Last week, CNA reported that those in their 30s comprised the highest number of suicides in Singapore last year.

Called the “sandwich generation”, those in their 30s are caught between their elderly parents and their young children, all while juggling work and their own social lives. Being torn between work and family amidst a growing loneliness can make for an absolute tsunami of stress.

It’s sad, surprising (30 seems so young!) and scary given that my 30s are drawing a little closer now that I’ve just turned 20 — which is why we’ve got to make sense of this in light of the Word of God. 

When work’s not working out

“Daily, I would be screamed at. Weekly, I could expect a fresh new snarky comment to brand myself with… her comments started shaping who I was. I must indeed be quite useless and stupid if I had to be intentionally placed in her shooting gallery every day. The more I tried to be as perfect as I could in the work I delivered, the more I despaired when the result was always the same. This broke my heart.” – Brenda Chen on facing toxic workplaces

For many of us in our 20s, jobs are all about chasing dreams. But many who reach their 30s eventually find that their questions and views about jobs have shifted:

• Is this job stable?
• Can this job provide for my family?
• Can this pay the bills?

And sometimes, even when you do everything “right”, it doesn’t necessarily lead to what you hoped for — whether that’s recognition, reward or rest. And that’s if you’re even fortunate enough to find a job in the first place.

These feelings of futility and disillusionment remind me of Simon Peter who fished all night and caught nothing (Luke 5:5).

Later, Jesus, fully aware of Simon Peter’s recent failures, tells him to let his net down once more and in deep waters (Luke 5:4). Simon Peter obeys, and obtains a net-breaking catch of fish.

Jesus may not have spared Simon Peter from the pain of working through a long and fruitless night – but He also didn’t let the story end there.

Maybe it’s in the deep waters – after long sleepless nights and efforts which seem to go nowhere – where our faith is refined, grace becomes real, and our tests become testimonies for the greater story that God is writing.

When home is hard 

“Overnight, I had to learn how to adult fully. School didn’t teach me how to design a handicap-accessible bathroom or how to operate a wheelchair. There were bills to be paid, doctors to speak to… the list was endless. Often, it feels like everyone else has a life and is moving ahead, while I’ve lost mine and am stuck frozen in time.” – Christina Wong on becoming sole breadwinner and caregiver to her father at 25.

For some, like Christina, weighty responsibilities have suddenly fallen squarely on your shoulders. One day, you’re just figuring out your life, and the next, you’re the breadwinner, caregiver, adult.

When you add on having to simultaneously raise young kids, and the feelings of guilt for not being present enough, everything can quickly feel insurmountable.

In moments like these, it can be tempting to wonder, where is my God now? It can be easy to feel like you’ve been forgotten. 

So even when we feel the world, or even God, has even gone ahead without you – we can know that Jesus hasn’t forgotten us.

I imagine Mary and Martha, Lazarus’s sisters, felt the same way. 

We know Jesus loved their family dearly, yet upon knowing Lazarus was ill, he stayed for two days longer in the place where he was rather than coming to heal him immediately (John 11:4-6). Why would He delay if He really cared? 

And when Jesus finally arrived to Lazarus, who had already been in the tomb for four days, He didn’t rush to fix things. 

First, He just wept (Luke 11:35). While He knew that resurrection was coming, He didn’t skip the suffering. He simply sat with Mary and Martha, and entered their suffering.

This is not a God who forgets. This is a God who remembers.

He promises, “Can a mother forget her infant, be without tenderness for the child of her womb? Even should she forget, I will never forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hand” (Isaiah 49:14-15).

So even when we feel the world, or even God, has even gone ahead without you – we can know that Jesus hasn’t forgotten us.

When no one understands

“The doctor wasn’t very sensitive to my condition and he asked many hard questions bluntly. I left the room feeling so unheard and misunderstood. It almost felt like he was invalidating my experiences — and I wasn’t expecting that from a doctor.” – Dawson Ng‘s negative experience in seeking professional help at 24

Dawson’s experience is one that many might be able to relate to, and highlights why it can be difficult for those seeking help.

Being vulnerable and asking for help is hard enough, but when a mental health professional trivialises your problems, it can really crush your hope. After all, if someone trained to understand you can’t understand you – who can?

You want to get better, but sometimes, the lack of progress makes you feel like you don’t have enough energy to try just once more.

King David certainly echoes these sentiments in the psalms. In Psalm 139:8, he writes,“If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.”

The phrase “make my bed in the depths” sounds like resignation. It’s like saying, “God, I’m not even going to bother to get out today. I’m done, and I’m staying here.”

But even there, deep in the fatigue and resignation, God is present. He doesn’t wait at the surface for us to get our act together. He meets us in the depths, because He wants to be wherever we are. 

Sometimes our healing doesn’t start with answers. Sometimes it starts with the God who’s right there with us.

His hands > my hands

We all like it when our sandwich has more fillings – until there’s too much stuffed inside that the whole thing starts to fall apart. At that point it becomes too much to hold with hands that are far too small.

Amidst the intensity of life’s demands, the hard but honest truth is that sometimes, there are no answers or solutions. But there’s also a promise: with Jesus, we never carry it alone. He sees our burden, and He gently offers to carry it.

Remember, Matthew 11:28-30 tells us: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Friend, if you are tired of carrying everything alone, know this: you don’t have to. You have the strongest hands to carry it with you.

If you’re feeling troubled and would like to chat with someone, help is available at these centres:

• Samaritans of Singapore (SOS): 1-767 (1-SOS) (24-hour) 
• Institute of Mental Health: 6389-2222 (24-hour)
• National Care Hotline: 1800-202-6868
• Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019
• Care Corner Counselling Centre (English and Mandarin): 6353 1180
• TOUCHline (Counselling): 1800-377-2252
• Fei Yue’s Online Counselling Service: ec2.sg
• Tinkle Friend by Singapore Children’s Society: 1800-274-4788 | tinklefriend.sg (online chat)
• Silver Ribbon Singapore: 6385-3714