My heart breaks whenever I read news of bullying cases, it is something that seems to be increasingly reported these days.

As someone who’s been on the receiving end of being bullied and ostracised, my heart goes out to anyone who’s gone through or is going through the horrible experience of being bullied.

I was bullied in both kindergarten and secondary school, and I completely empathise and understand how overwhelming it may be at times.

It’s been about five years since I graduated secondary school, and I thank God that He has brought me on a healing journey. As someone who’s been in similar shoes before, here are some practical handles that actually helped me when I was being bullied.

Seek help and trust God

When I was being bullied in school, seeking help seemed like the last resort for me as I was holding on to my pride.

However, after I realised that my well-being was more important than how others saw me, I approached trusted teachers to open up about my situation. I thank God for these teachers as they provided me with a safe space and looked out for me in school.

So, by shining a light on what you are going through, you can allow good people like trusted adults to walk with you, protect you and help you.

You are not weak for asking for help.

Losing all my friends in a single quarrel, the depressive thoughts began

So, while we may be called to bless those who curse us (Luke 6:28) — don’t let others step all over you. Get help, and remember not to hold on to hatred and vengeance.

Indeed, it takes real courage and strength to be the bigger person, turn the other cheek and forgo retaliation.

Through it all, remember that God loves you so much! It breaks His heart that you’re being mistreated by others, but don’t be afraid because God is the One who upholds you (Isaiah 41:10).

Speak to a confidant

My heart was extremely weary when I was getting bullied. It felt as if I couldn’t breathe whenever anxiety had a hold on me.

Thankfully, I had my church mentor to confide in. She uplifted me, she spurred me on, she held space for me and she provided me a shoulder to cry on. She was someone I could confide in and rely on for encouragement through the Word of God.

Carrying the weight of being bullied is extremely heavy, so share your burdens with a friend in the Kingdom who can carry your burdens.

As followers of Jesus, we are called to carry each other’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). I pray that you will have a friend like that who walks with you and holds space for you.

If you know someone who is going through a difficult time, I urge you to be kind to them and check in on them. Sometimes, a simple “are you really okay?” can make all the difference.

Spend time with God

Though the first two points are important, I would say that this is the most important one.

Spending time with God didn’t just save me from the pit of self-doubt and sorrow. My time alone with God revealed to me that my real identity is His beloved daughter. It was what restored my soul.

The only Friend who would never disappoint is Jesus. His shoulder is always there for you to cry on, He is the only One who fully knows yet fully loves you.

And before you say that Jesus doesn’t understand — He really does understand. Jesus is the Man of Sorrows. He was despised and rejected by the people He came to love, He is familiar with rejection and pain (Isaiah 53:3).

No one in the world may truly understand what you’re going through or have gone through — but Jesus does.

When I was at my wits’ end and didn’t know who or what else to turn to, He was there. He wiped away every tear I had ever cried.

Cyberbullying: When does it cross the line?

It takes humility to go to the Lord, it takes putting down your pride to do so. But I promise you that it’s so worth it.

As I learnt to humble myself to go to the Lord, He met me and comforted me. He reassured me of His love for me and reminded me of who I am in Him – His beloved child.

The Lord is near to you, He holds your hand and is walking you through it (Psalm 34:18). Today, allow the Holy Spirit to bring you on a journey of healing.

The lies I believed

When I was getting bullied, it was very easy for me to believe the lies that the enemy was trying to feed me through all the feelings of abandonment and worthlessness I was facing.

I felt as if I was unwanted, deserted and unloved. It was easy to dwell in the feelings of rejection and worthlessness because when you’re in the cycle of negative thoughts as a result of how your bullies make you feel, it’s difficult to come out of it.

My bullies fat-shamed me and told me to kill myself. I nearly did, but God intervened

Therefore, when I was doubting my identity, when I felt that I was unloved and unwanted because it seemed as if nobody appreciated my existence since everyone was ostracising me, I had to catch myself from spiralling into self-pity and remind the truth of God’s love and who He says I am.

Whenever I started to dwell in the negative feelings and thoughts, I had to consciously remind myself to take my thoughts captive and not buy into the lies that the enemy was telling me.

To combat lies, you need the truth. Here are some verses I meditated on when I found myself forgetting who I am.

Over time, I have come to realise that hurt people hurt people. People who intentionally, or even unconsciously, cause harm to others do it out of a brokenness within them. This doesn’t excuse the actions of those who hurt you, but it does put into perspective the destructiveness of sin.

As a sister-in-Christ, I pray you will learn to forgive your perpetrators. We forgive because we were first forgiven.

Jesus has also commanded us to forgive (Matthew 6:14, Matthew 18:22, Ephesians 4:32). He calls us to forgive especially because He wants us to heal. The healing process only starts when we choose to forgive so that the Lord can heal our wounds.

Forgiveness is also for the sake of your own soul. You forgive so that you can walk in the freedom Christ has given us. If you don’t forgive, bitterness will eat you up inside and hurt you even more.

“Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4)

As someone who has had to learn over and over again what it means to forgive people who have hurt me, it is only God’s love that enables me to forgive.

Forgiveness is also what God has used to heal my hurts. I never imagined myself being able to forgive my bullies for the traumas they caused me, but the decision to forgive was a literal weight off my shoulders. When I went on a journey of forgiveness, I was allowing God to right the wrongs and heal the hurts in my heart.

Unforgiveness brings bitterness and it even holds you back from freely receiving God’s forgiveness.

Consumed with hatred for my bullies, I lived in bitterness until I chose forgiveness

I hope you will open your heart to this message of forgiveness and embark on a journey that will see the Lord heal your heart.

Perhaps, you can start by simply journaling with God and being honest about how you feel. You can also seek professional help with ThriveSg, a Christian counselling service by Cru Singapore.

There is always help available, so never give up! I pray that God will reveal Himself to you as Jehovah Nacham (The Lord my Comforter) as He has done for me.