Growing up, I’ve always felt like I couldn’t fit into the typical idea of how a man should act.

I don’t watch soccer or basketball matches. I don’t really play computer games. And I also don’t watch anime. The most boyish thing I like is probably Marvel superhero movies.

Relating with other guys was also more challenging especially when I was younger. I often felt like they were very different from me because I was more emotional in nature (and it didn’t help that I also couldn’t understand my own emotions very well at that point).

But what I would tell my younger self is this: many of those ideas of masculinity are merely societal norms that we unknowingly buy into.

God actually shows us a different picture of masculinity from His Word, and you might be surprised by how different some of them are from what see in the world — you’ll see what I mean from these five men in the Bible.

1. David: The man after God’s own heart

“After removing Saul, he made David their king. God testified concerning him: ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.’” (Acts 13:22)

From the Bible, we can see that David’s life is far from perfect. His successes were as great as defeating Goliath, but his failures were also as grave as committing adultery with Bathsheba.

While David committed grievous sins like adultery, murder and deceit, what set him apart was his heart of repentance.

When he was confronted by the prophet Nathan (2 Samuel 12), David admitted his sin and sought forgiveness from the Lord (Psalm 51).

David’s heartfelt responses to God show us that masculinity comes hand in hand with being true to our emotions.

In the Psalms, David often freely expresses his joy (Psalm 21), sorrow (Psalm 6) and repentance (Psalm 32).

His life shows us that true masculinity isn’t about being invulnerable, but about being vulnerable before God.

2. Moses: The humble leader

“Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth.” (Numbers 12:3)

Moses is one of the most well-known leaders from the Old Testament. Yet, his leadership wasn’t marked by great charisma or bravado, but by reliance and obedience towards God.

While Moses was chosen by God to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, he wasn’t the most confident right from the beginning. In fact, he doubted himself and even asked God to choose someone else (Exodus 3-4)!

However, it is in Moses’ humility that we see the spirit of true leadership. Real leadership isn’t about boasting in and relying on one’s strengths or abilities, but simply about following God’s leadership in life.

A true leader is someone who relies on God, so that God can be the one to lead His people.

As a man, it is the same thing as we lead our families — we follow God first.

3. Joseph: The forgiving brother

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.” (Genesis 50:20-21)

After what his brothers had done to him (Genesis 37), Joseph had every right to be angry and to want to seek revenge. Even his brothers were afraid that Joseph would hold a grudge against them (Genesis 50:15)!

But despite being betrayed, enslaved and imprisoned, Joseph did not repay his brothers for the wrongs they did to him. Rather, he chose to recognise what God could do through his circumstances and readily forgave his brothers (Genesis 45:4-7).

Joseph shows us that a real man has the strength to forgive.

When we recognise God’s sovereignty in our lives, we can let go of offences and remain steadfast in following His call.

4. Daniel: The courageous witness

“Now Daniel so distinguished himself among the administrators and the satraps by his exceptional qualities that the king planned to set him over the whole kingdom. At this, the administrators and the satraps tried to find grounds for charges against Daniel in his conduct of government affairs, but they were unable to do so. They could find no corruption in him, because he was trustworthy and neither corrupt nor negligent.” (Daniel 6:3-4)

Daniel is the perfect example of a man who stands firm in faith. Even though he was taken captive and made to serve the king in Babylon, he exemplified great courage and faithfulness by not conforming to their culture.

Not only did Daniel choose not to defile himself with royal food and wine (Daniel 1), he also insisted on praying to God even at the cost of being thrown into the lions’ den (Daniel 6).

Daniel demonstrates to us what it means to be a man of faith. Even when his life was at risk, he trusted God and remained devoted to God. His confidence in God allowed him to stand with courage and boldness even in the face of persecution.

We like to think that manliness boils down to courage; Daniel shows us that true courage comes from our confidence in God’s promises. God will indeed look after us as we trust in Him (Daniel 6:23)!

5. Jesus: The perfect Lover

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.” (1 John 3:16)

Jesus. The perfect Man who shows us that true love is marked by self-sacrifice. A real man lays down his life for those he loves.

Ephesians 5:25 tells us that husbands should love their wives like how Christ gave Himself up for His church. And Jesus also commands us in John 15:12-13 to love one another as He has loved us — by laying down His life for us.

Jesus shows us that a true man is one who is willing to lay down his life for those he loves. Indeed, biblical masculinity is characterised by a love for others and a desire to imitate Christ’s love.

The greatest man is one who serves others. As Matthew 23:11 says, “For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

To be biblically masculine, we would often be required to go against societal norms. We will be forced to lay down our own wants and desires.

But before you get stressed out about all these aspects of masculinity that you need to grow in, be clear about who you are doing it for.

Don’t do it because you want to be a good guy to find a girlfriend. Or because you want to be a good leader in church. Or because you want to be a good father to your children in the future.

If these are your sole motivations, you will eventually feel discouraged and give up when you face setbacks or realise that you can never meet a perfect standard.

Do it because God’s will is that you become more like Christ. Do it because you know that God is your Father, and He is walking through this journey with you.