was why I accepted Christ into my life.

After knowing Christ, my whole life began to be transformed.

I understood the power of prayer in my life and the way I prayed completely changed. In the past, I would have prayed only in my time of need.

But I have learnt that that prayer is not mere about “I ask, you give”. It is not just reciting familiar words.

It is about a personal relationship with God.

And that was the missing connection I needed – a relationship, not a religion. And the more I came to know Him, the more gratitude I had in my heart. The more I wanted to praise Him.

Knowing who God is, I no longer gave excuses to self-justify my wrongdoings when it came to sin. I stepped out of my self-debilitating ruts, accepting that we are saved solely by grace from God.

God loves us perfectly. And as I surrender to the Lord and trust in Him every single day, I find the strength to overcome sin and weaknesses as I live my life.