When I first wrote this song with our friends in JPCC Worship, it was for our previous album More Than Enough.

The chorus was pretty much set and we loved that chorus. But for some reason, during that songwriting season, the verse didn’t really connect with the whole theme of the More Than Enough album. So we decided to just keep this song aside.

While we were writing again for our latest album – Made Alive – I was diagnosed with a condition in my left inner ear called Meniere’s disease.

It’s a disorder that creates an imbalance between my left inner ear and my right inner ear, and there are three symptoms.

The first is hearing loss: The hearing in my left ear is now down to about 14%. The second is tinnitus – I’ve had a constant ringing in my left ear for almost three years now. And the third is vertigo, I’ve had severe vertigo attacks where everything just keeps spinning.

It was during the time of my diagnosis with Meniere’s disease that I picked up the song again. I rewrote just the first part, and included a bridge at the end: “Where would I be, if not for Your grace that rescued me, my life surrendered to worship You.”

I realised that no matter the situation we’re in, Jesus is still the one who saved us. No matter the situation, no matter what challenges we’re facing – He is still a good and gracious God.

That December, when I first experienced sudden hearing loss syndrome, my left ear suddenly just went kind of dead. And in the first few months, I couldn’t sleep because the tinnitus really bothered me. I still hear a constant and sharp “feedback” noise in my left ear.

And my first initial response to that was to question, “Why? God, why? I’ve been serving You, I’ve been doing this and that.”

Our God is able. He can heal me, but even if He doesn’t, I’m still going to be grateful anyway. I’m still going to worship Him anyway. He is still a good God. I will choose to surrender.

I always tell my team that we are born to worship God with every single part of our being. And whenever I preach or teach, I often say that God could take my voice any time, and I would still worship Him with everything I’ve got.

Now it’s as if He has this sense of humour where He says: “What if I take your ear? What if I take your hearing?”

As a musician, listening with our ears is actually the biggest part of what we do. 70% of being a musician is actually listening and hearing, the other 30% is just playing the instruments.

It’s just like being a vocalist. You can have a perfect pitch, but if you can’t hear the pitch, you will sing terribly.

Now I can’t enjoy music the way I used to. Now I listen in mono instead of stereo, because I can’t hear in both ears.

The song Even If by MercyMe really impacted me. The lyrics in the chorus helped me to realise that my God is able. 

I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

I know that God is God. He’s able to heal me in a second. I just faced this question a lot – and I think it’s an age-old one – “But what if He doesn’t?”

I’ve been to so many healing events, where you see 50 people come up and say “I’m healed, I’m healed”. But I would wonder about the 2000 other people who are still struggling and weren’t healed during that night. Because that’s me now. I’m in that situation.

There are so many testimonies about people being healed, but what happens when you’re the one in the valley?

We surrender not just when things are going good, not only when we’re winning or when we’re healed. We surrender all to Him in the good and the bad times.

There’s a song that we’ve sung since we were kids – I Surrender All.

All simply means all. We surrender not just when things are going good, not only when we’re winning or when we’re healed. We surrender all to Him in the good times and the bad times.

Our God is able. He can heal me, but even if He doesn’t, I’m still going to be grateful anyway. I’m still going to worship Him anyway. He is still a good God. I will choose to surrender.

And if you believe that with all your heart, and go through each day in the knowledge that God is with you, for you and fighting your battles – you could face any challenge.

Whether it’s physical or financial crises, relationship or family issues, know that God is for you and that God is on your side. Even though you may not see the answer to your situation, it doesn’t mean He isn’t working behind the scenes.

That is the mindset I wake up with every day.

My every waking hour is not about when God is going to heal me – it’s about what can I do to surrender myself even more.

Being grown by the Lord is not the result of trying harder, but the result of surrendering more. This is a huge lesson for me. It’s not about trying to be good, trying to be perfect, trying to live a holy life. However hard we try, we will fall short because we are imperfect.

But when we surrender, this is what we say: “Alright God, here I am. I’m not perfect, there are many things that aren’t perfect in my life, but I trust in You. I trust that You know what You are doing, that You are in control, and that You are always good.”

And life just becomes a lot easier to live with.