Dear Hurting One,

I thought of you today when I read these lines.

“Kneeling, I’d picked up one of the shards, dragged its sharp edge across my skin, relieved by the red line slowly seeping up, like you could drain yourself out of pain. I’d try to cut my way through the hurt down to the core of things.” – The Broken Way (Ann Voskamp)

Except, the core of things cannot be reached this way.

Sometimes as a pastor, I feel like all the blood drains out of me as I strain to find answers too – to get to the core of things. And I need a fresh infusion of blood and life from the Life-Giver Himself.

Life can feel really messy, chaotic and senseless. When I preach that the Bible calls this “sin”, that’s not some quick fix to explain it all away – there just isn’t a better way to explain it. The small letter ‘i’ in the middle of the word? That’s what each of us are about: me, me, me. 

Sin is a huge thing.

It’s not just breaking a law of God here and there. It’s not just lying, drinking or smoking. Those are the behaviours that come from the sinful core that wants to have its way, often reckless about the cost.

And ‘i’ does indeed wreak havoc huge and daily. I want my version of happiness. I want my vision of home. I want my vexations cleared, quickly.

But other people interfere and spoil it all for me. Parents, teachers, friends. With their words, expectations, friending and unfriending.

• Why does the system expect me to follow their rules?
• Why do my parents fight so much?
• Why can’t I have genuine friends who care for me?
• What happens if I fail?

It’s a lot to deal with. Sometimes, it feels too much and you feel too powerless to change any of it. As an adult, I often feel that too.

You tell me: “Pastor, I have prayed so hard. God has let me down.”

Listen, God has heard your prayer. Look up. This letter you’re reading is a part of His reply. Open your Bible to the Psalms, and see His answer in the many authentic cries recorded there. Or think of the times someone has lifted you up or given you a smile.

You see, I can understand that you want God to swoop in and change things, pronto. This is our version of help. But God’s version is the arduous, ridiculous, unjust trial of His perfect Son under the cover of dark, the long trudge into the city with people jeering and spitting in contempt, long nails being driven into Christ’s hands torturously, the draining of blood and oxygen…

I’ve known this story of Jesus’ death and His resurrection since I was a child, and as a teen I didn’t like how God operated. It was so slow, exposing such darkness of the human soul. I wanted a button to press, an emergency cord to pull, a swift rescue. Just banish the stupid devil!

It has taken me many years to see the power and wisdom of God’s ways, and I’m still learning.

Like me, you have two choices: You can try to figure it out, fix it or fake it – or you can turn your cries upwards, grasp the Love being offered like a wild hungry creature, and consume it everyday in Scripture, song and silence.

Both are journeys of faith. In the first, you place faith in your own sense of justice, hope and happiness. In the latter, you place your faith in a God beyond your comprehension and control.

• Your parents may reconcile or they may not.
• Your grades may rocket or merely improve that bit.
• Your friends may or may not take a more sincere interest in you.

But with the second choice, you will not ebb away. Instead, you will grow up, grow deep, grow strong. And in fact, chances are the future will start to look very different.

God is ever with you.

When you feel that familiar despair hover close, shut the door to it. Take a pen and write your feelings down. Draw a funny picture. Catch up with that reading. Make yourself a smoothie. Take a walk.

Open the door to Light: Text a reliable friend or pastor to lift a prayer for you. Copy out a Bible verse in calligraphy or illustrate it with stick figures. It feels strange to do this at first. But it will feel safer in time, like a home for your weary soul.

God is ever with you. He looks at the blood you let and His heart breaks again, for He made sure any blood that is required has already been shed by His Son.

For you.